Wild Hogs Page #3

DUDLEY:

Yeah, hey, Mac. How's it go--

COMPUTER VOICE:

It is now nine o'clock am.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 9.

DUDLEY:

Thanks, Mac. Open internet, okay?

A pause.

COMPUTER VOICE:

Command unknown.

DUDLEY:

Mac. Open. Internet.

A pause.

COMPUTER VOICE:

It is now nine o'clock am.

DUDLEY:

Alright, Mac. I'll show you.

Dudley clicks a few keys and nods satisfactorily.

COMPUTER VOICE:

Internet open.

Dudley laughs good-naturedly.

DUDLEY:

Right, because I just opened it.

(SIGHS)

I guess I need to research alternative

specs.

COMPUTER VOICE:

Searching "alternative sex."

DUDLEY:

What? No!

Dudley jumps forward and starts hitting the keys.

COMPUTER VOICE:

Two million websites found.

DUDLEY:

I didn't want to search that! I said

specs... "all the data to be compiled."

COMPUTER VOICE:

Searching "sex all the day with child."

DUDLEY:

Ahhh, No!!

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 10.

Dudley frantically starts ripping the power wires out of

the computer. The monitor goes dark. Dudley touches it

sadly, then looks over at a cat sitting on the edge of

the desk.

DUDLEY (CONT'D)

(TO CAT)

Looks like it's still just you and me,

icat.

Dudley reaches out to pet the cat. It hisses at him

angrily, and he quickly pulls his hand back.

DUDLEY (CONT'D)

Sorry.

CUT TO:

INT. DOUG MATTHEW'S OFFICE - THAT AFTERNOON

DOUG, now in his lab coat, sits at his desk, playing with

a model of a mouth. The phone rings and Doug answers it.

DOUG:

(INTO PHONE)

Hey, honey.

INTERCUT WITH KELLY: On the phone at home.

KELLY:

You busy?

DOUG:

Me? Oh, yeah. I've got a mouth right

here in front of me.

Doug takes a dental tool and hammers on the plastic

mouth.

KELLY:

Don't they mind you being on the phone?

DOUG:

Well, it's not attached to a head,

really. More research.

Doug hits the mouth too hard and all the teeth fall out.

He fumbles to stop them from scattering everywhere.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 11.

KELLY:

Oh. Well, I just wanted to tell you I

found a great rate for the Ritz-Carlton

tomorrow night. I Thought it might be

romantic. Mom can stay here with Billy.

DOUG:

I don't know. Do you think we really

need to stay at a hotel? I mean, Billy

has his own room. Why don't we just buy

new sheets? Like, hotel-colored ones.

It'll be like the Ritz, but we won't have

to pay to make phone calls!

KELLY:

DOUG--

DOUG:

What? I'm just saying--

Suddenly, the speaker comes on overhead.

VOICE ON SPEAKER

Dr. Matthews? Patient emergency in room

eight.

Doug snaps to attention.

DOUG:

Emergency?

(INTO PHONE)

I've got to go! Emergency!

Doug jumps out of his seat and scrambles over his desk

and out the door.

INT. DENTAL EXAM ROOM - A SECOND LATER

Doug flies into an exam room, where a hygienist, DANA, is

looking into a male patient's mouth.

DANA:

Doctor Matthews. Finally. Take a look

at this.

Doug looks in the man's mouth and nods.

DOUG:

Acute molar abscess. That's going to

need emergency surgery.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 12.

DANA:

That's what I thought. Thank God you got

here.

DOUG:

Yeah.

(BEAT)

Well, let's send him over to an

Orthopedic surgeon.

DANA:

Absolutely. Thanks, doctor.

Doug nods. He looks around for something else to do, but

there's nothing. He moves a dental tool away from the

edge of a tray, smiles politely and exits.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. DOUG'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - LATER THAT AFTERNOON

DOUG, looking depressed, pulls into the driveway. He

looks over and sees BILLY and three of his friends

shooting baskets. He smiles, gets out of the car and

struts over.

DOUG:

(TO KIDS)

Yo! Matthews is open.

Billy looks up and cringes a little bit, but passes the

ball to DOUG. Doug dribbles it under his leg and charges

the basket.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Taking it into the paint. Who's got the

D? Whoop, too late, dudes! Booya!

Doug jumps up to slam the ball, but only hammers it into

the rim. The rim clangs loudly and the ball goes flying

backwards. Billy's friends laugh a little. Doug

notices.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Well, that's not really my shot. I

usually hit from downtown, you know?

Doug grabs the ball out of the bushes and dribbles back

to the three point line.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 13.

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