Year One Page #9

I deserve that.

Take these bricks up top.

The masons are waiting.

I would but I did something to my

neck. I think I slept on it funny.

I should probably take it easy,

or I'll be no good for work tomorrow.

Move!

You know,

the mud's really good for your skin.

- Yeah.

- Ask me why my skin's so good.

- Why's your skin...?

- The mud.

I knew you were gonna say that.

You gotta love being outside.

Move it!

Faster!

- Want some water?

- You're from the village, aren't you?

I'll bet you wish you were back there

right now.

- Yeah.

- Don't give up.

You'll get home someday.

Who's gonna take him there?

The chosen one?

You two, up! Get on line. Now.

- Where are we going?

- To watch the sacrifice.

- The king demands it.

- Is it compulsory?

There was some work that I wanted to

finish doing, get a jump on tomorrow.

I'd like to see how big you are

without that whip.

Same basic size.

All is in readiness, Your Majesty.

What now?

More virgins to sacrifice?

Yes, two. Your own handmaiden

and another slave.

Followers of the chosen one.

Discovered by this loyal soldier.

Oh, I was just doing my job.

It's what I do.

And one more to demonstrate

our own faith and charity.

For the love of the people,

and the heavenly gift of rain...

...we offer a humble sacrifice:

our own stepdaughter...

...the Princess Inanna.

- You're insane.

- For the good of the people, darling.

- You wouldn't dare.

- Wouldn't I?

If you like,

I can arrange for you to join her.

Mother.

How long did you think

I would tolerate your insolence?

Burn her.

Drink it. You won't feel a thing.

Are they booing me?

How dare they.

They love you.

They're wooing you.

That's fine. You know?

It's Maya! And Eema!

Wait, Maya's a virgin?

No, don't kill them!

- Far enough, slave.

- No, kill me! I'm a male virgin.

Marlak, we can't let them

do this! Eema!

Eema. Eema!

- I gotta get down there.

- Over my dead body.

- No problem.

- No. Hey! Hey! Hey!

- Thanks, Marlak.

- Now what?

We implore the great gods

to show us a sign...

...so that we may honor

your divine will.

Take this end. Lower me down.

Oh, dear.

Oh, no.

- What is it?

- It's a sign.

The chosen one comes! It's a sign!

He's going to end our suffering!

Fight the power! Yes, we can!

All together!

Let's cut some foreskins!

I knew

I could depend upon your loyalty.

A**holes.

Burn them. Burn them now.

Burn them all!

Don't struggle,

it's the will of the gods.

I don't think so.

Zed!

Guards!

- Sorry!

- Stupid.

Ma'am? Okay? All right?

Get the message?

Okay, we should be safe in here.

Thank you.

So, Eema, this might be a bad time

to say this...

...but that stuff

that you saw the other night...

...with the high priest, that...

He's a friend.

That was totally not a gay thing.

I always thought

that you and I had a connection.

So I just wanted to mention it now.

I always thought that we had

one and maybe...

...thought you might've

felt the same.

I just wanted to maybe bring it up

and see what you would say.

But I always thought... I always

have felt a certain way about you.

I don't know if you know or not

but you...

All those dead birds

that were always outside of your hut...

...those were from me.

- Just kiss me.

- From me like a gift for you.

I don't know,

I thought you'd like those.

I always thought that you could

maybe use the dead birds...

...in a soup or something.

Or, I don't know,

I thought they were practical.

Should I take off my undercloth?

Oh, tough guy, huh?

You want a piece of me?

I'm gonna bash your head in.

That was a nice shot.

Hey.

Hey.

Zed!

Get up and die like a man.

Nobody harm this woman.

She's not a virgin anymore.

- He's not either.

- I saved her life with my lovemaking.

Sit tight, Mama. Daddy's gotta fight.

Okay. No, wait, wait, wait!

Wait, don't kill him!

What?

I just had sex with my new girlfriend.

- So?

- I had to tell somebody. It was great.

I loved it. I'm hoping

I'm gonna get another opportunity.

- What's going on behind you?

- I'm not falling for that.

Sodomize this!

Hey, Zed!

- Stop! No!

- Get back!

- Let her go!

- No!

The gods demand a sacrifice.

You're ruining it!

- How about a little more oil?

- Yes, darling?

I always knew you'd break my heart.

A little hot!

That was ironic.

So...

...on behalf of the whole city...

...l'd like to thank the high priest

for his sacrifice.

That was really something,

wasn't it?

Come on. Put your hands together,

it makes a sound.

The chosen one! The chosen one!

The chosen one! The chosen one!

Okay, that was a little confusing,

wasn't it?

Was that a sign from the gods?

Everybody wants to know.

Well, I should know,

because I'm the chosen one, right?

Yeah!

You respect me.

Yeah!

You love me.

Yeah!

You fear me.

Yeah!

You would worship me.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Well, don't.

- Yeah!

- No.

And I'm not saying, "Don't" like,

"I'm the chosen one, so don't."

I'm saying, "Don't"

because I'm not the chosen one.

I thought I was, but I'm not, sorry.

Turns out I'm just a guy

from the woods...

...who was lucky enough to have these

great friends to watch my back.

I'm telling you, you don't need me.

You know what? Maybe we can all

make our own destiny.

Yeah. Maybe we could all

be chosen.

Yeah.

- You! You could be chosen!

- Yeah!

- And you! And you!

- Yeah!

Way over in the back! You, little guy!

Yeah!

- So you're queen.

- Couldn't have done it without you.

Yeah, you could've.

No, really, I tried for years and...

All right, maybe you couldn't have.

I was pretty amazing with the old...

Sorry about almost luring you

to your death.

Oh, please.

All right.

Okay.

See you later.

Come on, people.

- Pick up that bag of camel dung.

- Yes, sir.

Hang on to it all day.

Hustle up.

These donkeys don't pack themselves.

- I will kill you where you stand.

- Relax.

They cut a little off the end but there's

plenty more where that came from.

This is my woman.

Stay away from her, or I'll kill you.

- Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

- Just go.

Get out of here or I'll kill you.

Cranky today.

So are you still thinking

about going to Egypt?

Supposed to be a real happening

place. You coming with or not?

Well, I mean, I was kind of

planning on going anyway, so...

Let me show you this new style.

Everyone's doing it.

You open your mouth really wide.

It makes it way sexier.

I'm thinking about introducing the

tongue, but I haven't perfected it yet.

- You know, we'll work on that.

- All right.

Look at us. Two men.

One going to lead a village and

the other going to explore the world.

You sure you don't wanna come back,

help me?

You don't need me. Everybody knows

you're the smartest guy in the village.

Gonna know you're the most

incredible warrior anyone's ever seen.

The way you punched that lady? Man!

I mean, you know...

She left me no choice, so I had to,

you know, punch her in the face.

Well, we'll tell stories about you

around the fire.

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