Wild Wild West Page #7

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Jim tenses, wondering if the little man is on to him.

MIGUELITO:

You're thinking... "he's really

short!"

A tense moment. Then Miguelito bursts into laughter.

Cassandra and the guests join in. Jim smiles.

JIM:

I admire a man with a sense of

humor.

MIGUELITO:

When you're three and a half feet

tall, sir, life turns you into a

comedian whether you like it or

not.... Come with me, won't you?

Miguelito leads Jim and Cassandra toward the doors to the

veranda. Jim is surprised when a well-muscled brute,

BRUNO, falls into protective step right behind our host.

Jim glances back at the lug and smiles sweetly. Miguelito

shouts off:

MIGUELITO:

More Mozart, please!

Another Mozart QUARTET instantly fills the air. But we

now see it's coming from an amazing contraption -- an

automated string quartet machine.

EXT. MIGUELITO'S MANSION - VERANDA - NIGHT

Miguelito, with Bruno still shadowing him, leads Jim and

Cassandra out onto the veranda, crowded with more guests.

JIM:

I must compliment you on Miss

Thompson... an exceptionally

charming assistant.

MIGUELITO:

Thank you. I confess to a

preoccupation with acquiring

precisely that which the world

says I cannot have.

The veranda overlooks a pond surrounded by acres of

beautifully tailored gardens. Party lanterns hang

everywhere, lighting the whole area brilliantly.

As they walk, Miguelito seems to be getting taller. He's

actually walking up a ramp onto a platform. Voltaire

steps over and silently hands him a double-barrel shotgun.

Miguelito takes a deep breath and:

MIGUELITO:

PULL!

We see two SERVANTS standing by two unusual devices --

all springs and levers. One of them pulls a lever --

And a glass ball, sparkling in the light of a hundred

lanterns, is launched high into the night sky. Miguelito

snaps the shotgun up and FIRES, blowing the ball into a

million scintillating shards that splash melodically into

the pond.

OOHS and AHHHS and APPLAUSE. Miguelito turns to a dapper

MALE GUEST and gestures to another shotgun being held by

Voltaire:

MIGUELITO:

Be my guest.

The man's FRIENDS goad him on. He embarrassedly takes

the gun and assumes the shooting position.

Another glass ball is launched. He shoots. He misses.

His friends LAUGH. He hands back the gun. Voltaire

reloads it. Miguelito smiles pleased and looks around.

MIGUELITO:

Anyone?

CASSANDRA:

Here. Mr. Tyler. He claims a

certain skill at handling firearms.

MIGUELITO:

Wonderful! Our new friend from

the wild west. Please...

Jim steps up and takes the shotgun, expertly testing its

balance. He nods to the trapmen. A ball is launched.

POW. It's history.

More APPLAUSE. Miguelito honors the shot with a slight

nod. Jim hands back the gun to Voltaire.

Miguelito raises two fingers to the trapmen. They nod,

and launch two balls simultaneously. POW! POW! He

expertly blows them both out of the sky. Big APPLAUSE.

All eyes shift to Jim as Voltaire again offers the gun, a

clear challenge. Jim takes it, looking Miguelito right

in the eye. Then he turns to the trapmen.

Two fingers. Two balls. Two shots. Score tied. Even

bigger APPLAUSE!

Miguelito's impressed.

MIGUELITO:

Very good, sir! I think my guest

might be a sharpshooter by trade.

JIM:

No, sir... just a businessman.

MIGUELITO:

Really? Must be a dangerous

business.

JIM:

I deal with some tough customers.

Miguelito smiles. Figuring he can hustle this cowboy, he

lays a hundred dollar bill on the table. The crowd reacts.

This is a lot of money.

MIGUELITO:

Continue doubles to the first miss?

The crowd watches. Cassandra watches, eyes flashing.

She likes this action.

Jim coolly matches the bet. CHEERS from the crowd.

Miguelito smiles and reloads.

Miguelito's turn. BOOM! BOOM! The guy never misses.

Jim nods graciously and holds up -- three fingers.

MIGUELITO:

(snickering)

Sir... I believe you have only two

barrels.

JIM:

How embarrassing. Did I hold up

three fingers?

Then he holds up -- four fingers.

The rattled trapmen look to Miguelito -- what do we do?

He scowls. Is this guy for real? But he gives them the

nod.

Four balls fly at once. Jim snaps up the shotgun -- POW!

POW! -- that's two. He drops the gun and swiftly reaches

left and right, pulling a six-gun out of Voltaire's jacket

and another one out of Bruno's belt. BLAM! BLAM!

He breaks the last two balls just before they hit the

water!

The crowd goes bonkers. Cassandra stares at Jim downright

hungrily. Jim hands the guns back to their owners.

JIM:

You know, you really shouldn't

loan your guns to strangers.

Miguelito's not having fun anymore. A SERVANT rushes up,

whispering to him urgently. Miguelito nods to his guests:

MIGUELITO:

Will you excuse me? Perhaps Quick-

Draw here can give you all some

pointers.

(to Cassandra)

Miss Thompson, come!

With an apologetic smile to Jim, Cassandra hurries to

follow them. Jim tries not to be too obvious as he follows

them out.

INT. MIGUELITO'S MANSION - THE GRAND SALON - NIGHT

Jim glides into the salon, catching sight of the hurried

group disappearing into a dark, wood-paneled library. He

ambles over and develops a fascination for a Chinese vase

near the open door. But Bruno closes the door. Damn.

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - SERVANTS' STAIRWAY - NIGHT

Artemus peeks out the servant's stairway into the long

hallway. He ducks as the pretty maid he spoke to earlier

comes out an impressive set of doors. She walks past

unseen Artemus. The coast is clear. He strolls down the

hall.

He stops at the doors, pulling a pen-sized object from

his pocket. He holds it up to the keyhole and squints

through the end of it.

ANGLE - ARTEMUS' P.O.V. - A FISH-EYE VIEW

of Miguelito's office.

BACK TO SCENE:

Artemus smiles and tests the doors -- locked. No problem.

Out of his lapel he pulls a concealed lockpick. CLICKETY-

CLICK. Door's open. He slips inside.

INT. MIGUELITO'S OFFICE - NIGHT

Artemus locks the door behind him. An oversized desk

with a small, throne-like chair dominates the office which

is cluttered with papers and books. A row of portraits

adorn the wall:
Miguelito as Ramses, Miguelito as Caesar,

Miguelito as Richard the Lionhearted.

Artemus moves quickly to the desk and starts looking

through the papers, reading from a stack of receipts:

ARTEMUS:

"Loveless Carriage Company,

Baltimore, Maryland... Loveless

Investments Limited, Atlanta,

Georgia..."

INT. MIGUELITO'S MANSION - GRAND SALON - NIGHT

Jim is still outside the library. The doors open and

Voltaire lumbers out. Jim gets a quick look inside --

Miguelito sits at a writing table, taking down information

given him by a tall, imposing GRAY-BEARDED MAN to whom he

is unusually deferential. The man paces the room, unhappy

about something.

Jim eyes the man. He recognizes him but can't place him.

Miguelito uses an ink blotter to dry the ink and thrusts

the paper at Bruno, who takes it and hurries out.

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