Women In Trouble Page #9

His name is George.

He's back in prison.

- His name is George?

What's his last name?

- Katz.

- Charlotte Katz-Hunter.

That is the worst name

l have ever heard.

- Nobody's forcing you

to take his last name.

- Can l change my middle name?

- You don't have a middle name.

- l know, but l want

to change my name

to Charlotte D. Hunter.

- What does the D stand for?

- Danger.

- Danger is your middle name?

- Danger is my middle name.

- lt's good.

l like that.

- You know

Time will make a mess of you

You know

lt always gets

the best of you

There's so many good guys

Can you find one?

l just want to be loved

ls that too much

To ask?

l know

Life is always meaningless

l know

Life is always bleeding

Yes, there's so many

wise guys

Then there's you and me

Yeah

l just want to be loved

ls that too much

To ask?

l just want to be loved

ls that too much to ask?

Too much

To ask?

- Hi, l'm Bert Rodriguez, and

this is En Pelotas magazine,

the adult Latin world's

numero uno source

for breaking sexy news.

l'm here on the set of

Even Reverse Cowgirls

Get the Blues

with two hotties

who need no introductions.

Holly, would you like

to do the honors?

- Excuse me?

- You want to introduce

yourself?

- Oh, we've totally met.

We're in the movie together.

- He means to the camera,

sweetie.

- For all our viewers out there.

- Okay, l'm lost.

Your name's Bert, right?

- l'm correspondent/blogger

Bert Rodriguez, and you are...

- Holly.

- Exactly.

Uber hot up-and-comer

Holly Rocket

sitting alongside

adult film industry legend

and, if l may,

the foxiest f*** bunny

ever captured on video,

Elektra Luxx.

That's very sweet.

Thank you.

- So...

Holly.

What was it like when you heard

you'd be doing scenes

with Elektra?

- Wow.

l mean, l was-

l was really pinching myself.

l mean, Elektra's the reason

l got in the business

to begin with, you know.

God, l am blessed.

lt's like one big wet dream.

- Oh.

- lt's true.

- l'm like,

"Wow, she's licking my nipple,"

or, "That's Elektra Luxx's toe

in my butt."

l mean, it's-

it's really wild.

- That's so nice of you.

- But it's true.

And l've been learning so much

just watching you.

l mean, the way

you fill the camera.

- She's great.

- No, no.

l'm the biggest klutz, okay?

l'm always elbowing

the boom guy.

But she has

this supernatural sense

of everything around her,

you know?

Oh, and then

the hipster coin trick

and-and eye contact.

- Eye con-

that's your trademark.

You-you make eye contact

with the camera in a way

so the viewer at home,

he feels like, "Wow,"

like it's him

you're getting it on with.

- Or her.

- Or her.

Certainly.

How did you come up with that?

- Well, l've always been

very comfortable

with my fellow performers.

But at first, the camera made me

self-conscious.

That's hard to believe.

- Well, until l realized

the camera's

just another character

in the scene,

the main character, really.

- l wish l was the camera.

- So when l look at the camera,

it's like l'm letting the viewer

in on my little secret.

lt's a playful relationship.

- "Playful" being

the operative word,

and that's it.

- Bert.

Hey, you want to just

take that question?

Let me ask you.

You're famous for making

eye contact with the camera

in a way that makes the viewer

at home feel like, "Wow,"

like it's him

you're getting it on with.

How'd you come up with that?

- Wait, is he in the biz, too?

- l'm sorry.

You're right.

- lt's okay.

- l was totally unprofessional.

- No, let's move on.

Forget it.

- lt's just l was really excited

to meet you.

l mean, you don't know me

from Adam,

but l grew up watching you.

l mean, l know every inch

of your body

like the back of my hand.

- lt's okay.

Next question.

- Adam who?

- l'll tell you later.

- We have some questions

from our website.

We conduct fan polls

to determine

the greatest porn stars in

a bunch of different categories

from the typical

"best ass, mouth, legs,"

to more specialized stuff,

"best undresser,"

"best facial reaction,"

"sexiest moan during orgasm."

Um, let's see.

Elektra.

Right now, overall,

you are at 94%.

- Wow.

That's-that's historic.

And, Holly,

you're coming up strong,

for a newcomer.

You have "best legs" right now

by a landslide.

- She does.

- So here are some questions

submitted by our fans.

- Wait.

Do we-do we have to do

this part?

- Don't worry.

l'll help you.

- Holly,

"A man gives you a suitcase

with a million dollars.

"The catch is, if you accept it,

a Chinese man will drop

"in the middle of the street

and die.

What do you do?"

- l would pay

for the man's funeral

and then donate money

to improve street conditions

in China so that more people

won't die.

- "Elektra,

"what was the character name

of the professional wrestler

that Rocky fights

in Rocky lll?"

- What?

- Ooh, ooh.

- You know this?

- Yeah, Mr. T.

- That is incorrect.

The correct answer

is Thunderlips.

- Huh, l was in a movie

called ThunderIips.

- Back to Holly.

"Who was the only Beatle

whose first wife

was not pregnant

when they married?"

- Who came up

with these questions?

- The Japanese lady?

- Sorry.

The correct answer is George.

- Uh, don't feel bad.

This is crazy.

- Number three,

for you, Elektra.

"What is the name

of a whale's penis?"

- What the f***?

- Whale cock!

- lt's not your turn, Holly.

- lt can't possibly be

whale cock, can it?

- l'm afraid that is wrong.

The name for a whale's penis

is dork.

- Dork.

- Huh.

- Yep, the blue whale

has the biggest dork.

Ten feet long.

- Jesus.

- How state-of-the-art.

- Final question,

extra credit for both of you.

"Two people stand back-to-back

then walk 30 feet,

"turn left,

and walk another 40 feet.

How far apart are they?"

- What kind of porn site

is this?

There-there is no way

you know this.

lt's some kind

of triangulation formula.

- lt's simple trig, l think.

- Simple trig?

Who are you?

- My mom was a math teacher.

lt's one thing l'm good at.

Pythagorean theorem:

A squared plus B squared

equals C squared.

So the two people

are making two, um...

What's the word?

Um...

- Um, interconnected?

- No, conjoined.

The two people are making

two conjoined triangles.

You can solve for C

on one triangle

and then double it.

So if A equals 30

and B equals 40,

then A squared equals 900

and B squared equals 1,600,

which would mean C squared

equals 2,500.

The square root of that is 50.

Multiply that times 2,

which would be...

- 100.

- 100.

The people are 100 feet away

from each other,

which would mean

that one person's in the kitchen

and the other person's

watching TV.

- That is 1,000% correct.

- What just happened?

- Will the jerk-off

blocking the loading dock

with a '79 Toyota Corolla

move it immediately, please?

- F***.

- Oh, is that you?

- What-did he say?

Did he say Corolla?

- Uh-huh.

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