Wild Hogs Page #29

JACK:

(CALLING OUT)

Time for your beating, yuppie!

7/06/05 109.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft

DOUG:

(TO BOB)

Tell my wife I won - then got hit by a

truck.

Doug takes a deep breath and starts into the circle.

DOUG (CONT'D)

(TO JACK)

All right. Let's do this--

Doug doesn't even finish his sentence as Jack lands a

punch on the side of his head. Doug is stunned, as Jack

sends his other fist crashing into Doug's forehead. Doug

goes flying backwards, and falls down in the dirt. The

Hells Angels cheer. Jack high fives them as Doug

struggles back to his feet and looks back at Woody and

Bob, cradling his face.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Ow! Dammit Jesus that hurt!

(TO WOODY)

It really hurts. Damn!

Jack comes back over to Doug. Jack throws another right,

but this time Doug ducks, still cradling his jaw.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Yes!--

But Doug is instantly punched in the stomach by Jack's

other fist. Doug winces as he doubles over in agony.

Drool drips out of his mouth. This isn't pretty.

Jack takes him by the back of the shirt and lifts him

into the air. The Hells Angels cheer as Jack tosses Doug

five yards into the dirt.

JACK:

Don't get tired yet. The hurt is just

beginning.

Doug tries to stand back up, but it's getting harder. He

slyly grabs a handful of sand as he starts to stand.

DOUG:

Hah!

Doug whips around and throws the sand towards Jack's

face; However, his aim is off. The sand hits Jack in the

chest and falls away. Jack looks at Doug and shakes his

head.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 110.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Damn.

Jack punches Doug square in the face again. Doug

crumples to the ground in pain. Jack turns back to the

Hells Angels.

JACK:

Man, this isn't even a workout.

Jack laughs and puts his aviator sunglasses back on, as

Doug quickly stands up and whips around at him.

DOUG:

Ahhh!

Doug throws another handful of sand. This time he aims

carefully; but Jack now has sunglasses on. The sand

bounces harmlessly off the lenses. Doug cringes and

waits for the punch, which comes like a freight train

into his stomach. Doug doubles over again as Jack lines

up another punch.

JACK:

This one's gonna break bone.

DOUG:

Wait! Wait--

Doug straightens up and looks curiously at Jack's mouth.

DOUG (CONT'D)

Your tooth-- That's an acute periodontal

abscess.

JACK:

What?

DOUG:

look, I really hate you, but I don't want

to feel responsible for a death. I'm a

dentist. I took an oath. Same one as

doctors. If the infection in that tooth

gets to the root - it could seep into

your nervous system. Just let me look--

Doug slowly reaches towards Jack's mouth. Jack doesn't

move.

JACK:

You're a dentist?

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 111.

DOUG:

Yeah. One of the best. And I know when

your gums are that swollen and your

BICUSPID--

And Wham! Doug punches Jack square in the mouth. Jack

goes down hard. Woody and Bob cheer.

BOB:

Yeah, Doug!

WOODY:

Quick! Start kicking him! Don't let him

get up!

Doug nods and goes to kick Jack, but Jack grabs the foot

and pushes him backwards. Doug falls back to the dirt.

Jack stands up and dusts himself off.

JACK:

All right. Now you're going to die.

Jack approaches Doug, who closes his eyes and waits for

the end.

WOODY:

Wait!!

Jack turns around as WOODY walks into the circle.

WOODY (CONT'D)

Doug's not the leader of this gang. I--

Jack instantly punches Woody in the face. Woody falls

down next to Doug. Doug turns his head to Woody.

They're both bleeding from their noses and lips.

DOUG:

(TO WOODY)

Thanks, man.

WOODY:

Sure.

Jack looks at Bob.

JACK:

Anybody else the leader of this gang?

Bob takes a deep breath, and bends down an grabs a long

lead pipe. He starts towards Jack.

"Wild Hogs" writers first draft 7/06/05 112.

BOB:

Alright, Mother f--

Bob suddenly trips on the lead pipe and hits the ground.

Doug shakes his head.

DOUG:

(TO BOB)

Just stay down.

Bob nods.

JACK:

Well, I guess that's all of you--

DUDLEY, still covered in tape, comes running into the

circle from the other side.

DUDLEY:

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Dudley charges Jack, but his limited mobility results not

in a tackle, but in him leaning on Jack. After a moment,

Jack takes a step back and Dudley falls to the ground.

DUDLEY (CONT'D)

Ow.

Jack cracks his knuckles and looks to OILCAN.

JACK:

Give me the crowbar.

Oilcan nods and hands it to Jack. Jack smiles at the

four fallen Wild Hogs.

JACK (CONT'D)

Guess you guys are wishing you'd

listened, now, huh?

Jack smiles as we hear:

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