Wilson Page #7

who would harm or degrade

any living creature in any way.

Amen.

So whatever happened

with you and Francisco?

Diego?

(CHUCKLING)

He turned out to be

a real a**hole.

Oh, jeez, I knew it!

You know, those

guys who come off

all emotional and caring,

they're bad news.

You deserve to be

treated with respect.

(SIGHS)

I guess I'm just not used

to all this walking.

So what was prison like?

They say that there's no

such thing as rehabilitation

and people come out worse

than they go in, but I...

kind of feel like it helped...

turn me into an adult.

(CHUCKLES) Finally.

Breathe.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

You're so tight.

Flip over on your tummy.

Tummy, okay.

Whoa.

(EXHALES)

I think that you and I have

a lot to teach each other.

Huh.

You're so open and fearless.

(WILSON GRUNTS)

I'm always worrying what

other people are thinking

and second guessing

every single little thing.

Well, you know,

I wish I'd have

started this years ago.

I spent so much time

pining after my ex

and moping like an idiot.

I'm ready for...

a real relationship.

Someone with a...

kind heart

and an open demeanor

and a gentle spirit...

Motherf***er!

(BONE CRACKING)

Ahh!

WILSON:
Call me a caveman

or whatever, but...

I still say the world

was a better place

before everybody had

one of those damn things

in their house.

I want to hear this.

I just need

to finish this email.

I mean, I feel like I'm fading

into oblivion

While...

everyone else is

scampering to keep up.

Fifty years from now,

there won't even be

the slightest trace

of my existence.

Nothing.

Like...

(LAUGHS) Like

I never existed at all.

Mmm. It's horrible.

(BOTH MOANING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOTH PANTING)

I just have to...

It might be George

about tomorrow.

Hello?

No.

No.

Look, he has no interest

in talking to you, and we'd...

just prefer

if you don't call this

number anymore, okay?

Thank you.

Who the hell was that?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow.

Hi.

You look so...

grown up.

Thanks.

You look good, too.

Oh! Well, you know,

if you'd have seen me

when I first got out...

forty months

of eating pure crap and...

sitting in a little room

with a window this wide...

I looked like a fungus.

Mmm.

So, uh, did you hear

from your mother?

You know,

she's run off to Australia

with her N.A. sponsor.

Yeah.

Tucker.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

She emailed me before she left.

Yeah, like

they don't have cocaine

in Australia or something.

Look, Claire, I'm gonna

need some kind of apology

or something.

Some acknowledgment

of the unconscionable way

that you turned on me

at the trial.

Look, I was a kid.

I did exactly what my

parents told me to do.

And I am sorry, but...

I had no idea how to

deal with a crazy,

chaotic situation like that.

Okay, look, Polly and

prison and Australia,

none of it matters to me.

But to see you get up

on that stand

and say those things about me!

Look, I'm sorry, Wilson.

I really, really am. But...

it's not why I'm here.

I'm going to have a baby.

And I thought I should

tell you in person.

I guess I wanted to know

if he was gonna

have any weird diseases

or something.

But I mean, you're

just a kid yourself.

(SIGHS)

Don't start with that.

I get enough of that sh*t

from everybody else.

I just... A baby?

A baby.

So that makes me a grandfather?

(LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES) Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I just came here...

to sh*t on you

for ratting me out

to the Feds, and now this?

This is... This is...

(IMITATES EXPLOSION)

WILSON:
You know,

Portland is not so bad.

I could be there to help her

with anything she needs.

What are you talking about?

I can't move to Portland.

Oh, no, I know.

I wasn't, you know,

suggesting...

I know this is a really

emotional issue for you...

but you have to accept that

she's not your daughter.

You barely know her and...

she sent you to jail,

for Chris-sake!

Okay, that's true.

Point taken.

Also, it's totally disrespectful

to the people who did raise her.

Hi, ma'am! Can I

play with your dog?

They don't need any

more stress right now.

Let me just pet him.

Sit tight. I'll be

there in 10 minutes.

Hi! Hello! You are

such a beautiful girl.

Excuse me. I got to go.

Wilson, she has to...

Wilson!

I really love you.

Hey, dude.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Wilson, she needs to go.

I'm sorry.

She has to leave.

Wilson, she needs

to leave. Wilson!

What the hell

are you doing here?

I come in peace.

I just wanted to talk

to you and your wife.

I'll get a restraining

order if I have to.

Please, I mean no harm.

Just the opposite.

I wanted a chance...

to get to know you

and Mrs. Cassiday a little.

I... I brought this

for Claire.

I thought

she might be interested

in her family tree,

and there's photos.

Yeah, well, we don't

want you or your book.

I'm asking you. Go home.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

I gave you a chance to

raise this wonderful girl.

If you love her, then...

you love a little

piece of me, too.

That's it.

I'm calling the cops.

You have everything

in the world!

Can't you just find it

in your heart?

Yeah, I have an intruder

on my property.

Uh-huh. Yes, I Will.

I'm sorry.

Thanks for taking care

of my baby. You...

did an amazing job.

Uh, yes.

Um, you know,

actually it's okay.

Yeah, false alarm.

No, I'm sorry.

Thanks very much.

CLAIRE:
Hey.

Hey!

What are you still doing here?

My mom said

you were beating off.

No, I... I know...

that I f***ed everything up.

I'm just asking

for the tiniest...

shred of hope

that you might someday...

let me be a small

part of your life.

What do you mean?

I'm just gonna come

right out and say it:

I want to move to Portland

and help you

with the baby and...

And...

make up for all my mistakes.

No.

Look, I can't hurt

my mom and dad anymore.

They're already freaked out

about this whole baby

thing, and I can't...

Please?

I don't think so.

Please, Claire?

I wouldn't be in your way.

Claire?

Can I at least come visit you?

The little f***er might like me.

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you.

You know,

I really have to just

take stock of my life.

Start counting my blessings.

The fact is, I got it pretty

good here with you, Shelly.

You know, I mean,

we all want people

to love us

for exactly who we are.

But that's not really

possible in this world

because we're just all too

unbearable. You know?

We got to...

make the best

of what we have, you know?

I thought you were

moving to Portland.

I did say that.

Hmm.

(CHUCKLES)

WILSON:
Before this,

I was screwed.

And when it was

all said and done,

figured I'd just die

and be forgotten.

A handful of ashes

dumped in the ocean.

(RINGING)

Hi.

WILSON:
Oh, my God.

(LAUGHS)

WILSON:
But now...

Now there's someone to

remember me when I'm gone-

It's Grandpa Wilson,

right there!

At least until some

horrific apocalypse

wipes out the human race.

Hi.

(CRYING)

Can you hold him up

a little closer?

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