Yankee Doodle Dandy Page #4

Who, me? Why I've never been

in a saloon in my life.

Now look at that. Could you ask

for anything more than that?

Mr. Dietz, she's wonderful.

Don't you think so?

Don't do that! Don't do that!

Pull out the lights.

Pull down that curtain.

Get your props together, you're on next.

Start limbering up, you follow the jugglers.

You get that curtain up. You can't ring

down on a George M. Cohan song.

A George... oh, I see!

It's your song. You wrote it.

You can tell that by the applause.

Now, Mary, I want you to do an encore.

Do one more chorus and really do it.

Oh, no, you don't.

Young lady, listen.

If you're gonna try junk like that,

you'll do it on a split beat time.

But you'll not be singing

that in my theater.

You take a little tip from me.

Start packing.

If you've got any squawks, unload

them on me. I started all this.

Listen, squirt. Any more interference and

you'll be blacklisted in show business.

You won't be able to get

into a stage door of any theater.

What's more, as for those songs of yours...

...they won't be played on a hurdy-gurdy.

- Are you trying to threaten me?

- Mary, don't pay any attention to him.

- Get me the key to your dressing room.

Drunk or sober, the dog act goes on

on the next show. And look here...

Bring down the curtain!

Cohan, you're fired! You're canceled.

You're washed up!

You and your whole family!

Oh, things were tough.

But at least I was in New York.

I had a trunk full of songs and play

scripts and a heart full of confidence.

I'm glad I had it.

I'm sorry, I can't use this, Cohan.

Youth needs confidence. I'd learned my job

the hard way, all over the United States.

Guys who'd never been past the corner

cigar store said my stuff was no good.

A kid had to believe

in himself to buck that.

- What do you think?

- I didn't like it. Didn't appeal to me.

What do you mean it didn't appeal

to you? I'm the senior partner.

- I make the decisions.

- Well, what did you think?

- It didn't appeal to me either.

- Which proves you have no ear for music.

He's got no ear for music. I'm the senior

partner. I have a wonderful ear for music.

- The libretto is a grand story, isn't it?

- I laughed all the way through it.

That's my cue. If Harold laughs

then I know it isn't funny.

Why don't you have Mr. Cohan sing?

Maybe you didn't like "Harrigan"...

...because I haven't got much of a voice.

- I think you have a lovely voice.

- Don't you think so, Mr. Dietz?

- Yes. If you'd like a job answering phones...

Are you or are you not going

to produce my play?

If you think I'd put my wife's money

in that trash, you're crazy.

That's it, Mary. That's enough.

They've had their chance.

- Have you an appointment?

- Yes. I'm Sam Harris.

I want to see them

about this melodrama.

- We don't teach them their business.

- We're busy. We have no time.

You don't know it,

but your days are numbered.

You're making room for the likes of me.

Someday, Mr. Senior Partner...

...you're gonna come to me and

admit you were wrong.

In 20 years of show business, I never

once admitted I was wrong.

- That's his department.

- And your wife's money...

- Excuse me. I have an appointment.

- Who are you?

My name's Sam Harris. I have a

melodrama here called Wildflower.

Wildflower.

One, two, three, four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine, ten. Horses.

Oh, and Indians.

Come on. Don't let a couple like that

get under your skin. No sense in crying.

- Buffalo is such a beautiful city.

- Is that what you're crying about?

It's a beautiful city,

but I hate to go back to it.

Don't worry, you won't have to.

I'll show them.

I'm gonna have my name posted and

plastered up and down Broadway.

Now, you stick along,

we'll whip them to a standstill.

- I never really thought of leaving.

- We'll make this business holler for help.

That's what we'll do. They'll all hear

from us. Every one of them.

I'm the senior partner.

I'll do the throwing out.

You don't have to throw me out.

I know the way.

That's the last time I'll

ever bring you a play.

That's my department.

I will take it to Clower and Erlanger.

They don't always think of box office.

- Thanks.

- Too expensive.

Didn't even read the second act. Probably

the biggest forest fire ever on a stage.

I think he's a little upset.

by this time in Buffalo.

The juggler just paid

three weeks back board.

Put him at the head of the

table so he doesn't reach.

Where shall I put the magician?

Until he's paid he sits at the foot

of the table with the Cohans.

- Starvation corner.

- And put the goulash at the head.

Keep everything but the noodles and

syrup out of the reach of the Cohans.

Noodles and syrup are just

enough to keep them alive.

Anybody who owes me two month's

board bill I just keep alive.

I don't have to wait on them.

- Good evening.

- Good evening, madam.

Oh, no, no, no.

From now on, this is your seat.

- Oh, thank you.

- And you, master magician...

...you sit over there with the Cohans.

Madame, some day I hope you will give

me the pleasure of sawing you in half.

I just heard today that Hammerstein

was bringing over the Scotch actor.

Harry Lauder at 2500 bucks a week.

Hammerstein's a great showman. A lot

of people have never seen a Scotchman.

Take some goulash, Mrs. Cohan.

Did you have that appointment

with that man about your booking?

Oh, yes. He's gonna give work

to the act any day now.

What happened to that Boston offer?

That was a mighty sweet proposition.

Four weeks' guarantee, $300 a week,

and top billing.

Well, we didn't take it.

You see, it just wasn't right.

Any act that lays off as long as

you have, any offer's all right.

- Butter?

- Thanks.

We just thought we'd rest

a few more weeks.

Yes, my brother's writing some new

material. We're just not ready to open.

You're not fooling anybody.

Everybody knows that you, Nellie and

Josie can get work anytime, any place.

But nobody wants Georgie.

He's made trouble in every theater

this side of San Francisco.

You can't lay off just because every

manager in town has blackballed Georgie.

His family hasn't blackballed him.

We may take a lot of hard knocks and

make a lot of sacrifices...

...but if they want our act, they'll take him

too. We're not breaking up our act or family.

All right, all right. Let the blackballs

fall where they may.

Madame Bartholdi,

champagne for everybody!

- Swell.

- Even if I had it, who would pay?

Dietz & Goff. They're producing

Little Johnny Jones.

- George, really?

- They went crazy about the book.

Dietz said to heck with his wife's

money. He's gonna use his own.

Second round of champagne on me, if

you had it. Pass that goulash down.

Oh, George. Think of those billboards.

Book, music and lyrics all by

George M. Cohan.

- Oh, Georgie, l...

- Take it easy, Josie.

There's enough water on the goulash now.

Dad, I'm gonna be tied in rehearsal

for the next few months.

Why don't you and Mom and Josie

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