Wild Hogs Page #2

CLAIRE:

Hey, Daddy. Listen.

(screams at the top of her

LUNGS)

EEEEEIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAA1

Bob winces, and looks around for his other daughter.

SFX:
PHONE RINGS

Bob reaches for it, but his other teenage daughter,

HALEY, runs in, wearing a denim mini-skirt and Ugg boots.

HALEY:

No!! Don't touch that! It's Julien!

Haley snatches the phone away from Bob.

BOB:

Actually, I need to talk to you--

HALEY:

(IGNORING BOB)

Hey, Julien. Yeah, totally. I'll

probably just drop by and chill.

BOB:

If that's about the party, you--

HALEY:

Dad! I'm talking, here. God!

Haley storms out of the room. Bob goes to say something,

but CLAIRE enters and looks up at him.

CLAIRE:

(SCREAMING AGAIN)

Eeeeeeeiiiiiaaaaa!!

Bob just stares at her, as Karen enters the Kitchen.

KAREN:

(yelling above Claire)

Did you talk to her? Tell me you talked

to her. God! I have to do everything!

Just get Claire to ballet. She's late.

BOB:

Well, I really have to finish my--

KAREN:

Your little article for the "Web"

magazine, Bob?

(MORE)

"wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 6.

KAREN (CONT'D)

I have a shareholder meeting. And we

agreed that my career would be the

priority, and you would work out of the

house. You might not like it, but my job

is higher paying. And I don't see you

complaining about that hundred dollar

shirt you're wearing.

Bob looks down at his too-hip dress shirt.

BOB:

You bought this shirt for me. I was fine

with my t-shirts--

KAREN:

Oh, you don't like the shirt now? Fine.

Take it off.

BOB:

What?

KAREN:

Take it off! You don't want to wear nice

things, don't. Off!

Bob sighs and takes the shirt off. Karen snatches it

from him.

KAREN (CONT'D)

Now take Claire to her ballet class.

It's starts in five minutes.

BOB:

Well, I have to get another--

KAREN:

Go! Five minutes!

Karen pushes Bob out the door, with Claire skipping

happily behind him.

INT. BOB'S CAR - A MOMENT LATER

Bob sits in the car, SHIRTLESS, next to Claire. He looks

over at her, and notices a pink hoodie in her lap.

BOB:

You going to wear that?

CLAIRE:

For five dollars, I'm not.

Bob sighs and reaches for his wallet.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 7.

INT. CHILDREN'S DANCE STUDIO - FIVE MINUTES LATER

A bunch of kids in dance leotards are starting a class.

Claire comes running into the group, as Bob enters behind

her, wearing the pink hoodie. It's way too small, and

doesn't quite cover his belly. He sits with the parents

and nods awkwardly to them. It's embarrassing.

FADE TO BLACK:

FADE BACK IN ON:

INT. MODERN HOUSE - MORNING

We see the pristine living room of an expensive,

architectural house.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Woody.

(GETTING ANGRY)

Woody Stevens!

We see WOODY STEVENS, 40s, handsome, but with shifty eyes

and a Michael Keaton hairline, walk through the stylish

house speaking into a cordless headset.

WOODY:

.No, you listen to me. You're not

going to push me around. We agreed on a

price, and that's the price I'll pay. If

you don't like it, walk away... but you

can kiss your business good bye, because

that's what happens when you screw with

Woody Stevens. You go down. Hard.

As Woody talks, he passes by framed magazine covers of a

beautiful model, (CLAUDIA) as well as some pictures of

his wedding day with her, their exotic vacations, and one

blownup glamour shot of Woody, shirtless, oiled and

holding a greasy wrench.

WOODY (CONT'D)

.No, money's not the problem (LAUGHS)

Money's never a problem. You just need

to honor the correct price. Got it?

Woody gets his answer, and angrily throws the headset

down on a stack of moving boxes. He marches to the front

door and throws it open.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 8.

EXT. WOODY'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Woody yells out the front door.

WOODY:

.Then go home, Toby! You make me sick!

ANGLE ON:
The front yard. A ten-year-old boy is

standing with a rake, surrounded by leaves. He clicks

off his cellphone and shrugs.

TOBY:

I can't do this many leaves for ten

bucks! It'll take two hours!

WOODY:

Well, you should have thought of that

before you put the "any yard for ten

bucks" flyer on the telephone pole.

You're done on this block, now. And that

goes for your band fund-raisers, too.

I'm not buying any candy bars no matter

what parade you dorks have to get to!

Woody slams the door closed. Toby kicks at a pile of

leaves, then starts home.

FADE OUT:

FADE BACK IN ON:

INT. CLUTTERED OFFICE - MORNING

We see an office crowded with disassembled Apple

computers, motherboards, and abandoned monitors.

COMPUTER VOICE:

Dudley?

ANGLE ON:
DUDLEY FRANK (late 30s), an odd-looking, curly-

haired guy with black plastic glasses that are slightly

too big for his face. He stares at a computer in front

of him.

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