Year One Page #4

Did you know he can put

his own penis in his mouth?

I did not know that.

Whole thing. Right in there.

It's been a great sleepover...

...and thank you

for the gruel and the garb.

- Where's everybody going?

- To look for thy brother Abel.

- Good luck.

- What?

I said, good luck, Father.

I'm really worried about him.

You're not coming?

I'm just gonna stay here

and finish toiling...

...and then we'll be right behind you.

- Good.

Hey, I'm heading to the coast.

You guys should come with me.

They're gonna try to blame this

whole Abel-killing business on you.

- Why blame it on us?

- When they find him...

...and see his head, they're gonna

start pointing fingers. You're drifters.

They're gonna put two

and two together.

Now stop asking so many questions

and let's go. Go, go, go.

Cain. After him.

- They're gaining on us.

- They're getting away.

- Eat my dust, Father.

- This is really too fast.

- Oh, no, no.

- Hold tight. Hold tight.

Cain! My justice will be swift.

No. No! Damn you, Cain.

Who's in God's favor now, Father?

What are the odds of that?

Hey, am I lucky or what?

Your head's smoking.

Hey, it didn't leave a mark, did it?

Just a pink, red hole.

- Your bangs are gonna cover it.

- All right. Whatever.

This is the biggest place

I've ever seen.

It's called a town. Just act normal.

- Hi.

- Hello. Greetings, seafarer.

- That's not normal.

- Hello.

Would you stop saying

hi to everybody? It's annoying.

All right, this is a market.

Over there is a Build-A-Bear.

That's a really good container store.

Oh, this place has killer hemp.

- Yes, please.

- Next up is an unusual item.

- He's big. He's strong.

- It's Marlak.

Oh, do not worry. He is not fighting,

he is having fun.

Okay, maybe he's

little bit depressed.

Maya and Eema.

- Zed.

- Eema.

- Hi.

- Hi. Hi. Gosh.

What happened?

How did you get here?

After the fire that you started,

the hill tribes raided the village.

They held us captive...

...and traded us to the boat people,

who brought us here.

So it's such a coincidence

to run into you guys like this here.

- You think it's a coincidence?

- What do you think?

I'm not sure, but I'm beginning to think

that everything happens for a reason.

God wanted me to have

knowledge of good and evil.

- Why would he want that?

- Why are we assuming God's a he?

I don't know what to say to that.

You kidding?

Anyway, don't you guys see

what I'm saying?

Why would he choose you?

Why wouldn't he choose

someone stronger?

Chosen doesn't have to be strong.

I'm big like this.

- You have a fat face.

- My brain. It's enormous.

I'm smarter than you are.

I don't talk as much.

I'm the smartest guy in the village.

I'm the smartest guy

that was in the village.

Excuse me,

you are interested in some slaves?

Yes.

- This one looks pretty good.

- And her little friend. Very good.

- Just how I like them.

- Hey.

Feisty.

So how do we do this

if we want them?

You have money?

That depends

on what you mean by money.

Excuse me.

Perhaps I could be of some help here.

You guys, let me deal with this guy,

see if I can work out a deal.

What happened to your forehead?

I didn't murder my brother. I didn't.

All right, I'm just gonna...

We're gonna get you out of this.

You trust me?

- I want to trust you.

- Fair enough.

Next up is a twofer.

It is two for price of one.

Have a great vacation.

Never trusted that guy.

Because he murdered his brother

with a rock?

Is that why you didn't trust him?

You got great instincts.

Sorry, do you think you could move

your hands, please?

Yeah.

- Sorry.

- Thank you.

Enmebaragesi, can you move that way

a little bit? We're crowded back here.

Oh, yeah, no problem.

How's that?

Look, I want you to know...

...I blame myself for everything

that's happened.

- Yeah. So does everybody else.

- Stay away from my woman.

Not gonna be possible, Marlak.

She's not your woman.

You can't own people.

Except for the guy who bought

all of us. Apparently, he can.

- That's it.

- What?

- I'm gonna kill you!

- "I'm gonna kill you."

You always say, "I'm gonna kill you"

and you never do.

Be still. Don't make me come in there.

I'd like to see you try.

Take the slaves!

Go!

Eema, run like a cougar

is chasing you.

- Zed!

- Eema.

Come here, you two.

Go, go, go, go.

Sir, shall we pursue the slaves?

Let the desert have them.

They won't get far.

Yes, sir.

- Orders, sir?

- Tend to the slaves.

- We leave for Sodom before daybreak.

- Yes, sir.

I wonder who they are.

Their hats are really great,

aren't they?

Their hats?

When that guy

cut the other guy's head off...

...I wasn't thinking about

what a great hat.

It wasn't my very first thought, but I'd

be lying if I said it wasn't up there.

I'm just saying, if I can snag one,

I'm going to.

Now I just have to figure out a way

to rescue Maya and Eema.

How are we gonna rescue them?

These guys are killers.

Even killers have to sleep sometime.

That was refreshing.

Sh*t!

They're gone.

Now where do we go?

They said they were going to Sodom.

We're going to Sodom.

I think I have sand in my ass,

but there's no way of knowing for sure.

I'll take a look in it

when we get to Sodom.

We making a burnt offering

or something?

Yes, Isaac.

As God has commanded me.

But I don't see the sheep anywhere.

The Lord. The Lord shall provide

the sheep, my son.

What is this?

Is this some sort of magic trick?

In a way. In a way.

If this is because I didn't clean up

my tent, I'm sorry.

I'll do it right when I get home.

Oh, Dad, why are you doing this?

The Lord has spoken unto me, Isaac,

and I must obey him.

If the Lord told you to jump off a cliff,

would you do it?

- Forgive me, Isaac.

- My God.

Stop! What are you doing

with that kid?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

This is my son, sir.

We were playing a game.

All right?

It's called Burny Burny Cut Cut.

You weren't.

You were gonna kill him.

I was not going to kill him.

I was going to sacrifice him.

- There is a tremendous difference.

- Not to him.

By what right dost thou interfere?

Art thou sent by the Lord?

Yes. As a matter of fact, I am.

- Aye. Aye, verily, thou art.

- Verily. Yea.

Thou were sent by the Eternal One

to stay my hand.

- All of that.

- This is Isaac.

And I am Abraham, the son of Terah

of the House of Nahor.

We were two doors down from Nahor.

We were Nahor's neighbors.

And I am Zed, son of Zero.

And this is Oh, son of Ooh

from the House of Sticks and Dung.

The tents of my kinsmen

lie just beyond.

Come. Come, my friends.

We are the Hebrews.

A righteous people,

but not very good at sports.

This way, friends. Come.

Brothers, brothers.

Let us give thanks

unto the Lord thy God...

...for staying my hand on the mountain

this very day.

Praise be to God,

hallowed be his name.

And let us also praise him...

...for the bounty

which he hath bestowed unto us.

He hath increased our wealth...

...and blessed us with...

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