Wilby Wonderful Page #2

Cheers. Guys, sorry

It's all about you, isn't it?

- It's not about me

- Hello?

Oh, no, no, Mr. Jarvis.

You shouldn't be here.

An agent's coming over

with a family in 15 minutes.

You don't

wanna be here for that.

Oh my goodness, is that gas?

- What?

- You don't smell that? Oh my god.

The pilot light

goes out sometimes.

Open the windows in there.

But it's going very well.

Apparently there's two

families coming in today.

Oh, darn if I'd known

you were coming

I would have brought

those transfer documents.

We should get them signed today

in case there's an offer.

You want everything in your wife's name.

Val, isn't it?

- Yeah, that's right.

- Where is she?

- She's out of town.

- You're both from off-island, right?

Yeah, west coast, originally.

There's not a lot

of us non-islanders here.

We'll have to get together

for dinner sometime.

She won't be we'll both

be we're moving on.

Oh well

It's hard to meet people.

Anyhoo, so why don't

you drop by my office?

- Uh

- To sign the documents.

- Well

- IF IT'S BEFORE 3:00, try my office.

After 3:
00 I'll be getting

ready for an open house,

so drop by there.

Now you go on.

I'll call you

if there's any news.

Oh, my god, oh!

Oh god, oh no!

Up next is news,

followed by "Memory Lane"

- I just thought

- Sponsored by Dover Beach Cabins,

Wilby's getaway

from the fast Lane.

Today's seventh caller to identify

our "blast from the past"

That sounds good.

Yep, okay, bye.

- escape to Dover Beach.

- Don't want to be going to Dover Beach.

- Why's that?

- That's where the queers hang out.

Ever since they got the

boot off the watch,

now they hang around the

change rooms for the beach.

- Give it a rest, Irene.

- It's true.

My cousin works

for the "Sentinel,"

I've got the inside

on the whole story.

Did you ever hear of "live

and let live," Irene?

We don't do that here,

thank god.

- Are you smoking?

- What? No

You smell like smoke.

Does he smoke?

- Shut up, mom.

- What's his name?

- Shut up.

- Honey, what's his name?

Taylor.

Mr. Jarvis?

Oh, Jenny. Hi there, hi.

How are you?

Sorry, I thought

you'd checked out.

Uh no, no, no

not till tomorrow.

Oh.

I was just checking the

Seems pretty sturdy.

Sorry, I

How's your mom,

your dad, everyone?

Deena, did Mayor Fisher

call yet?

Well, did you get in touch

with the town council?

What have you been doing?

What kind of flowers?

Oh, that sounds good.

Oh no, oh

Nothing,

I'll call you right back.

Oh, no, no, no

No!

Hi, it's Carol French

from the merchants' committee.

What do you mean,

everybody's at lunch?

Yes, it's an emergency.

Thanks for stopping by, boys.

So, where's the problems?

Same place?

- Yeah.

- Mind if I grab a coffee first?

I'll take care of this,

Stan, don't worry about it.

Emily, can you get Stan

a cup of coffee?

And if you want a doughnut,

take a doughnut.

- Great.

- Okay.

There's nothing

missing or anything,

but there's something funny with

the lock on the door again.

- Same as last time?

- Pretty much.

Worse a bit.

Can I help you

with something, Irene?

Those Hawaiian fresh?

- So it's worse, is it?

- Yeah, a bit, quite a bit.

- Quite a bit worse?

- Worse worse.

- Worse worse?

- Yeah.

Crazy worse.

- We can't keep doing this.

- We haven't done anything yet.

Not here.

I'm closing up at 6:00.

- 6:
00?

- 6:
00.

- Ahem

- What are youse doing out here?

- The window.

- The window.

It's not locked.

Well then, there you go.

It's not locked.

True enough.

There you go then.

We better get investigating.

Carol and I used to

come here all the time.

She loved it here.

She said it was

a very important place,

because when you looked out there

you could see where you came from.

And if you can see

where you came from

you can remember

what you wanted.

Oh yeah?

So what do you think,

your grandfather

just climbed up those rocks there,

stuck a flag in the ground?

- It was my great-grandfather.

- Those were the days, huh?

Explorers and settlers and all that.

And now what?

It's too bad it couldn't

come to something.

- Come to something how?

- All this beautiful land

just sitting here empty

like this.

This is the only piece of coast

that hasn't been developed.

That's what I mean,

it's a shame.

Going to lunch.

Here comes one of the

queers from the watch.

Irene!

- I'll have a

- Double double?

Yeah.

No wonder his wife took off back

where they came from. Who wouldn't?

Irene, shut up.

Forget it.

We'll be seeing

who's shutting up

when the paper

comes out next week.

What are we supposed to

be looking for anyway?

- Evidence.

- Evidence of what?

- Wrongdoings.

- Oh, right.

They're making a circus

out of nothing.

I think it's only

gonna get worse.

- What is?

- Oh my, looky-looky.

What was I just saying?

Look at this, buddy.

What?

Drug paraphernalia.

Who put that there?

- The drug addicts.

- What drug addicts?

The only drug addicts in Wilby

are the ones who buy it in a

bottle at the "loyalist."

Obviously they're bringing

the drug addicts in.

Who's bringing

the drug addicts in?

- Them. The bad people.

- Oh yeah?

Now they've set up their

headquarters here at the watch.

It is a cancer on the face of

Wilby and must be ecradiated.

- What?

- You know, got rid of.

Right. Well, keep looking.

No, no, wait. You stay here.

I'll have a look.

All right. Right on then, buddy.

WLBR Island Radio

Carol French real estate.

Deena, do you have a number

for Walter MacDonald?

- Who?

- Walter MacDonald, the workman.

Oh, "duck," the painter.

Yeah, yeah, he's a real Picasso.

Everybody calls him

"duck" ever since high school.

Because when he was little, he was really

short, but nobody calls him Walter.

They'll be calling him unemployed

when I get through with him.

- Uh-oh, how come?

- Just get me a number for him.

I'm gonna need you

to do something else.

You're gonna need a piece

of paper and a pencil.

- You got it? Okay.

- Mm-hmm.

- Get the town council on the phone.

- Now?

No, once I've explained

what you have to do.

- Do you wanna hear about the flowers?

- Not right now.

- Paper and pen?

- Oh

Get the town council on the

phone, someone with a title,

and tell them there's a

problem with the banners,

and they won't be

ready for two weeks.

For two weeks, that's easy.

Then wait 10 minutes

and call back.

- Uh-huh.

- Tell them to disregard the first message,

that everything's gonna be fine,

that I'll take care of it,

and the banners will be ready

by the middle of next week.

Do you want me to say you, Mrs.

French, will take care of it,

or you, Carol,

will take care of it?

It doesn't matter.

Um say Carol.

Okay, I was gonna

be taking my lunch.

- What time is it?

- Lunchtime.

Can you do this first?

- You got your highlights redone!

- Yeah, I did them myself.

Oh yeah. They'll fade in nice.

Chop chop.

- Ding-ding.

- I'm closed.

I just brought you your

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