Wild Wild West Page #13

---

He rolls over, and finds himself face to face with General

Garrison, dead eyes staring at him. Jim wriggles away,

only to find himself staring into the faces of the other

two dead men. Jim twists away again, struggling into a

sitting position. Finally he sees:

JIM:

Artemus!

His partner is tied to a chair. Piled nearby are Artemus'

jacket, vest, belt and sleeve-gun. Artemus smiles weakly:

ARTEMUS:

I was afraid you were dead.

(noticing something)

What's that all over your lips?

Jim thinks. Then remembers, embarrassed. He lies:

JIM:

Blood.

From off-screen, Miguelito LAUGHS sarcastically:

MIGUELITO (O.S.)

Blood!? Such vanity!

Out of the shadows steps Miguelito proudly twirling

Artemus' walking stick. He's followed by Cassandra, now

in a stunning red evening gown, and Bruno who stares coldly

at Jim. His face is still colorfully bruised after his

lambasting from Jim, and he hasn't forgotten.

Miguelito strides over to Artemus, toying with the walking

stick, switching it into its mace mode.

MIGUELITO:

I like a good concealed weapon.

Such a thoughtful gift. Thank

you.

He turns to Bruno.

MIGUELITO:

Any ideas?

BRUNO:

Thought we'd run'em through this.

Bruno indicates a big, strange looking machine.

Miguelito's eyes go wide.

MIGUELITO:

Good God, Bruno! How grotesque!

(smiles)

And yet brilliant.... Let's do it!

Miguelito whacks the machine's lever with the walking

stick. Steam belches from it. Leather drive belts churn

to life. Big pulleys whirl. A conveyor belt jolts

forward, leading up into a massive hopper. We can't see

inside, but from within the hopper we can hear the ominous

metallic CLANGING and GNASHING of its inner workings.

Miguelito SHOUTS over the ROAR of the machine.

MIGUELITO:

One of my many inventions. A

watermelon juicer.

(defensive)

Yes! I admit the public did not

share my enthusiasm for the juice

of the watermelon. But what do

they know?!

Bruno grabs the General's body and heaves it uncere-

moniously onto the conveyor belt. Swiftly, the body is

carried up toward the hopper. At the last moment,

Miguelito notices a fine fountain pen in the General's

pocket and snatches it up for himself.

Then he hurries over to Cassandra, almost hiding behind

her, horrified and yet fascinated. Cassandra just watches,

eerily unfazed.

The body disappears into the hopper. We can't see

anything, but we hear awful MUNCHING and CRUNCHING. A

spout tips down into a barrel and begins filling it.

Jim and Artemus watch grimly. Bruno likes it. He shuts

down the machine and steps over to peer into the barrel.

Then slams a lid down on it with satisfaction.

BRUNO:

Won't be drinking this batch!

MIGUELITO:

Bruno, please!

This whole demonstration makes Jim and Artemus decidedly

uneasy.

JIM:

Why don't we just cut this routine

short? Whatever you do to us,

we're not going to talk.

MIGUELITO:

(genuinely confused)

Talk? About what...?

(then he gets it)

Oh! About who you are and all

that?

He laughs and turns to Cassandra, matter-of-factly:

MIGUELITO:

Mr. West and Mr. Gordon are refusing

to tell us that they're U.S.

Marshals. What are we to do?

He pauses to savor the moment.

MIGUELITO:

I love when I get to do that...!

(smugly)

You see, I have informants at every

level of government...

(laughs)

Ironically, they weren't able to

tell me a thing. But fortunately,

Mr. West, Bruno finally remembered

you. It seems you arrested his

brother three years ago. He's

quite an asset to me.

He strides to the door, then turns.

MIGUELITO:

I'm sorry this is all so graphic.

(casually)

Just try to relax and think of

something else.

He marches out. Cassandra starts to follow, but notices

Jim staring icily at her. She pauses to explain:

CASSANDRA:

You see, unlike most employers,

Dr. Loveless is actually willing

to give a woman power, power over

men and machines. What more could

a girl ask for.

She exits. Bruno drags the other two bodies to the

watermelon press, and heaves them up onto the conveyor

belt. He turns to Jim, rubbing the bruises on his face:

BRUNO:

I'm putting you in like this, feet

first. Alive.

He turns back to the machine to restart it. It RUMBLES

to life.

While Bruno's back is turned, Artemus gets Jim's attention

by blinking one eye then the other. He's sending Morse

Code. Jim stares, trying to follow it.

Even though Bruno keeps glancing at them, he has no idea

they're communicating.

Artemus keeps blinking.

SUBTITLE:
"Push my left heel."

Jim doesn't quite catch it all. He frowns.

SUBTITLE:
"Huh?"

Artemus frantically re-sends:

SUBTITLE:
"Push my left heel. On side."

Jim gets it and peers at Artemus' boot, tied tightly to

the chair leg. He glances at Bruno, still busy with the

machine. Jim extends his leg and firmly presses the toe

of his boot against the side of Artemus' boot heel.

SPROING -- a razor sharp knife blade pops out of Artemus'

toe and locks into place. Jim loves it. He wriggles

around to block Bruno's view of the boot and starts cutting

the ropes on his wrists.

The watermelon press finishes its dirty work. Bruno rolls

an empty barrel under the spout, then turns and lumbers

toward Jim. He grabs the ropes around Jim's ankles. But

Jim's hands are free. He wallops Bruno with a roundhouse

punch that sends the big man staggering.

Jim goes to work on his ankle ropes. Bruno ROARS and

comes charging back at him. Jim rolls to one side and

Bruno piles into helpless Artemus -- they both go over

backward in the chair.

Bruno and Artemus end up face to face. Artemus bites his

nose. Bruno screams and slugs Artemus.

Jim, his ankles still tied, somehow springs to his feet

and starts hopping toward the pile of Artemus' weapons.

Bruno turns and charges at Jim. This will be easy. But

he quickly finds himself lost in a flurry of martial arts

punches as Jim pogos around to keep his balance. Bruno

retreats and grabs a length of steam pipe. He circles

Jim warily.

Artemus can see that even Jim isn't going to last long.

Still tied to the fallen chair, Artemus wriggles wildly,

scooting himself closer to the churning machine.

Jim sees the opportunity. Dodging the swinging pipe, he

maneuvers Bruno so that his back is to the machine. Then

Jim does the simplest possible thing -- he feints at Bruno,

causing him to flinch and step back. He trips over Artemus

and -- crashes onto the conveyor belt!

Swiftly hauled up, he clings desperately to the lip of

the hopper for a moment, but loses his grip and goes in

SCREAMING.

Jim and Artemus wince at the SLOSHING, MUSHING and

CRUSHING. Then Jim shuts down the machine.

JIM:

(re Bruno)

Liquidated that asset.

EXT. STEAM WORKS - RAILROAD SPUR - DAWN

Jim and Artemus charge out of the building -- Miguelito's

train is gone.

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes