WTF!

1

What the f***?!

Rachel...

Fu...

Oh, f***...

Die, motherf***er! Die!

You have to be brave.

Okay?

I am being brave.

I know you are.

Your mom would be

so proud of you.

I wanna go see.

What?

I wanna go see him.

I don't know if that's...

I need to go see him.

Jesus Christ.

Heh. Yep.

Pretty much sums it up.

I'll tell you this much.

I've always considered myself

to be a pragmatic man...

But this?

You think she's jinxed?

I don't know.

What do you think? I...

I mean, going through

what she's gone through...

twice...

I just..

What does that do to a person?

Spring-f***ing-break, pussies!

- Hey, how you doin'?

- How you doin'?

Oh, do you want...

- Yeah, I do, actually.

That's nice. That's good.

I rolled it!

Jacob, by the way. Hey.

Hey.

One... two... three!

Aah!

Hey, Bonnie!

Hi, Donnie. Oh!

You look

fan-f***ing-tastic tonight!

You are so sweet.

And thanks so much

for throwing this party.

No, you know what would

be really sweet?

Tell me.

I want to lose

my straight-f***ing-v card

to you tonight!

Like right now!

Okay, so I don't think

we should do that tonight.

No, no, like,

let's do it right now.

Okay, I think you're

a little drunk, babe,

and also gay.

I'm ready for this...

right...

Okay...

Oh, my God,

Bonnie, you smell so good!

What the f***?

What's with him?

Tell me you finally dumped him.

I don't even know.

Sam is wasted.

I anticipated you wanted this.

Yeah, but not

with this much ice.

Bye.

God, he probably

rufied this sh*t, anyway.

Any who, you should

seriously dump him.

Do you want me

to do this for you?

I don't know...

Maybe.

- Okay.

- No, no.

Okay, listen, Rachel.

The second you let men

have control,

Your relationship is over.

You just need

to stick up for yourself

and you'll be fine.

Let's go shopping tomorrow.

Hi, I'm broke.

Hello, I'm not.

Bonnie!

Are you f***ing serious?!

Oh, my God.

Lisa, I am so sorry.

Here. Let me get that for you.

- Yeah, okay. It's fine.

Bonnie...

So good to see you.

I'm gonna miss times like these

when we graduate.

Oh, my God.

I know.

I can't believe

we're about to graduate.

It's, like,

almost time for Botox.

I know.

Those bags of yours, they're

really starting to set in.

Go to hell, Lisa.

Only two more months

'til graduation!

Who else is excited?

- Oh, my God. Don't remind me.

My dad's been pestering me

to find a job.

Financial independence.

Sh*t like that.

Mine too,

but then I reminded him

about the time I caught him

face-f***ing my babysitter,

so, yep, no work for me.

Yay...

But seriously, girls,

this is our last

spring break together.

We should definitely

do something fun,

Like maybe a girls' spa day

or something.

Or we could go to Maui.

We could stay

at the Four Seasons.

Hmm, Cancun?

Cabo's nicer.

More like Ca-boring.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Why don't we talk to the guys?

I'm sure that they'll have

some good ideas

Which might not

put me into debt.

Okay, Rachel, come on.

The guys?

Seriously? Is she still

having separation anxiety

from that thing

that she follows everywhere?

Sure, he can be a jerk,

but he has his moments.

- Right.

- Okay, Rachel.

Well, anyway, since you spilled

most of my drink,

I need a refill.

I guess I'll come.

Come on, let's go.

Can somebody clean this?

Rachel who?

It's spring break, brohemians.

Can't f***ing wait.

So are you and Rachel Who

doing something special

for spring break?

I dunno...

Maybe anal?

Gross, dude.

Dude, that's f***ed up.

You guys still

haven't done anal?

That's Jesus' favorite hole,

by the way.

She's f***in' weird

about that sh*t.

You know what you should do?

You should just, just, just

slip it in gently, you know,

While you guys

are f***ing normally.

She'll never be able to tell.

I swear.

Even if that made sense,

it's a moot point,

'cause Sam doesn't f*** her,

at all.

F*** you!

I do just fine.

What's that supposed to mean?

Like jacking off.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh.

You guys want some?

Oh, my God, Bonnie,

I wanna be transgendered

and look like you!

Spring-f***ing-break!

Hell, yeah, it is!

Bonnie, I

wanna date you sexually!

- Bonnie!

- Dah, Bonnie!

You know you would not

say a word to that girl

If you weren't drunk!

But I am, and I did,

and I'm probably

gonna do it again

after I get blackout drunk!

Wooh!

You're not gonna say a thing.

You have the smallest balls

in the world!

Hey, look at that guy!

That is inaccurate!

It is inaccurate!

As small as those are, your

balls are smaller than that!

No!

Hi, guys.

Hey, Bonnie.

So, you guys got in

without me, huh?

You can sit-you can

sit next to me, Bonnie.

Nice, nice.

- Rufies and tonic?

- Yes, please.

Getting in, Rach?

- I'm waiting for Sam.

Ugh, lame.

What are you doing here?

You know, I'm just here alone.

Alone?

Okay.

You didn't come with anyone?

Pig.

Rachel, keep your eye on him.

He's literally disgusting.

He's not that bad.

He's a flirt.

I can be a flirt, too.

- Who's a flirt?

- You, bad boy.

You are, babe.

Do you have any mints?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Is that a joke?

What?!

Dude. Motherf***er, dude.

What? Oh, the hair.

Okay, Sam.

If you can stop obsessing

over your hair

for a sec,

I wanna talk to you guys

about going somewhere

for spring break.

I'm in, as long as

it's on the cheap.

My parents aren't in

overwhelming generosity mode

after hearing about my grades

Last semester.

It must suck to be poor

and stupid, doesn't it?

I got it!

Two words.

The... woods.

That's barely tho words.

However many words,

it's a shitty idea.

Camping sucks.

- Yes, it does.

It's not camping.

It's paradise, But in the woods.

Wow, you've officially graduated

from pot to crack.

No, I'm being serious!

Just picture it, right?

It's s secluded cabin,

way far in the woods.

Nearest neighbor

is like a mile away.

Best part about it,

it's got no working

smoke alarms!

- What?

- Doesn't sound very fun.

So, relaxing in Hawaii,

or a creepy old cabin

in Bumblefuck?

It's not creepy, though!

My uncle just refurbished it

right before he died.

God rest his soul.

Glorified camping

equals glorified suck.

Bevan, it's not camping, man!

Camping wishes it was this.

Does it have Wi-fi at least?

Nope.

And, full disclosure,

It has no cellphone service,

either.

But it has electricity!

It has electricity!

Meet me half way!

Meet me half way!

You okay, Rach?

You do not have to go

if you don't want to.

Aw, Wachel's scawed.

Cweepy cabin in the woods,

all by ouwselves!

It's not creepy!

I keep tellin' you!

It's not creepy!

And if...

If anything creepy

does happen...

I got you.

I'm serious, man!

I must have water in my ears,

because I did not

just hear that.

Well, I've gotta get going

to study for my history test.

Only two more weeks.

Wow.

See you guys later.

- Bye.

- Bye, Rach.

- Damn, killing the vibe.

- See you, Rach.

Bye, Rachel.

Just to be clear.

Is she in?

Yes, she's in.

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