Year One Page #3

- Oh, yes.

- They stopped here to poop. Look.

- No, I don't want to.

Two men, maybe three. A child.

Or a small woman, maybe.

What are you doing?

You don't know where that's been.

- I know where it's been.

- Don't touch it.

You don't know if a squirrel

has peed on it.

Still warm.

Almost hot in the center.

Looks like they had some nuts.

Apples, maybe.

What are you doing?

- Yep, apples.

- What difference does it make?

That doesn't help us to know that.

You can tell if they ate some sh*t.

There's a lot of sh*t in that sh*t.

My mistake, this is bear poop.

What's that, though?

This one's mine.

Tonight, we feast.

We're gonna need

some arrowheads.

This is where you die!

Easy, easy.

He won't get far.

- Did you shoot my cow?

- Oh, no.

Yes. Well, we're hunters.

Well, he's a hunter. I'm a maker.

- A maker?

- I made this loincloth. I make arrows.

I've made a shelf unit for my hut.

I welcome us to you.

- What do you do?

- What does it look like?

- We're farmers.

- Well, he's a farmer, I'm a herdsman.

You're a suck is what you are.

- My brother Cain. I'm called Abel.

- You are called "suck."

There you go with that "suck."

What does that mean?

Short for "suckle."

Short for "suckle up."

You're suckling up to God.

You're a suckle-up.

Somebody's upset because God

looked on my sacrifice with favor.

"God looked upon my sacrifice

with favor." I mean...

- Is he a total suck or what?

- Hard to say. We just met.

- Is he a total suck or what?

- Hard to say. We just met.

Why are you bringing these guys

in it?

- They live in a tree.

- Oh, see?

I mean, come on. You just gotta be

so superior to everyone else.

No, but superior to... Than you.

Superior... Let's see how superior

you are when I kick your ass.

- Oh, yeah?

- You want some of that?

- Yes, I do.

- Guys.

- I'm right here. I'm right here.

- No, come on.

No. This smug a**hole insulted you,

and I want him to take it back.

- We're not that insulted.

- Why don't you make me?

No, no. Boys, boys.

You are brothers. Let's just relax...

...and let's all just get

some perspective...

Yeah. Yeah. That's how we do it.

That's how we do it. That's...

- There are rules that we abide by.

- Yeah, right.

- Should we do something?

- Just let them settle it.

I tripped.

Well, I guess that settles it.

- What?

- Nothing.

It's... He's all right.

He's just... He's resting.

Well, he's tuckered out

from the fight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's... You know what?

Let's cover him up with a little dirt

and some straw...

...to keep him warm

until he wakes up and...

Hey. Abel, what are you doing

with my foot? Playing possum?

Hey. Oh, hey, stop it.

He's choking me.

Stop it, Abel. Are you trying

to choke me to death, Abel?

"Yes, Cain, I am."

Come on, stop it!

Self-defense. Clearly. Self-defense.

What have I done?

What have I done?

What have I done again?

What have I done some more?

What have I continued to do?

Oh, guys.

Guys, we're in some real trouble here.

What do you mean, "we"?

I don't wanna play the blame game

but you hit him.

No, no, no. There's two of you

and there's one of me.

- You could have stopped me.

- Didn't know you were gonna kill him.

- Are you calling me a murderer?

- Did I say that?

It was an accident. Right?

Yeah, you were holding a rock...

...and he ran into it

with his face repeatedly...

...until he just couldn't pull through.

- It was horseplay.

- It was horseplay.

It was two horses playing.

One murders the other one...

Yeah. It's probably best if we

didn't mention this accident to anyone.

Because, you know,

people don't understand, and...

Who am I gonna tell?

I can't think of one

who'd be interested.

I'd only tell him

and he's a witness as well.

- Why even bring it up?

- Okay.

- It's like he killed himself.

- Cry for help, if anything.

All right. Good.

I like you guys. I do.

I like you guys a lot. I do.

Why don't you come over

to my place for supper?

- We already have dinner plans.

- Damn.

Why don't you come over

to my place for supper?

We'll come over to your place

for supper.

I mean, how many times

do we see you?

- Just don't kill me.

- No horseplay.

- What?

- Nothing.

What are these big,

round things for?

They're wheels, numbskull.

They make the cart roll.

I feel like a bird.

Bring it forth.

Hello.

I'm gonna yak.

Hey. What's wrong with you?

- Let me get your hair.

- That was too fast.

Cain, I ask you again,

where is thy brother Abel?

I don't know.

I haven't really seen him at all.

Have you... You guys...

You guys haven't seen him, have you?

- Don't know who that is.

- I don't... Never...

- Don't know who you're talking about.

- What's his name?

- Sure he's out there somewhere...

- I haven't seen anybody anywhere.

Never had the pleasure.

Sure he's in the prime of his life.

This is good soup. Really good.

Lilith said she saw you

in the field with him.

Oh, man, this bread is good.

Oh, really? That... Oh, yeah.

No, that was yesterday, right.

No, this day.

She said you both made offerings.

- Oh, that was Boaz. Yeah.

- No.

- Japheth. It was Japheth.

- No.

- Enoch.

- No.

- I'm sure it was Gilgamesh.

- No.

- Ishmael.

- No.

- Ezidia?

- No.

- Jennifer?

- No.

Now I'm remembering correctly.

It was Tishbaven.

It was you. She said

it looked like you were arguing.

Yeah, well, let's be honest.

Lilith is a lying b*tch.

Look, I mean, we're brothers.

We're gonna argue, it's human nature.

- Show me the perfect family.

- His flock goes untended in the field.

Okay, look. Enough.

Am I his keeper?

Okay, look. Enough.

Am I his keeper?

I mean, just get off my back, Father.

I wish you were dead too.

Even though Abel's not dead at all.

I fear the worst for Abel.

I'm sorely vexed.

You're welcome to spend this night

with us.

You may lay with my daughter Lilith.

She is without a husband...

...and as the Lord said,

"Be fruitful and multiply."

What about me?

You may share the bed

of my son Seth.

- Thanks, Papa.

- Yeah, there you go.

I multiplied with sheep.

Smell that.

Hello.

Feeling fruitful?

My bed is small but you're welcome

to share it. It's the way of my people.

That is such a good way to be.

In fact, I'm kind of surprised a pretty

girl like you is sleeping alone, anyway.

I'd have thought

guys would be lined up at the door.

- Oh. I don't like men.

- Maybe...

...you just ain't met the right one yet.

Loincloth rising.

- No, I like girls.

- We have that in common.

No, I'm attracted to women.

I don't even know what that means.

- What does that mean?

- I like to have sex with other women.

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

All my brain blood was in my boner.

That was such a good one.

Okay, here we go. Ready, ready?

No, wait.

Little surprise on the end

of that one, right?

- Very good.

- One more, ready?

No, we're good.

Oh, do you wanna see a trick?

Do I have to?

Your brother Seth

is an interesting guy.

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