Yellowbeard Page #2

the only way you're gonna get out of here

is feet first.

- Open the gate!

- Must be an awful strain...

being the only man in the world

knowing where it's hidden.

Why don't you share the burden

with a friend?

Gilbert.

Mr. Moon?

- Is that you?

- Get a move on, Gilbert.

Coming, Captain. Here I come.

Move, you scum.

- Yellowbeard.

- Who was that stink?

I do wish it didn't have to be

such a rush every time.

What?

I haven't got time for that now!

Well, it's been 20 years

since we had a little cuddle...

and what do you do?

Come in here and give me a kiss?

No. You rush in and hack a hole in the wall.

- Where's the map?

- What map?

If you say you don't know where it is...

I'll nail your tits to the table!

Oh, dear!

I know where it is.

It's burnt.

You burnt my map?

- But only after I copied it.

- Where's the copy?

- When little Dan came along...

- Who's Dan?

My and probably your son!

When little Dan was two minutes old...

I tattooed it on his head.

- Does he know about this?

- No. Nor nobody else, neither.

That's why I kept him

in the cupboard for three years.

That may be why he's a bit odd...

with all these books and reading

and stuff like that.

- Where is he now?

- Lambourn Hall.

Right. I'll go up there and cut his head off.

Where's my pirating outfit?

Royal Navy here.

Where's Yellowbeard?

Yellowbeard!

Where is Yellowbeard?

He's...

He's...

He's...

He's...

He's...

- gone!

- Gone!

Well...

if he's gone, you must have seen him.

No.

Who's the pretty boy?

Shut up!

And what's this?

That's Lord Lambourn's waistcoat.

He's such a kind man.

He thinks of everybody.

He left those here in case you escaped...

- and needed a change of clothing.

- I'm sure I killed the last one I raped.

It can't have been you.

The after-play was a bit on the rough side...

but not fatal, dear.

What's this Dan, or whatever you call him,

look like?

He looks a little bit

like Lord Lambourn, actually.

But a bit more like you.

Much more like you, in fact.

Yellowbeard. A tall, rough man

with a big yellow beard.

That's our agent, sir.

Did you see...

- He's blind, you stupid sod!

- I may be blind...

but I have acute hearing.

I'm not interested in your jewelry,

cloth eyes. I'm trying to conduct...

Yellowbeard...

- was here.

- How do you know it was him?

Because he sounded...

about 47...

and his clothing gave off

the unmistakable fibrous crackling sound...

- of the 80% hessian...

- Which way did he go?

...whilst the deafening

rustling of his beard...

- indicated a length of not...

- Which way did he go?

- Upstairs.

- Come on!

- Where's Yellowbeard?

- He's in prison, isn't he?

Your husband escaped this evening.

We know he came straight here.

Come to think of it,

somebody did come in here a while back...

- but I don't think it was my husband.

- These are his clothes.

Wait a minute.

Somebody did pop in and rape me.

- These must be his clothes.

- That's Yellowbeard, all right.

Prison has reformed him.

He never bothered to take his clothes off

in the old days.

- Where did he go?

- I've no idea.

Right, Mansell. Bring those clothes.

We'll need a scent.

- For the dogs.

- Right.

Yellowbeard?

- Evening, Gilbert.

- Now look here, Pew.

- I'm all ears.

- Those two gentlemen that just left...

you didn't tell them everything you heard,

did you, shipmate?

What gentlemen?

I didn't hear you mention

much about a map.

- What map?

- Yellowbeard's map.

The one that any pirate worth his parrot

would give both his wooden legs for.

You're drunk, Gilbert.

Your mind's wandering.

My hands will be wandering

towards your throat, Pew...

if you don't tell me what it is you overheard.

So you can pass the information

on to Mr. Moon...

so he can find the treasure?

Over my dead body.

Very well, if those are your conditions.

I was hoping we might see this eye to eye.

I'm afraid you've forced my hand.

Listen up, my hearties! Listen.

This dear old blind man here...

is a government agent! It is true.

I saw him talking to those two.

It is a lie!

I only told him one thing...

about a treasure!

- Treasure?

- Bolt that door.

- Bolt that door, lads.

- Draw them curtains.

- Draw them curtains!

- Put them other lights out.

Put them other lights out, lads!

- Where's Yellowbeard?

- Mr. Moon, sir.

I was following him,

and then I thought I was being followed...

- if you follow me.

- Who'd follow you?

Some stupid blind man.

Well, we've got to follow Yellowbeard,

and make sure no one else is following him.

Do you follow me?

What's going on in there?

Evening. Sounded as though

there was a bit of a squabble.

Squabble?

- They're all dead.

- AII?

Must have been more of a tiff then.

Squabble, tiff.

Mr. Moon!

I imagine being in the Navy, you must know

quite a lot about the sea and what's in it.

- A trifle.

- A trifle?

Yes, I once had a rum trifle,

but I only drink when I'm working.

- Indeed.

- There you are, Lambourn.

I was wanting your advice

on a matter of etiquetty.

Now, does one curtsey

before saying adieu...

or does one go down while speaking?

Oh, dear. That's tricky.

Excuse me, Admiral.

I must just have a word with this gentleman.

I shan't be a moment. Oh, I say.

Who was that chap who just seized hold

of my wife? Do you know him?

Steady. Steady.

He seems to have taken

quite a shine to Lady L.

Yes.

Not many people do, you know.

But when they do, they do.

And when she does, she does.

- Is your name Dan?

- Yes.

- I need your head, my lad.

- You're my father.

So your mother says,

but that's no reason to believe it.

- Never trust a woman or a government.

- Well, pleased to meet you.

I haven't got time for idle chitchat!

I need your head.

Well, that makes a change.

Mother seems to disapprove

of me using it at all.

You're not gonna use it.

You're gonna lose it, lad.

I'm gonna use it.

Right. Put your neck over there.

- It'll be cleaner that way.

- You want to cut my head off?

- What for?

- I don't want to lug your body...

halfway around the world, do I?

Your head's got a map on it that I need.

Well, you don't need to kill me for it.

Look, why don't you copy it?

What? And have two maps? Bugger off!

Look, if you cut my head off,

it'll start to putrefy.

- Do what?

- Putrefy! Go rotten!

Yeah, it would ooze a lot. Heads do.

But I can live with that.

No, stop! Look! I could help you, Dad.

Everyone will be following you...

- and if they catch you, they'll have the map.

- Bugger them!

I'll eat it first.

Won't be the first head I've eaten.

But then you'll have lost it forever.

Look. Wouldn't it be better

to leave it where it's safe?

What? And take you along?

You're not pirate material!

You wouldn't fit in.

Hello, Dan. Been doing some gardening?

- I don't believe we've been introduced.

- All right, Dan.

If you're my son, prove it.

Kill this stupid old bugger.

- Now hold your horses.

- I can't kill him. He brought me up...

just like a father.

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