Yankee Doodle Dandy Page #8

I'm going to write you the most

terrific wedding march ever put on paper.

It'll pack the pews.

Dad, tell Josie just because she's getting

married that's no reason to break up the act.

We're just as much an institution

as marriage is.

No one knows that any better than I do...

...but we want to settle down

and raise a family.

What's the matter, can't he raise a family

and be a stage manager too?

Oh, George.

George, I'm afraid your mother and I are

breaking up the act before Josie is.

You hear that?

All three of them, walking out on me.

- Well, it's been a 40-year run, remember.

- We're giving our two weeks' notice, George.

All we'd like to do now is spend

the rest of our days here on this farm.

You can't do that. You can't put an actor

out in the grass, fresh air kills him.

We've gained nearly 10 pounds apiece.

You can work it off,

the show's ready for rehearsal.

- They're grand parts in it for both of you.

- No, George, I...

We've had good times together.

Well, new shows need new faces

and new feet to go with you.

From now on, it's just you alone, son.

- Well, what's this?

- A surprise, Dad.

- Happy birthday!

- Happy birthday, Mr. Cohan!

- Here we are.

- Which one do you want to open first?

- Make your wish.

- I have.

Good one, Dad.

- Which should I open first?

- How about opening this one?

I'll open this one, you open that one.

- This will match your new suit.

- I think someone gave me that last year.

- It looks fine.

- It looks grand.

It's made from that old backdrop you

like so well. Fireproofed and everything.

- Oh, darling, that's a lovely watch.

- I'm so glad you like it, Dad.

- This is better than being on next to closing.

- The only trouble is it's three minutes fast.

Dad, press the little button on the side

and see what happens.

It plays "one on one"

and segues into "Dixie."

- Here's more ties that you won't like, Jerry.

- Well, I'll have to open up a store.

- Here's a letter from George.

- Don't read it now. That's between us.

You haven't written me in 20 years.

I'll open it now and read it.

George, this isn't your party.

Now sit down and let him read his letter.

- Sit down.

- Come on, Dad.

Probably only a bill for his jacket anyway.

"Dear Dad, this is your 62nd birthday,

and God bless you.

Maybe I've never told you before,

but no son ever had a better dad...

...or one to be prouder of.

You and Mother have always given me

more love and understanding...

...than I ever deserved.

And all the luck I've had is due

to the things you two have taught me.

Nothing I can do could

ever repay the debt...

...but here's a little present

for you and Mother.

From this day on,

you and I are partners...

...in every theater and

theatrical property I possess.

Half and equal.

The Cohan Theater,

the Astor, the Gaiety...

...and the Grand opera House in Chicago.

And all my plays and songs,

as long as they...

...or you and I, live."

These are not my reading glasses.

Why didn't somebody give me

some reading glasses for my birthday?

"Wish you all my love.

Your son and partner,

George."

Well, George, on behalf

of your mother and myself, l...

There she goes, stealing the scene again.

One success followed another.

But there was one challenge I hadn't met.

Critics said musicals and cheap

comedies were all I could write.

I'd wave a flag, they said.

Nothing else.

So I wrote a legitimate drama.

Very deep and very significant.

No music, no gags, no flag-waving.

I called it Popularity.

The title showed how hard I was hoping.

I couldn't attend the opening because I was

appearing in The Yankee Prince.

- Open it up.

- Keep it closed, Buck.

Cohan, you're surely not going

to your dressing room now.

- You're good for another five curtain calls.

- That's enough for tonight.

- Mr. Cohan, are you sure you're feeling well?

- I feel all right.

- Any news on Popularity?

- No, but they should be ringing down now.

You'd think Sam would let me know.

Well, it's a good sign. They probably

couldn't tear themselves away.

- What time is it?

- 7:
30, sir.

- That clock right?

- Yes, sir.

Wonder what's keeping them.

They ought to be here by now.

Maybe something's wrong.

Got the reports on the minstrel show.

- What'd we lose this week?

- Oh, 10,000, more or less.

- What's the total loss so far?

- A few dollars under 200,000.

That include the cost of the red ink?

Popularity better be a hit.

A lot of dough sunk into that too.

Eddie, find out what's keeping them.

- What did the papers say about the show?

- Here they are. Rave notices again.

Rave notices. That's bad.

The better notices you get,

the more it costs you.

All except the last act.

- Alexson suggests a new finish.

- Oh, I see, a new finish.

How about Saturday night?

- Close it?

- Close it.

Saturday night.

- Give the company two weeks' salary.

- All right.

- Well, good evening.

- Good evening.

- Hello, dear.

- Hello, Mom. Darling.

Well, Dad, I was worried about you.

Sit down, sweets, right there.

You sit down.

That theater's awfully cold, George.

- Better have more heat put in.

- Take care of that.

Remember that skating act from Camden?

They were there.

I wonder where they got the money.

Fagan, Feeny and Riley.

I remember them well.

Well, come on. Tell me.

How'd it go?

The audience loved it.

Every minute of it.

The sets were beautiful, George.

- Why so quiet, Sam?

- The toughest house I've ever seen.

The critics walked out

at the end of the second act.

Come on, Dad. Come on.

Let's have it.

Well, there's no use

beating around the bush.

Pretty bad, George.

Could've been a lot better.

All right, you write a bad play.

The only thing to do is forget about it.

Everybody's entitled to one failure.

Let's go to Delmonico's, have the party.

Just as if the show was a hit.

You take the girls on over there,

and I'll see you in about a half-hour.

I got some things

I want to talk over with Sam.

Those critics have been after me for years.

They'll gang up on me and do a good job.

But I'll beat them to it. I'll take an ad

in every paper alongside their reviews...

...telling the public we got the greatest show

in town, sold out for 10 weeks in advance.

It'll be my word against theirs.

- Georgie, you can't do that.

- Why not?

You got too big a reputation.

Listen, you can't disappoint the public.

We stuck our necks out,

we got clipped.

Georgie.

You can't do this.

You'll always regret it.

- Sit down and take this.

- We'll be sorry.

- To the theatergoing public.

- George...

To the theatergoing public.

I wrote a play called Popularity.

Mr. Harris and I produced that play.

In the opinion of people we respect,

it is a bad play.

In this, we heartily concur.

It is a very bad play.

I do humbly apologize and ask forgiveness...

...for having presented anything

of which you couldn't possibly approve.

There will be five more performances.

Please miss them.

Signed...

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