Yellowbeard Page #3

You mean he's beaten you and kicked you

and smashed you in the teeth?

- Yes.

- No!

- No.

- He's been kind and gentle.

- What kind of father is that? Kill him!

- No!

- All right. I'll do it.

- No, don't!

Look, he could be useful.

Yes, I could be useful. I could, I could,

I could. What could I do?

- They followed you here.

- I'll kill them all!

- No, quick hide in here.

- All right.

But I'll kill anyone that gets in the way

of me killing anyone.

We'll take him to Dr. Gilpin's.

He always knows what to do.

- And then kill everybody!

- Whatever you like, Dad.

Dad? Him?

You mean to say I'm not your father?

No. Mother says he is,

but you're still my father to me.

- I'm still my father to you, Son.

- Look, you brought me up.

You're my father. I don't even know him.

- Lambourn!

- I'll come with you, Son.

- This Dr. Gilpin, is he your father?

- No, he's your closest friend.

I look forward to meeting him.

Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five...

Lady Lambourn.

- Well, he's not even married to her.

- I think he's blind.

Under her command, so to speak.

Now, see here, if you go with him,

you'll be criminals.

You'll never be able to return to England.

But if the government gets the treasure...

they'll only waste it.

Warmongering in Europe.

There we are.

- That looks nothing like me!

- Well, that's the whole idea.

I've got to go with him, my father,

to get the treasure.

- I've got the map of the island.

- Could be very dangerous.

It'll be dangerous. Do the boy good...

to get a bit of senseless violence

into his life.

Will you come with us, too, Doctor?

Why, think of all the new plants

and medicines you could discover.

Yeah. What's this?

Stop! That's a precious extract

from a rare tropical tree.

One drop of it paralyzes a man instantly.

Perhaps it wears off instantly.

No. No.

Possibly ineffective

when taken through the mouth.

Well, of course, if we really were...

going on a botanical expedition...

- They're here.

- Kill!

- There's no need to.

- We must find a name for you.

- Professor...

- Professor Flask.

- Professor Death!

- Professor Chair.

- Professor Rape!

- Professor Clock.

What about Professor Anthrax?

- Yes.

- Anthrax.

Bugger off, you evil git!

Evening, Doctor.

I was just saying good day to Mr. Pew.

Lord Lambourn. And Dan.

- And?

- Yeah, this is Professor Anthrax.

- That's Yellowbeard.

- I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!

- You've met your father then.

- Yes.

We've got some exciting news.

- You're all going after the treasure!

- Treasure? No.

- No.

- Botanical...

Killing plants!

- Chasing butterflies.

- No.

Well, I'm entitled to my share.

What with all the lying and cheating

and tattooing that I've done over the years.

- Don't worry, Mother. You'll get your share.

- I don't ask for much.

I'd just like to see

a few of my little dreams come true.

I've always wanted to buy Denmark

and be richer than the Queen.

Yes, and if you do your job

covering up for us, Mother...

- that will all come true.

- And by the way...

why did you tell me that I was his father?

I didn't.

You were so sure he was,

I didn't have the heart to tell you.

I think...

we'd better sail for Jamaica at once.

We'll find a ship...

at Portsmouth.

I was only taking what's my due

to cover expenses.

You should see the mess they made.

- What happened?

- Plague.

Plague?

All sudden like.

Lucky I was out.

- That man's got a sword in him.

- He fell on it.

- Has Yellowbeard been here?

- He's dead, too.

And Lord Lambourn and Dr. Gilpin.

And my son.

My son, Dan!

All gone, all dead.

- Oh, my!

- Oh, hell.

If they're all dead,

what are you gonna tell the Queen, sir?

I mean, we're supposed

to follow them to the treasure.

- Halt! In the name of the law!

- All right! I'm not deaf!

All right, Pew, what have you heard?

Little did Yellowbeard surmise...

as he presented himself

to his prospective traveling companions...

that the details of the engagements

were being overheard...

by a tall blind man of impressive bearing...

- aquiline features...

- Cut the purple prose, Pew.

Just give us the facts.

Where's Yellowbeard gone?

- Portsmouth.

- With whom?

Three people.

Lambourn.

Dan.

Dr. Gilpin.

Right, Mansell.

We shall be needing that frigate.

Come on, Mansell.

We'll be needing Mrs. Beard.

I think a month or two at sea

will loosen Mrs. Beard's tongue.

Is she going away, too, sir?

That'll do him.

How's that for a squabble, Pew?

Here! Stop! Thief!

Fresh flowers!

Get your lucky heather!

Yoo-hoo, fresh flowers, sir?

Yes.

Fresh heather! Fresh flowers!

I've always been fascinated by the sea.

It's so big.

It has the little...

It's the mouth of the river port, isn't it?

Oh, my God!

Come on.

Harden your knives here.

Sharpen your knives.

Can I have three farthings

for a lump of sh*t, please?

I beg your pardon?

I said can I have three farthings

for a lump of sh*t?

No.

Society's to blame.

Harden your knives here.

Sharpen your knives.

Excuse me a moment.

Look out! Press gang! Get out! Press gang.

- Get him. Come on.

- Catch him over there.

Come on, get him!

- That's the stuff.

- Press gang?

Yes, they persuade drunks and vagrants

to become sailors.

- What happens when they sober up?

- They're at sea.

Okay, get that one in there!

Shove him in good, please.

All right, good. He was a bit thin.

Those ones over there, they look good.

I say.

I'll give you three farthings, young lady.

There we are. Oopsy daisy.

A good big one

will always beat a rotten little one.

What's going on, hey?

What do you think you're doing?

Just borrowing your jacket, Bosun.

I say, sir. I just saw two naval gentlemen

going the other way.

Where's Yellowbeard? Professor Anthrax.

He can't be far. He'll find us.

He needs that map.

Well, I hope he finds us

before they find him.

And it's not long before we sail.

Now, we know it's an island close

to Jamaica, and we've got the map of it.

But without him to tell us which island,

we might as well go home.

Now, I'm sure some of you gentlemen

would like to volunteer...

for a well-paid, well-fed adventure holiday...

such as youths dream of...

upon a modern, rat-free, leak-proof ship!

Any volunteers just lie down on the ground

with your eyes shut.

Would you gentlemen be looking for a ship?

- We...

- Well, as a matter of fact...

we're lucky enough already

to have tickets for the...

Load them on.

Take them to the ship.

- Come on, kick him out! Come on!

- Oh, my God!

He's thrown her in the water tub!

- Take your hands off of me!

- Shut up and move!

I want these three shackled in the bilges.

Move over!

Come on, old man.

There's no need.

We can make our own way there.

Sign here. I'll make your mark.

- There's your shilling.

- Thank you, sir!

Don't do that. Don't do that ever again.

- Get off, lad.

- All right. Come on, move it.

I never noticed that hook

when he signed on.

Nor did I, sir.

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