Why Him?

1

Hey, babe.

So happy to see you!

Hi! I got your flowers.

That was so sweet of you.

Of course.

Well, I know you're finishing

your global health paper today

and you've been working

really hard on it.

Well, I'm almost done, so, maybe

you want to come over

and Netflix and chill and...

What?

You mean you want to f***?

I did not say that!

Oh, my god!

I know.

No! I was being

more subtle than that!

I know. I'm sorry.

Yes, I am so down for that.

It's been like

three f***ing days.

My balls are so blue right now,

like dark blue,

uh-oh.

Like almost black.

No, I'm f***ing serious.

Here, check it out.

I believe you.

I believe you.

Okay.

I'll see your

almost-black balls later.

Cool, Steph.

Come over any time after 6:00.

Okay, hun?

Okay. Dude,

we are going to Netflix

and chill this sh*t so hard.

Peaky blinders. Kimmy Schmidt!

Movember's over.

Time to shave the pornstache.

Sorry. Making a murderer!

Narcos!

Stranger things!

Black balls!

Anyways, Ned followed his dreams

and turned a run-down

old printing press

into the industry powerhouse

known today

as the Fleming company.

Best boss in the world!

The Fleming company!

We're talking

brochures for

steelcase furniture,

half the specialty jobs

in grand rapids

and who could forget

the domino's pizza circular?

But before all that...

Ned met a young Michigan

Wolverine, Barbara welsh.

How did this older guy get me?

Ned took her on their first date

to see his favorite band...

Kiss!

Kiss!

My favorite band, too!

Rock and roll!

A few years later,

the stork brought

my sister, Stephanie.

Aw!

She's so cute.

They weren't close at all.

Oh, dropping her off at school.

Yeah.

Then came me, Scotty f.

Did we have another child?

I forgot about that second baby.

Oh, we had another child.

Anyways, big cheese.

I'm sorry, guys.

I promised myself

I wasn't gonna do this.

Aw...

But I love you, dad.

Happy birthday.

Way to go, Scotty!

I love you, too, buddy.

Thank you. Wow!

That was fantastic.

We've got

one last surprise for you.

That's right.

Ladies and gentlemen,

live from her dorm room

at Stanford...

It's my sister, Stephanie!

Hi, everyone!

Hey, honey!

Hey, Steph!

Hey, it's Kevin!

Hi, Kevin!

Kevin.

Can we see?

Sorry.

Hi, momma.

Hi!

Hi, dad.

The birthday boy.

Hey, honey.

You guys look like

you're having so much fun.

And I wish I could

be there with you.

She's so sweet.

Yeah.

Get out.

Yeah, I just wanted to say,

dad, that I love you.

I love you, too, honey.

I love you more.

No, you don't.

Love you to the moon and back.

I'll let you win this round.

Okay, pops?

Even though you're now like...

ancient.

You are still...

What are you doing here?

You asked me to come over.

You're early.

I said after 6:
00.

All right.

Give me a sec,

- I'm on the phone.

- Got it.

Sorry.

It's just my friend. Anyway.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, laird, what are you...

Go finish your call.

I'm just getting ready

to Netflix and chill, baby.

No, not now, laird.

Oh, my goodness.

Kimmy Schmidt!

Pull up your pants.

Marco Polo.

Oh, my god!

How do you make it stop?

Whoa, whoa, mom,

you just took a screenshot.

Kevin, help her out. Kevin.

Hey, there he is.

Happy birthday, big cheese.

Thanks, Jim.

Jerry.

Hey, Ned.

Fun dinner last night.

Hey, Jerry.

Thanks. Lou.

Hey, cheese,

can I have a minute?

Sure. Good morning, Joyce.

Great party.

Hold all his calls.

You gotta be kidding me.

Big lots is bailing out on us?

We've had that account

since '06.

They're moving all their

print work to China.

Oh, god.

Cheese, we're already getting

pummeled by evite, stamp-free

and the rest of those

dot-coms.

And at this rate,

we'll be chapter 11 by march.

What about

dick's sporting goods?

Well, I mean, I'm still

trading calls with my guy.

But, Ned,

can I be honest with you?

I can't keep this

from Patty much longer.

Lou, haven't I kept us going?

Yeah. I mean,

it's what you do.

I just need a little

more time. That's all.

You are the maestro.

Maybe you'll pull off

a Christmas miracle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

By the way, good job keeping

that game face last night.

Oh. Thanks.

That was some shindig, man.

Yeah, it was fun.

Well, till the kid

had his farter

all over the screen

in 3-d.

I was like, "whoa!

"That's a lot, man."

And get this...

Stephanie now wants us

to fly out...

To meet the man behind the

crack over the holidays.

With everything

that's going on here,

that's the last thing

I want to do.

Well, hold on now.

This is the first

serious boyfriend?

Yeah. Apparently.

I mean, it's so strange.

I mean, Stephanie and I

have always been so close.

And yet she has never even

mentioned this guy.

That's the way it goes, cheese.

I thought I knew everything

about Lou junior,

when he was down at Ohio state.

Out of nowhere,

he comes dragging home

this buckeye

that he's been dating

for over a year.

No.

Yeah.

Nice girl, but still.

She's so controlling.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean it like that

because I don't know her

that well.

But I don't like her.

I don't.

Lou.

It's just what happens,

you know?

Lou, what is the point

of all this?

Go out there and meet him.

I know we going through

a lot right now

but hell, Lou junior is talking

about getting married in may.

Married.

Once they're not

under your roof,

there's no telling

what they're into.

Oh, uh, that reminds me.

He does want you

to speak at the wedding

and say some kind words.

Oh.

I told him that I would

talk to you about it.

And they'd like to get married

at your house in the backyard.

Well...

But anyway...

I'm just saying you might want to

get out there and meet this kid.

Because, I mean, you saw it.

You saw it, he's a free spirit.

You mean...

You heard him

come into the room.

He came in there guns blazing.

He had that revved up energy

where he was like...

Bow-bow-bow-bow.

He just wants to go

and go and go...

And just morning,

noon and night,

and "Stephanie, here I am.

"Stephanie, here I come.

I'm coming again."

I remember being that age,

don't you?

Just always ready.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, gosh,

it is so gorgeous here.

I'm very excited that you

guys are all out here.

We're very excited.

There's a few things that

I wanna tell you about laird

that I didn't feel like getting

into over the phone because...

Watch, honey...

You missed our exit.

Actually,

I missed it on purpose.

Laird and I thought,

it'd be better if we all

stayed at his house.

His house?

When did this come up?

Did you know about this?

Are you sure

his parents have enough room?

I mean, he doesn't

live with his parents.

Honey, we're not gonna be

comfortable at some crash pad.

He lives by himself.

It's not a crash pad,

but it's much nicer

than the Sheraton.

Nicer than the club floor?

I smooth-talked the manager.

We got a suite

at the regular rate.

What? That's what I'm

talking about, big cheese.

That is impressive.

We have to turn back.

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