Yellowbeard Page #6

- That's right.

Triola, you realize your father may be killed?

Oh, Daddy won't mind.

He's a bit odd about things like that.

I must pack my things.

Excuse me, Your Monstrosity.

Our prisoner here must be very importante.

There seems to be

quite a little army gathering down there.

- Could it be their leader?

- No.

But there is a man

of very high rank giving orders.

He would know where the treasure is.

He is the one we must capture.

That would be very difficult, O Berserk One.

He would be the last in the attack

and the first to escape.

Typical leader for you.

What did you say?

I said, except for you,

O Mindless Slaughterer.

That's the answer. Yeah.

We will lure their leader to the front

by allowing their attack to succeed.

Yes.

We will pretend to resist

and fake injury and death when they attack.

Excuse me,

why are you banging your head like that?

- Was I?

- Yes, you was.

We all seen you, you silly man.

Excuse me.

Yes, and when the invaders reach

the throne room, my men will rise up...

and dispatch all

with majestic heavenly force.

Magnificent strategy, Your Arrogance.

But it must look realistic.

Anyone caught overacting...

I will personally scare to death.

- Alms for the poor.

- Social parasite.

Take the donkey.

- My bowl. Where is my bowl?

- Come on, burro!

Hold on, men.

This way.

Welcome to our trap.

Come on, Ebenezer.

Now everyone wait for my signal.

Oh, except you.

That is pathetic!

- What?

- What about this, sir?

Go back to your position. Go on!

So far, so good.

This way, men.

Vasquez, don't overdo it.

- Alms for the poor.

- On guard.

And you.

Jolly good.

Touch.

Good shot.

Look at this, sir.

This is terrible!

I will have no more bad acting!

- That was great. Bravo.

- Cool.

Bravo.

What do you make of it?

Dead. Entirely.

Release that man.

You have fallen for

one of my least likely plans.

Stand up, men. Come on, you guys.

- Up. Up.

- I administered a drop of this to them all...

just as a precaution.

Well, then, you give me no choice.

I shall have to... I shall have to...

give up completely.

Sorry about that. Sorry, sorry, everyone.

I'll go free your friend, then, shall I?

I'm much too fiendish

for the likes of you white-faced persons.

Your friend, who you value so highly,

is in my power.

- Well, what sort of power?

- What?

Well, what sort of power do you have?

My divine right

to command over life and death.

- That sort of power.

- That sort of power, yes.

I thought perhaps

you meant mechanical energy.

As ruler,

my supremacy is absolute on this island.

I thought this was an atoll.

- Not at all. Not an atoll.

- No, not an atoll? Oh, no. What is it, then?

- This is an isthmus.

- Isthmus.

Silence and obey, or I shall kill your captain.

Yellowbeard.

Father, we thought you were dead.

Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous

than when we're dead.

How you getting on pirating?

- Well...

- How many men have you killed so far?

One. Two, I think.

You think? You'll never kill anyone

if you go around thinking.

Triola.

I don't think you've met my father.

Been out raping, lad? Nice work, lad.

No, I haven't raped her.

No, you wouldn't have, you poncey little git.

You're not the prawn of my loins.

Your mother's a bloody liar.

That's what I liked about her.

She couldn't be your mother.

No woman ever slept with me and lived.

- What's happened to Daddy?

- I killed him.

He's gone to heaven.

Oh, that's nice. He sent all his friends there.

She's yours, is she then, Dan?

Let me have a bit of a prod at her first.

- Father!

- Captain Dan!

Captain Dan. It's Mr...

- Who?

- It's...

It's Mr. Moon.

Moon? That shithead Moon?

It's time I got rid of him.

Dad, stop. Look, we'll all fight Mr. Moon.

Oh, good. Another battle. Well done, Son.

Dan.

Come on, men. Let's go get our treasure.

So long, mate.

Don't worry. I'll spend your share.

- No, you won't, Mr. Moon.

- It's little Captain Dan, huh?

Yellowbeard!

Moon, you bastard, what betrayed me.

I'm gonna make you eat

both your own buttocks.

I've got a score to settle with you,

Captain Yellowbeard.

Good girl.

Hold your throat on this sword.

He's all yours, lad.

Dan, watch out.

Get going!

Great shot, young lady.

Later, Triola. I must find my father.

You mean Yellowbeard? He went that way.

Well, Commander Clement...

I had high hopes

you would consider sharing.

Just lead me to Yellowbeard's treasure,

Mrs. Beard.

- That's all I want.

- Right.

Well, as I recall...

it should be in that direction.

Let's see, that's stagger, stagger,

crawl, crawl...

No, that's crawl, crawl. Right.

Crawl, sir?

Come on, men.

Right, right.

Stagger, stagger, right and jump.

- And stagger.

- Jump.

- Stagger, stagger, jump.

- Jump. Wait for me, sir.

It's quite good exercise this, really, isn't it?

Get shot, stagger, stagger, stagger...

roll...

stagger, stagger, stagger a little bit, then...

stagger, stagger, crawl, stagger...

stagger, stagger, roll...

and crawl, crawl, crawl...

- stagger, stagger, stagger...

- Father, are you all right?

...stagger, stagger, stagger...

- Father?

You made me forget where I was,

you stupid little sod.

- What were you doing?

- Shut up!

Did I just say stagger or was it crawl?

- I don't know.

- It was crawl.

But was it crawl to the right,

crawl to the left...

or crawl, crawl, then to the right,

then stagger? Or was it...

Oh, bugger me,

you've sodded the whole thing up...

like the stupid little twerp that you are.

I was recreating what happened to me

Why didn't you stay with us?

- Because I wanted to betray you.

- But why?

I had to. Betraying's all part of pirating.

If you don't know that,

you're not even close to being a pirate.

- Prawn of my loins, my foot.

- What?

You're either born a pirate or not.

It's in the blood, Dan, and it's not in your

blood, or you'd have betrayed me long ago.

All right, I may not be a pirate,

but at least I've got a brain in my head...

so why don't we

just follow the instructions?

Right.

Right.

Six paces north, left at the rock,

then four paces west.

Right, come on, lad.

Give us a hand. Stride, stride, stagger left...

stride, stride, then dig.

Go on, make yourself useful, lad.

You know, the way you was

fighting back there...

there may be some pirate blood in you,

after all.

Well, I did have a hand

in forcing Mr. Moon into the acid.

With your head on my shoulders,

we can wreck civilization.

- And stagger and jump and jump...

- Keep hopping.

...and stagger and stagger and jump.

Go on, Dan, use your dagger.

- Look at it all.

- Hip, hip, hooray!

- Triola, we're rich.

- Come on, Dan.

Congratulations, Father.

But I didn't...

- You are a Yellowbeard.

- What?

Killing your father

as I killed my father before me.

- Dad, the blood.

- Blood.

That's what I like to hear.

You are my son.

Halt, in the name of the law!

Well done there, lad. Got him at last.

All right, men. Keep your guns on him.

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