Without a Paddle Page #2

Look at this. It's one of our mix tapes.

Remember we did the DJ intros?

Yeah, let's not Wang Chung tonight.

Burn that.

You guys, check out this map.

- Looks like Billy left us a treasure map.

- Look at that.

- Not only that...

- This map looks new.

He plotted out the whole trip.

Billy thought D.B. Landed right here.

There's no way he did this as a kid.

He must've been adding to the box

over the years.

This is the camping trip

he wanted us to take last summer.

I couldn't go.

I was detained in Mexico.

And he wouldn't do it

unless we were all together.

I swear to God, I think he figured it out.

I mean, look at all this research.

He reconstructed the jump.

He pinpointed D.B.'s landing.

That's crazy.

My God...

I'm sorry, you guys,

we made an oath.

It all goes back in the box.

It all goes back in the box

until we find the treasure.

So let's go find it.

Let's... Let's take Billy's trip.

- Come on, guys, what do you say?

- I say, "Hell, yes. "

- Hell, yes! Right?

- We'll get a canoe.

- Right?

- No.

No.

No, I'm...

- No.

- We're all going.

- Listen, I wanna get a lot of rope.

- A rope's good.

All right, I know you guys won't grasp

this concept,

but I have patients and...

I am a doctor now.

I am Dr. Mott now!

I have responsibilities!

Your responsibility is to come

treasure hunting with us.

We're 30.

This might be the last chance

we have to do something

incredibly stupid together.

I agree.

For Billy, Dano.

- Not fair.

- I think it's fair.

All right.

Time to re-up on our oath, boys.

Fingers up.

- Hey, put that away. Tom...

- I love the way you work.

You know who I'm talking to.

There's no way I'm going.

No chance!

No! You guys, no! Hey.

Let go of me!

Hey! No, no.

No!

I hate you guys.

Oh, we hate you too,

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

Hey! Hey! I agreed to come.

You said I could drive.

We drive by my rules.

No kissing me.

I can't believe that Billy kept the Duke

in running shape all these years.

How about a little

Fort Cooper classic.

This is Rocking Billy Newwood.

I'm here with fellow DJs

- Jazzy Jerry.

- Yeah!

- Gonzo Tommy.

- Yeah!

- And Disco Dan.

- Burn, baby, burn!

And we have a special dedication

by Dan's mom, entitled:

"I've Had Sex With Tom. "

I totally did, though.

- Usually it's too late when you

- Do you know the words?

Realize what you had

And my mind goes back to a girl

I left some years ago

Who told me

Just hold on loosely

But don't let go

The boys together, the open road.

Good tunes, good times.

Good God! Let's pull off

memory highway.

But I'm never off, always on

To the break of dawn

C- O-M-P-T-O-N

And the city they call Long Beach

Putting the sh*t together

If it's good enough to take

Them off a proper chunk

I'll take a small piece

Of some of that funky stuff

It's like this and like that

And like this and...

- How do you know all these words?

- He's a doctor.

Doctors study other doctors' work.

- You're a secret Dr. Dre fan.

- Oh, God.

It's like this and like that

And like this...

- No, this is a metropolis. Look at this.

- This place is very remote.

I wish I would've brought my dancing

shoes so we can go clubbing.

- Let's find the nearest hospital.

- Stay at The Ritz. This is great.

- How are you?

- Hi.

Where are we?

Corner of Bumfuck and

You Got a Purty Mouth.

Hey, I'm gonna make a call.

Oh, wait, Jerry, you should use

my new cell phone.

It's a satellite phone,

so it works everywhere.

And it's got a camera and it's got

an address book and, listen,

it's even got a personalized ring.

Nice. You shouldn't be proud

of that, Dan.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Well,

I'm gonna go check out

the canoe situation.

- You want anything?

- Good luck. No, I'm good.

Hello?

Denise. What are you doing home?

Hey.

Hi. Is everything all right?

You know...

- It's as good as it can be.

- Where are you?

On the road.

Good. You're on your way home.

What time do you get in?

I can't wait to see you.

What you looking at, boy?

Here's the thing, the guys and I...

We're going on a treasure hunt.

And I know that sounds dumb,

but it's something that we have to do.

For Billy.

That doesn't sound dumb at all.

I completely understand.

- You do?

- Just call me when you get a chance.

But I might be out of the house.

For a bit. Yeah, because

my girlfriends and I, we're gonna go on

a search for the lost city of Atlantis.

Maybe my treasure will help

buy your submarine.

- Maybe. Maybe it will.

- Take a picture.

- Hold on.

- I'm on the little guy's back.

- Shut up.

- Go, take a picture.

That's good. That's good.

Hello?

That did not sound like it went well.

Hiya, boys. Nice day.

Just passing through?

No.

We're actually from UPS.

Looks like someone ordered

a set of teeth.

- I beg your pardon.

- TASER guns. Dropping them off.

- Anyways...

- So help me out here, boys.

Where was it you said

you was headed?

We're just taking a trip. Our old friend,

Billy, he made this map...

Quiet time. Quiet.

We're just taking a day trip

up Spirit River, Your Honor.

Pretty thick country up there.

You make a couple mistakes up there,

you're gone.

You know what, I think we'll be okay.

I was a Boy Scout.

Tom, you were a Boy Scout,

weren't you?

No. But I ate a Brownie once.

You don't wanna play

on the big river, boys.

- Oh, no, we're not playing, we're...

- I got this. You listen to me.

I know a thing or two

about rapid-riding

because I was a white-water guide

in Northern California, NoCal.

Here's the thing. I know how to read a

river better than you can read a book.

- Just a little better.

- All right.

- All right. So we're gonna get going?

- That's right.

- Thank you, sheriff.

- See you, Ray-Bans.

You think we got enough booze,

Tom?

Maybe you wanna hire a bartender

to come on the trip with us.

What's a camping trip without beer?

Well, it's still a camping trip, actually,

just with less vomiting.

I hear you're a river guide.

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

Class IV, V?

- Which is it?

- Why don't you try putting

those numbers together. That's right.

I've shot a class 45,

and I've never lost a man.

Lie to me. I don't care.

I'm not the one that's going to drown.

All right, fellas.

Here we go. Attention.

We christen you

"Duke II."

Thanks for breaking glass

where my kids play.

There's a transmitter in the canoe.

That way, if you guys disappear,

at least we'll get our boat back.

It's child's play, guy. We got it.

- It's beautiful!

- This is the best.

- I like it out here.

- This is Spirit River!

Get you out of the doctor's office,

Dano.

- It's good to be outside.

- Yeah.

Get you away from

that computer, Jer!

- What kind of fish are those?

- That's brown trout.

- That's big.

- Brown trout?

- Hey, look, a deer!

- It's cool.

Right out there in the open.

Hey...

Cheers.

The great outdoors!

Tom!

- You guys are spraying me!

- Give me a break,

- I'm writing your name!

- Stop it!

- Hey, don't, don't, don't!

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