Wish I Was Here Page #6

Well, what do you think?

- So cool.

- Awesome!

Aidan?

We both spent our entire lives

wishing we could be something great.

And now we're finally

called upon to do something

that requires some actual

bravery and you run and hide.

You know what the problem with

hiding in a fish bowl is, Noah?

Everyone can see you.

Come on, guys. Let's go see Grandpa.

Grace, come on.

Bye, Uncle Noah. I love you.

All right. Thanks. Thank you.

I'm lost in balloons.

Right in here. Right in...

Look who it is, Grandpa!

Give Grandpa a hug.

Hey. Thank you.

Got you some balloons.

Mommy will put those in the corner.

I'll take those.

What's wrong, Dad?

What'd these hippies do to your hair?

Oh, it's just temporary dye, Dad.

She was just having a little fun.

- Right, Gracie?

- Yeah.

Looks like you work in the

world's oldest profession.

What's the world's oldest profession?

Being an angel was the

very first job there was.

Beautiful angel.

I am your angel, Grandpa.

I daven a healing prayer

for you three times a day.

- Once in the morning, once...

- Grandpa!

I bought you a fart buzzer.

What's a fart buzzer?

It's this thing.

You press different buttons

and it makes different

funny fart noises.

You may choose any

fart you would like.

I choose for you the Ripper.

Oh, I see the

homeschooling's going well.

Tucker, do you know

your times tables yet?

No. But I know this.

I don't know if Grandpa's a

big fan of the fart buzzer.

- I'm gonna take the fart buzzer.

- Put that away.

You gotta learn those times tables.

Oh, he's just working

on addition, Dad.

Yeah. He's six.

I know my times tables.

Yeah, there you go. We got

someone who knows them there.

Good. Study hard.

Don't become an actor.

Well, maybe I'll take

the kids outside.

No, sweetie. Don't, no, no,

no one's going anywhere.

Yeah, I think maybe

it's time to take them.

It's fine when you're

playing around in college.

But sooner or later you have

to provide for your family.

You're gonna need those times tables.

Well, maybe Tucker will have a wife

who loves him and supports him.

And will remind him of the answer

if he occasionally forgets.

Maybe he'll marry someone

that enables his fantasies.

Lets him sit around waiting

for a dream to come true

while his children sit dumbfounded

by the edge of a muddy pool.

Grace can't even swim,

for God's sakes.

Um, grandpa,

I found something for you.

Something that you're gonna need.

What, my angel, my hope?

What the hell am I gonna

do with welder's goggles?

Well, here, put them on.

You look good.

Now, when you head into the white

light, you won't have to squint.

So you can find Grandma.

Guys, that was fantastic.

Why don't you take a break?

Terrific job.

It was beautiful, you guys.

- Really nice.

- Thanks.

I'm not here to convert.

Good, 'cause I've

already met my quota.

Have a seat.

You know, I was kosher

until I was 13.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah. My father told me that I was

officially a man at my Bar Mitzvah.

So I told him that, as a man,

I wanted to have a bacon

double cheeseburger.

I think I saw his head explode.

But to his credit, he let me eat

whatever I wanted outside the house.

I think I impressed

him with my logic.

What brings you to temple, Aidan?

When we were kids, my brother and I

used to pretend we were these

superhero space-men.

We'd go out to the

woods behind our house

and pretend it was

this mystical planet

and we were the only ones

who could save everybody.

But I've been thinking

about that a lot lately.

Remembering those fantasies

for the first time in, like,

14 years.

What do you think it means?

I don't know. And I'm even

embarrassed to say this out loud,

but if I can't say it to you,

I can't say it to anybody.

Do you think

God is trying to tell me something?

Trying to guide me in some way?

And if you say He works in mysterious

ways, I will run out that door.

Do you feel any spiritual

connection at all to anything?

Infinity.

Looking up at the sky with my kids

and trying to explain to them

that it goes on forever.

I do feel a spirituality in that.

Could that be God?

God can be whatever

you want him to be.

You're getting tangled in semantics.

Try not to get caught up in the

God who wants you to be kosher,

and the God who wants

you to study the Torah.

Start with God as

the infinite universe,

and imagine that that force may be

trying desperately to guide you

through the most challenging

part of your life.

Even if it has to appear to you

in the form of a space-man

to get you to listen.

Why does Grandpa have baby jellyfish?

Those aren't jellyfish, buddy.

Believe it or not,

those are contact lenses.

Your grandpa saved all the

contact lenses he ever wore.

Why?

He said he just couldn't

bear to throw them out

'cause it's everything he ever saw.

It's weird, right?

I know, but it's kinda

good-weird. I like it.

Well, he must have

seen a lot of stuff.

He did. If you think about it,

all those years,

all the things that he saw with

his eyes through those lenses.

Also, before he retired,

he was a microbiology professor.

What's that?

That's someone who studies things

you can only see with a microscope.

So, really, really,

really tiny things. Hey!

I know the albums are fascinating,

but I could use a little help

getting this place set up

so it's nice and cozy for

when Grandpa comes home.

So, if Grandpa's dying,

then why is he coming home?

Because we don't want Grandpa

to be alone in a scary hospital.

We want him to come home and

be with his family, be with us.

So we're making him all cozy so

he's happy when he meets God?

Yeah.

Whoa! When did Grandpa

have this cool car?

Look at that thing.

That, my friends, is a '62 Cadillac.

Look at those fins.

Look how happy he was, huh?

Why, this was taken at a dealership.

He could never afford that car.

That sucks.

It does suck.

It's cool.

Hello. Welcome to Aston Martin.

Hello. Um, my name is Marco

and I work for Sean "Puff

Daddy" "Dirty Money" Combs.

Um, these are Puffy's children,

and he's asked me to

come in and test drive

the new Aston Martin DB9 Volante.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Of course.

Please, come right here.

Be good, children.

I know what you're thinking.

"Why are Puffy's kids white?"

Valid question.

Well, so many celebrities were

going and adopting black children.

- You know what he went and did?

- Mmm-mmm.

He went to Switzerland and adopted

these two skim-milk popsicles.

Tucker! Do not.

Tucker, it's not funny.

I know what you're trying to do.

You do?

Do you know how many

people walk in here

and try to sweet-talk their way into

test-driving one of these bad boys?

- So annoying.

- Hey! I never fall for it.

But I can see your daughter's sick.

So, you know what?

I'm gonna make an exception.

And you don't even

look good in the wig.

So take it off, like, seriously.

- No way.

- It's my wig.

She is sick, isn't she?

Have some respect.

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