Wild Wild West Page #11

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As they dash after it:

JIM:

At least I tried something.

ARTEMUS:

Hey, I tried the board.

EXT. OPELOUSAS - EDGE OF TOWN - NIGHT

The steam tank rolls relentlessly out of town. Jim and

Artemus jog along at a safe distance behind it.

ARTEMUS:

Damn it, this is ridiculous.

JIM:

At least the thing's not that fast.

We just follow it. Whenever it

stops, we're there, waiting.

ARTEMUS:

That's right... That's good.

But the steam tank now swerves off the road and heads

toward --

ANGLE - RAILROAD TRACKS

It tips and sways as it CLANKS up onto the tracks. But

then it suddenly turns to align itself with the rails.

Now a set of railroad driver wheels lowers down from the

undercarriage of the tank! CLINK! CLANG! The drivers

lock in place, lifting the road wheels a few inches off

the ground.

JIM:

Oh no!

The tank starts rolling down the tracks, picking up speed.

Jim charges after it. He grabs a sledgehammer from a

handcart beside the tracks and -- bounds right up onto

the tank.

Gun barrels poke out of slits and FIRE, but he slams them

back inside like those pop-up gophers at an arcade. Then

he starts pounding wildly on the top hatch cover.

Artemus calls after him:

ARTEMUS:

Jim, for Godsake! We'll get the

train! Nothing's faster than that!

Smoke suddenly billows from two large tubes on either

side of the tank. Jim COUGHS in the acrid fumes, but

keeps relentlessly pounding, smashing the hinges off the

top hatch. Almost has it broken loose.

The insides of the tubes glow red. Artemus realizes:

ARTEMUS:

My God. Jim! They're rockets!

Get off! GET OFF!

Huge FLAMES EXPLODE from the tubes! The tank blasts

forward, Jim is thrown off, and the machine rockets down

the tracks like a ten ton road-runner.

Artemus rushes to dazed Jim, lying flat on his back

surrounded by glowing sparks, hair singed, clothes

smoldering.

ARTEMUS:

Jim, are you all right?

JIM:

No, I'm not all right. They got

away. And we can't even follow

them. They can get off the tracks

anywhere they want.

ARTEMUS:

Which is why we're heading to

Houston, Texas.

(off Jim's inquiring look)

Home of the Loveless Steam Engine

Works.

INT. THE WANDERER - PARLOUR CAR - MOVING - NIGHT

Artemus bandages Jim's burns during:

ARTEMUS:

If you don't mind my asking, were

you always the way you are?

JIM:

What way is that?

ARTEMUS:

So... spontaneous. All that leaping

off buildings and Chinese fighting

and whatnot.

JIM:

"Spontaneous." I like that. Most

people say something like "hare-

brained reckless son-of-a-b*tch."

ARTEMUS:

Well... that, too.

JIM:

Nothing much to it really. When I

was younger I got into a pretty

bad run-in with the Wyler Boys. I

saw them coming. But I didn't act

fast enough. Second-guessed myself.

And it cost me... cost me dearly.

Jim falls silent. Artemus waits, but finally:

ARTEMUS:

So... what happened?

JIM:

Those kids, they took my wagon.

Never got it back.

ARTEMUS:

(playing catch-up)

Uh... how long ago was this?

JIM:

I was six. And ever since, my

policy is:
Act first and worry

later.

Artemus lets this sink in.

ARTEMUS:

I see... Well, the world's lucky

they didn't, you know, shoot your

mother or something.

EXT. STEAM WORKS - WALL - NIGHT

CAMERA MOVES along the high wall surrounding the Loveless

Steam Engine Works. We hear Jim GRUNTING and STRAINING

on the other side as CAMERA MOVES UP. Jim's sweaty face

finally appears over the top.

JIM:

Don't see any guards.

Artemus' voice comes from out of sight below.

ARTEMUS:

Neither do I.

Jim wonders how Artemus can see. Then notices the top of

a thin periscope peeking up over the wall beside him.

Down below, Artemus leans casually against the wall, gazing

through the eyepiece in the bottom of his walking stick

which he has telescoped up.

JIM:

You might have mentioned you had

that.

ARTEMUS:

I thought all you needed were your

fists and your gun.

He SNAPS the periscope shut.

EXT. STEAM WORKS - YARD - NIGHT

The guys drop down from the wall and dash across the yard.

They reach the cover of a discarded steam boiler, and

study the foreboding factory.

ARTEMUS:

Strange... you'd think he'd have

this place better guarded.

JIM:

I find most criminals slip up

somewhere...

Then they hear it -- the ragged, heavy BREATHING of

something headed their way. They look around to see --

THEIR P.O.V. -- A PACK OF ROTTWEILERS

gallops toward them, locked-in on the scent of fresh meat!

BACK TO SCENE:

JIM:

...But not all of them.

They dash for the factory.

As they run, Artemus rips off the second button on his

vest and tosses it back in the path of the pursuing

canines.

POOF! A cloud of sleeping gas erupts. The first dog

races through it, takes a few more steps and -- SPLAT!

Artemus rips off and tosses a few more. The rest of the

dogs drop. Artemus and Jim reach the building, glancing

back at the neat line of dozing dogs.

ARTEMUS:

They're so precious when they're

asleep.

JIM:

You really enjoy yourself, don't

you?

Artemus just smiles as they move quickly to peer in through

grimy windows.

ANGLE - THEIR P.O.V. - INSIDE STEAM WORKS

The large dimly-lit space reverberates with the rhythmic

POUNDING of a big steam engine running an overhead pulley

system -- a maze of pulleys and leather belts which in

turn power all the factory machinery.

Miguelito stands with Bruno and Voltaire admiring a large

steel casting as it's crated up by several FACTORY WORKERS.

Hard to say what the casting is part of.

EXT. STEAM WORKS - YARD - NIGHT

Jim and Artemus move along the windows toward an open

loading dock door when:

VOICES:

Get them! Stop them! Who let

them in...?!

Jim and Artemus take cover and whip out their sidearms.

But the shouting's about someone else.

HOOFBEATS approach. Three mounted riders are galloping

from the main gate to the loading dock door. It's General

Garrison and two of his LIEUTENANTS, chased by a couple

of shouting GUARDS.

Miguelito greets them at the door, flanked by Bruno and

Voltaire. He calls off the guards:

MIGUELITO:

Leave them! Leave them! These

are friends!

(to Garrison)

General, my apologies. I'm sure

you understand the importance of

security.

ANGLE - JIM AND ARTEMUS

hiding only a few feet away.

JIM:

(whispers)

That's him! "One-Eyed Jack"

Garrison. Perfect. Two birds

with one stone.

ANGLE - MIGUELITO AND THE OTHERS

Garrison glances angrily into the factory.

GARRISON:

My weapons were to be delivered

three weeks ago, as you well know.

Instead, I have five thousand loyal

men ready to march north and hardly

a decent rifle among them!

Miguelito maintains an air of innocence.

MIGUELITO:

But delays are inevitable in an

undertaking of this size. Surely...

The General angrily thrusts out several pieces of paper.

GARRISON:

I won't hear it, sir! I have here

documents from this very factory

showing our weapons were never

even built!

(glancing around)

And I don't need two eyes to see

it's true. Do you dare deny it,

little man?!

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