Wild Wild West Page #10

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ANGLE - ARTEMUS AND DR. PEMBERTON

gazing off in amazement at Jim.

PEMBERTON:

My, he's effective. And he did it

without a stick.

Artemus does an insulted take. Jim limps up to them,

breathing hard.

JIM:

Gotta get the Doctor someplace

safe.

PEMBERTON:

Who were they? What do they want

with me?

JIM:

We'll explain on the way.

As they hurry off down the alley:

ARTEMUS:

What was all that back there?

JIM:

All what?

ARTEMUS:

(mimes a martial arts move)

All that jumping and kicking.

JIM:

That? Oh, it's a kind of Chinese

fighting... I was sort of caught

once with a lovely Chinese girl

out in San Francisco. Her big

brothers were kind enough to teach

it to me

(pause)

I've got a book on it, if you're

interested.

INT. MIGUELITO'S MANSION - DRAWING ROOM - DAY

Eyes closed in concentration, hands clasped in front of

him, Miguelito is SINGING a rousing patriotic anthem in a

fine tenor voice. He's accompanied on the harpsichord by

the always mysterious Antoinette.

A SERVANT hurries in with a telegram, and hesitates,

waiting for Miguelito to finish.

MIGUELITO:

(singing)

... From horizon to horizon, The

freedom we shall bring, Beneath

the one true flag we defend our

land, And make the mountains sing!

He stops unhappily and crosses out some lyrics on his

sheet of music.

MIGUELITO:

"Make the mountains sing?" No,

no, cliche, cliche!. "Like... an

eagle on the wing!" Yes! That's

it. An eagle on the wing, don't

you think, my dear?

He happily jots down the new lyrics, then notices the

servant.

MIGUELITO:

A message? Why didn't you tell

me?

He grabs the telegram, reads it and looks up angrily.

MIGUELITO:

(to Antoinette)

They failed to get Dr. Pemberton!

Now she's under guard in the city

jail! They're forcing me to become

boorishly heavy-handed.

EXT. OPELOUSAS CITY JAIL - ESTABLISH - NIGHT

Gaslights cast a warm glow on the sturdy brick building.

INT. OPELOUSAS CITY JAIL - NIGHT

Dr. Pemberton, Jim and Artemus sit around the pot-belly

stove. A bored DEPUTY sits at a desk in background.

PEMBERTON:

I only met him once, but that was

enough. For such a little man he

had quite an oversized opinion of

himself. He offered me the "rare

and unparalleled opportunity" to

develop a new steam engine for

him. He claims to have some sort

of factory in Texas, I believe.

Said I could have the run of the

place. He had all sorts of

specifications. But when I

questioned him closely, it became

obvious he was just another

mercenary businessman. Both he

and his partner had no real love

of steam.

(wistful)

It's sad. So few men do.

JIM:

Who was this partner of his?

PEMBERTON:

A Southern gentlemen. I don't

recall his name. I suppose it's

unkind of me to say it, but he had

the most disconcerting glass eye.

JIM:

(suddenly)

A glass eye? That's who it was!

One-Eyed Jack Garrison. Otherwise

known as General Garrison,

Confederate Third Army. I saw him

at Dr. Loveless' party, but I

couldn't place him. He used to

wear an eye-patch.

ARTEMUS:

Garrison...? Then the President

was right. Except it's not a

foreign power, it's a bunch of die-

hard Rebels trying to make the

South rise again.

JIM:

And if they've got Dr. Loveless

building weapons like those flying

bombs... they just might do it.

Suddenly from outside they hear distant SCREAMS then the

echo of GUNSHOTS.

EXT. OPELOUSAS CITY JAIL - NIGHT

Artemus and Jim run out. A riderless buckboard races

past. At the end of the street they see SMOKE. More

GUNSHOTS and SCREAMING.

They dash toward the sounds, but slow down uncertainly as

they hear something else -- something downright DEMONIC,

a deep ominous RUMBLING. Then an eerie SHRIEK as a cloud

of steam billows around the corner. And out of the cloud

rolls something BIG.

It's a steam-powered "tank" -- completely encased in steel,

and topped with a Monitor-like gun turret. Electric lights

glaring, steam belching, driven by ten foot high spiked

steel wheels, the heavy metal beast CLANKS toward them!

ARTEMUS:

My God!

Gun barrels slide out of narrow ports, firing a VOLLEY at

Jim and Artemus. They dive for cover behind a stone wall

and come up with six-guns blazing.

From inside the jailhouse behind them, deputies open fire

as well.

But the bullets only RICOCHET off the machine's armor.

ARTEMUS:

Could I just point out, this is a

perfect example of the criminal

mind exploiting modern invention.

JIM:

(glares at Artemus)

I'm going to hit you.

Now the cannon in the turret OPENS FIRE! And it's no

ordinary single-shot cannon. It's automatic. And it

fires with a weird HISSING SOUND: FOOSH! FOOSH! FOOSH!

BLAM! BLAM! Powerful explosive rounds start shattering

the wall behind which Jim and Artemus are hiding.

JIM:

Never seen a gun fire so fast!

ARTEMUS:

It's a repeating steam cannon!

Three more exploding rounds chew up more of the wall.

Jim and Artemus dash along the wall as it's blasted to

bits right behind them.

ARTEMUS:

Pretty good one, too...

Now the "steam tank" veers off, flattening a wagon and

crushing the boardwalk as it heads for the jailhouse!

Deputies dive out of the windows in panic.

INT. OPELOUSAS CITY JAIL - NIGHT

Dr. Pemberton and one loyal DEPUTY stumble backward from

the windows, terrified, as the steam tank SMASHES right

through the wall! The hapless deputy disappears SCREAMING

beneath it as it rumbles into the room, debris cascading

off its sloping sides.

Dazed Dr. Pemberton is half-buried in the plaster and

wreckage. A hatch opens in the belly of the beast.

Voltaire drops out, grabs the doctor and hauls her inside.

The hatch slams shut.

EXT. OPELOUSAS CITY JAIL - NIGHT

Jim and Artemus watch in amazement as the metal monster

reverses out of the gaping hole in the building

EXT. OPELOUSAS - DOWNTOWN - NIGHT

The steam tank rolls brazenly right back through town.

Astonished ONLOOKERS have no idea what to make of it.

Dogs bark. Horses bolt. Women scream.

It moves at only the pace of a quick walk. It's easy for

Jim, Artemus and the deputies to overtake it -- but so

what? There's not a damn thing they can do to stop it.

Artemus grabs a thick beam from some stacked lumber and

jams it through the spokes of the massive rear wheel, but

the beam is instantly ground to toothpicks.

Jim runs ahead to a blacksmith's. He dashes out with a

heavy chain. He swiftly loops it around two iron lamp

posts, stretching it across the street in the path of the

steam tank. He waits expectantly as Artemus jogs up.

JIM:

(re the massive chain)

That oughta hold'em. Be ready

when they come out!

The tank rolls forward, plowing into the chain -- and

effortlessly rips the lamp posts out like weeds. Gas

EXPLODES from the severed posts -- WOOMP! WOOMP! Like

little oil well fires.

ARTEMUS:

(sarcastic)

I'm ready. Just say "when."

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