With Honors Page #4

A deal is a deal, Harvard.

Can I borrow some condoms?

No, but you can have some.

An endurance test.

More like a pop quiz.

Oh, Courtney! Have a good night.

Good night, Monty.

Are you expecting an invasion?

I don't want to be murdered in my bed.

Your bed is the one place

you're totally safe.

Are you going to watch him all night?

Locking your girlfriend in.

Good night, little ones.

Give me some books.

I'm perfectly capable

of carrying my own books, thank you.

Here!

Chapter 2.

I read it.

That stuff is coming out the wrong end.

I'm sorry you didn't like it.

This isn't just some term paper,

this is my life!

- Your life is a bunch of papers?

- I know it sounds pathetic...

...but my dream is to get into government

and help people.

You think those ideas will help people?

It's a bunch of pessimistic junk!

That's not going to help.

That's giving up!

The best professor here happens to think

that this has promise.

His opinion, not yours!

That's my life!

Wait a minute, Harvard.

Let me show you my life.

There it is. That's my life.

I got this one on a beach in Bali.

Best night's sleep I ever had.

You remember one night of sleep?

The last good one I had.

What's this shiny white one?

Yeah, that one.

A woman.

Who was she?

The one.

The one true love.

How about that. You're a romantic.

All quitters are romantic, Harvard.

Each stone tells a story

that I want to remember.

All I do is hold them in my hands

and rub them.

And, abracadabra, I'm back there.

Give me your books.

Tell me about the woman.

- I can't.

- Why not?

I'm not holding the stone.

Let's sit down. There's a bench.

I actually come here sometimes

when the weather's warm.

Beautiful, ain't it?

I got a friend sleeps on that bench

over there.

I like to study outside.

Study?

What happened to you?

Didn't your father ever play ball with you?

Let's go, if we want to eat.

Relax, take a breather.

You didn't answer my question.

Didn't he ever play with you?

My past isn't part of our deal.

Excuse me.

You still don't think I'm human, do you?

There's nothing to tell.

My father left when I was 5.

He left my mother to live with

another woman and he had kids with her.

When I got into Harvard he wrote

and told me how proud he was of me...

...and he was sorry

he couldn't help with tuition.

That was the last time I heard from him,

'cause he died.

My mom's terrific!

Uncle Bill took me to Little League.

Piece of cake.

Doesn't sound too tough. Was it?

No.

What about you?

How long were you

in the Merchant Marine?

None of your goddamn business.

- Where were you before Harvard?

- Princeton.

I was hanging out with Al Einstein!

I kind of inspired him!

He got stuck on some formula

so I told him!

''You got a steady job, your wife loves you,

don't make yourself crazy.

''Everything's relative.''

There you are, Mr. Fuel Pump,

good as new.

Just in time. Breakfast.

There you go, boy. One page.

What is this?

Oatmeal.

Roughage. It's good for you.

It's good for a horse.

Give me that page back. Here!

Eat up, Simon. Got a big surprise for you.

Our founding fathers...

...or to be politically correct...

...our founding parents...

...designed the Constitution

to prevent the presidency...

...from becoming another form of tyranny...

...an elected king.

Well?

Did they succeed?

I smell an ambush.

Miss Moore...

...do you have an answer?

The president is not an elected king.

Indeed.

Could the president of the United States...

...without consulting those he governs...

...more or less destroy the entire world?

I guess he could.

You guess he could.

Could Julius Caesar have done that?

Could Napoleon?

Could Adolf Hitler?

But they tried to.

Aren't you making a false analogy?

Oh, this is my lucky day.

I ask a question

and I get a question in response.

You do belong in government, my dear.

Sit down, please.

Does anyone have an answer for me,

instead of a quiz?

Don't be a hero, boy.

Mr. Kessler, your thoughts.

The president can't bomb without reason.

He has a reason. He thinks we need

more parking spaces.

The point is, can he destroy the world?

Not without Congress.

Mr. Kessler, after four years of Harvard...

...has it escaped your attention...

...that the president can make war

for 90 days without consulting Congress.

That's right.

Thank you very much.

At least I'm going to pass this course.

Sit down, please.

My question still stands.

What is the particular genius

of the Constitution?

- Nice try, General Custer.

- Shut up!

I told you not to get up there.

- I told you not to be a hero.

- You promised to be quiet.

- I told you not to stand up.

- You can't talk. This is a lecture.

You, sir!!

Who, me?

Yes, do you have an opinion on this.

No.

Are you a student in this class?

No.

Are you a guest?

No, I'm a bum.

There are no bums.

There are only the ''financially challenged.''

No, I'm a bum.

But bear in mind, I'm a Harvard bum.

You must be the logical result

of an open admissions policy.

No, sir, my presence here...

...is a logical result of the search

for edible garbage.

You're here for the garbage?

That's right.

Colleges produce a lot of garbage.

And Harvard produces more than most.

What wit.

Inspired, no doubt, by...

...Wild Turkey.

You ask for charity...

...pleading that society has failed you

and you need help.

But, actually, you're quite capable

and what you really want is...

...alcoholic bliss.

I'd rather drink rubbing alcohol

than listen to you, if that's what you mean.

And according to the 21st Amendment,

you can drink anything you want.

Which door do I leave from.

At Harvard, we don't end our sentences

with prepositions.

Well, in that case,

which door do I leave from, a**hole.

What democratic eloquence!

You asked the question, sir.

Let me answer it.

The genius of the Constitution is

that it can always be changed.

The genius of the Constitution...

...is that it makes no permanent rule

other than its faith...

...in the wisdom of ordinary people

to govern themselves.

Faith in the wisdom of the people...

...is exactly what makes the Constitution

incomplete and crude.

Crude.

No, sir. Our founding parents were

pompous, middle-aged white farmers...

...but they were also great men...

...because they knew one thing

that all great men should know!

That they didn't know everything.

They knew they'd make mistakes,

but they left a way to correct them.

They didn't think of themselves as leaders.

They wanted a government

of citizens, not royalty.

A government of listeners, not lecturers.

A government that could change,

not stand still.

The president isn't an elected king,

no matter how many bombs he can drop...

...because the crude Constitution

doesn't trust him.

He's a servant of the people.

He's a bum, okay, Mr. Pitkannan.

He's just a bum.

The only bliss he's searching for is...

...freedom...

and justice!

I'm sorry, sir.

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