Wish I Was Here Page #5

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah.

I mean, I guess, no.

It's funny, you spend your whole life

hoping it'll all mean something,

and ultimately it

really comes down to

one question in a

neatly folded pamphlet.

How should we deal with your bones?

Honey, maybe you shouldn't

be looking at that right now.

How are the kids?

Scared.

Yeah.

I just always imagined

I'd have a better handle on what

I believed by the time we had kids.

And we got pregnant so young,

and now I have these

little faces looking up

at me and I don't know what to say.

I know, I'm with you. F*** if I know

what we're supposed to be doing here.

As parents or on Earth?

Can I say both?

Gracie, wake up, sleepyhead.

What's going on?

We're going on a field trip.

I made you a bowl

of cereal, but I ate it.

Is Grandpa gonna die?

It looks that way, sweetie.

Are we gonna bury him in

the backyard with Whiskers?

Oh, buddy, I don't think

we're allowed to do that.

We're gonna have to ask

Grandpa what he wants.

I think he'll want

to be with Whiskers.

All right, guys, here we are.

Follow me.

Shouldn't we set up our camp?

We'll do it later. This way.

What are we doing out here?

I'm showing you one of the

coolest places on Earth.

I'll race you to the top.

Wow! Look at those legs!

Lookit, the little legs are fastest!

This is it. This is the spot.

What is it?

This is the spot where I

had one of the deepest,

most sincere, spiritual

moments of my life.

The last time I had an epiphany,

it was right here.

What's an "aniffany"?

An epiphany is when

you realize something

that you really needed to realize.

You know, sometimes in life

you can get kinda stuck

and you feel like you should

have changed chapters by now,

but you can't.

Are you stuck because

Grandpa's dying?

Am I stuck because Grandpa's dying?

Uh, yeah.

I think that's one of the reasons.

And because you haven't worked

since that dandruff commercial?

That's in there, too.

Thanks for reminding me.

Well, the sun went down.

What do you guys say,

should we make a fire?

Yeah.

All right, let's do it.

Help him out, Grace, help him out.

Will Grandpa be able to

see us when he dies?

I don't know, buddy. I don't know.

Nobody knows what

happens when you die.

There's as many opinions

as there are people.

And some people will tell you with

absolute certainty they know.

But they're wrong?

No. No, I'm not saying they're wrong.

Right now I kinda

feel like they're lucky.

'Cause the rest of us, until we

see something that makes sense,

until we hear something we believe,

we're kinda left with nothing.

Tell us a ghost story.

I don't know any

ghost stories. Do you?

I'll think about it.

All right, you think on it.

I can think of one, too.

I know they usually end

with someone has a claw.

I could tell you something Grandma

used to say to me when I went to bed.

How about that?

- Okay.

- All right.

I remember a little bit.

"And indeed there will be time

"For the yellow smoke that

slides along the street

"Rubbing its back

upon the window panes

"There will be time

"There will be time

"To prepare a face to meet

the faces that you meet

"There will be time

to murder and create

"And time for all the

works and days of hands

"That lift and drop a

question on your plate

"Time for you and time for me

"And time yet for 100 indecisions

"And for 100 visions and revisions

"Before the taking

of a toast and tea"

Wake up, sleepyheads.

It's time for school.

Did you have an epiphany?

No. But I did have

a really good idea.

You can pick any one you want.

- Any one?

- Any one.

Just as long as it is unique

and amazing like you.

Oh, hey, pal. Come on in.

Oh!

Just watching this kitten video

on YouTube. This kitten is crazy.

Sorry, can I talk to

you about something?

Sure. Come on in. Have a seat.

What's on your mind?

It's just that I'm

having some trouble

getting used to my cubicle partner.

- Jerry? But he's hilarious.

- Yeah.

It's just that he's a

little inappropriate and...

I know I'm relatively new here.

So I don't want to ruffle

anyone's status quo.

But I think it's time I let you know

that he's making me uncomfortable.

Okay, so what did he say?

Well, he started with saying that

when he's not wearing any underwear,

that he gets these

little half-boners.

Mmm-hmm.

He also made it talk to me.

Who?

His half-boner.

Well, what did it sound like?

I don't know.

It's like a high-pitched...

Like a ghost voice.

Okay, but he didn't do a black

guy voice or anything, did he?

He didn't do anything racial?

No, it was high-pitched.

- Good.

- Like a mouse.

Or, like I said, a ghost.

Like a ghost mouse.

Sure.

Okay, okay. Look, Sarah,

I know we don't always run things

according to the book around here,

but I think you need

to lighten up a little bit.

Nobody's trying to touch you.

No one's making their

penis talk like a rapper.

So, I'll tell you what. I am going

to move Jerry out of your cubicle

and I'm also gonna tell him

to tone it down a notch.

But you need to promise

to smile a little more.

You know, a little bit

more Hakuna matata.

I don't know what that means.

It means, "No worries for

the rest of your days."

No, I have two children,

I know it's from The Lion King.

I just don't understand how that

applies to the water department.

It means that you need to

lighten up a little bit, Sarah.

You've got something

everybody else wants.

Remind me what that is.

A job.

Right.

Well, I guess technically this

could qualify as art class.

Hey, bud, make sure you're cutting

along the lines here

that I drew, okay?

That's for the chest piece.

It's very special.

Aren't you a little old

for playing dress-up?

It's hardly playing dress-up, Aidan.

It's for Comic-Con.

The top prize is $1,000.

Not to mention the chance for

some congratulatory poontang

from a super-hot Furry I just met.

What's poontang?

It's what the astronauts drink.

- Can I have some poontang?

- One day.

It's only available in space.

Damn it.

So, hey, we're gonna meet

up at my house around 6:30

and then we'll go see Dad, okay?

Oh, yeah, right. I've been meaning

to talk to you about that, Aidan.

You know, I got a ton of work

here and plus, I'm not going.

What?

Dude, what's the point?

I haven't seen him for, like, a year.

I guess my tolerance for being called

a disappointment has

an expiration date.

You haven't spoken to Dad in a year?

No. The last time he called

me was on my birthday.

I think my present was a

20-minute thesis on why I suck.

So you're just gonna cut him off.

Dude, you gotta see this

from my perspective, okay?

You at least have

a wife and a family.

When he looks at me,

all he sees is failure.

Well, what about Grandma?

No. My mom believed in me.

With her, things were different.

She at least made

him a tad bit nicer.

But with my dad...

Nope, never gave him any

reason to be proud of me.

All right, let's try it on.

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