Wild Hogs

FADE IN:

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

ANGLE ON:
BILLY MATTHEWS, 8, ravenously eating a plate

of hashbrowns, runny fried eggs and syrupy waffles.

WOMAN'S VOICE (O.C.)

Doug?...

We see DOUG MATTHEWS, 40's, sitting across the table,

staring at his son, Billy. Doug is handsome in that

honest, sincere way. A guy you would call to help you

move a couch. He watches Billy scoop up his hashbrowns

with a frosted pop-tart. Billy catches his Dad's look

and grins with his mouth full. Doug smiles back, then

looks down at his own plate. He has scrambled egg whites

and sliced tomatoes. His smile fades away.

WOMAN'S VOICE (O.C.) (CONT'D)

Doug?

Doug snaps out of it and looks up at his wife, KELLY

MATTHEWS. She's attractive, with a patient smile.

KELLY:

I've got some stuff to do for the party

tomorrow. Can you take Billy to school?

DOUG:

What "stuff"? This party isn't going to

be fancy, is it? Just some friends and a

wing platter from Costco?

KELLY:

It's a our 10th anniversary, Doug. Its

going to be a nice party with nice food

and nice music. And wings have carbs, so

you can't eat them anyway.

BILLY:

(MOUTH FULL)

I'll eat 'em.

Doug gives Billy a look.

DOUG:

No you won't. Because I'm going to

scrape the batter off.

BILLY:

That doesn't work.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 2.

DOUG:

I went to medical school. You think I

don't know how carbs work?

BILLY:

Dentists go to medical school?

Doug looks a little insulted.

KELLY:

Doug, can you take Billy or not?

DOUG:

Yeah, I can take him. There aren't any

emergencies at the office this morning.

KELLY:

You have emergencies?

DOUG:

(INDIGNANT)

Yes, I have emergencies. That's what my

pager is for. one beep from that thing,

and bam. I'm off. Like a cheetah.

Billy, now pouring lucky charms into a bowl, looks up.

BILLY:

(MOUTH FULL)

The battery ith gone in that thing. You

took them out for the TV clicker.

Doug gives Billy a look.

DOUG:

I did do that. I forgot about that. I

need to get some batteries in there.

Because dentists do have emergencies. We

are doctors, you know? We take the same

oath. The oath of saving lives.

Doug goes to take some of Billy's discarded Lucky Charms.

Billy swats his hand away.

BILLY:

(MOUTH FULL)

Uh uh. Carbth.

Doug nods, defeated, as Billy hops up and dumps the

remaining lucky charms in the trash.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 3.

INT. VOLVO - LATER THAT MORNING

DOUG drives a Volvo station wagon along the streets of

Cincinnati. BILLY is next to him, in the passenger

seat, looking bored. Doug notices.

DOUG:

You know, I use to race a car like this.

Put a hemi under the hood... Nobody saw

me coming.

BILLY:

Really?

DOUG:

Yup. It could really... smoke some ass.

Billy raises his eyebrows, impressed. Doug smiles. This

was a good time to break the "no saying ass" rule.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Yes, sir. They called it the dragon

wagon. You're lucky to be in here

without a helmet, pal. We both are.

Doug downshifts a gear, and the tame engine roars

artificially. Billy is impressed.

BILLY:

Awesome! Hey, can I jam the radio?

DOUG:

Heck yeah, you can jam the radio.

Doug tussles Billy's hair and smiles.

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. TRAFFIC LIGHT - A FEW MINUTES LATER

The Volvo pulls up to a red light. Radio Disney blares

"MICKEY LOVES MAMBO" from the stereo. BILLY bobs his

head along with the music. DOUG looks out the window

and sees a mid-twenties guy in a Porsche, staring at him.

Doug nods hello, then awkwardly faces forward.

FADE OUT:

FADE BACK IN ON:

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 4.

INT. SMALL OFFICE - MORNING

VOICE ON SPEAKERPHONE

Bob?...

BOB LEVENSTEIN, 40s, is working at his computer. Bob is

good enough looking, but with a gawky wimpishness and

burdened eyes. He tries to ignore the speakerphone.

VOICE ON SPEAKERPHONE (CONT'D)

Bob!?

Bob cringes at the shrill, female voice.

BOB:

Hey, honey.

VOICE ON SPEAKERPHONE

You need to come tell Haley she can't go

to a party tonight.

BOB:

(into speaker phone)

Well, I'm technically at the office right

now, so...

The door behind him flings open, and KAREN LEVENSTEIN,

attractive and harsh-looking, steps in holding a phone.

KAREN:

Are you kidding me!? You work in our

guest bedroom, not an office.

BOB:

I know, I was just trying to make this

DEADLINE--

KAREN:

Yeah, and I have to go to a job that

actually makes us money, Bob. So, get

out here and tell Haley she's not going

anywhere!

Bob nods obediently and hurries out of the room.

INT. BOB'S HOUSE / KITCHEN - A MOMENT LATER

Bob enters the kitchen. His five year-old daughter,

CLAIRE, wearing a dance leotard, walks up to him and

smiles.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 5.

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