Yellowbeard Page #5

I know you are, sir.

There's a ship behind you.

Good lord, sir! It's The Edith!

Sir?

Of course it's The Edith, Mansell.

But, sir...

it is behind us,

and we're supposed to be following it, sir.

Well, how can we be, sir?

- Strike the colors, Mr. Beamish.

- Strike the colors, Mr. Beamish.

- Hoist the French flag.

- Hoist the French flag.

- Hard about.

- Hard about.

They mustn't know

we're after them, Mansell.

If we can convince them we're French,

they'll avoid us.

Perhaps then we can return

to following them discreetly.

What sort of ship is it?

Some kind of frigate.

We wouldn't have come across it,

if we had kept our course.

No, no. We wouldn't.

There's a flag.

They're French, and they're rounding on us!

Stand by to fire.

Oh, dear.

Stand by to hide.

All right, Mansell,

so we'll just sail quietly past, all right?

Aye, aye, sir.

Ready? Fire!

- Are you all right, Mansell?

- Yes, thank you, sir.

Sh*t.

What do the fools think they're doing?

We outgun them. We outman them.

We're much faster than they are.

I think it might have something to do

with the French flag we're flying, sir.

All right, then to avoid suspicion,

we better appear to retaliate.

We'll fire a bit and miss a lot.

Fire!

Lower the guns!

Fire!

Raise the guns!

Fire!

More sail!

More sail!

- Clear the debris!

- Clear the debris!

- Carpenters to action!

- Carpenters to action!

Jettison some ballast, Mr. McKenzie.

We must sail as fast as we can

without our sail.

Well done, lad!

This calls for a celebration.

Well done, Captain.

Oh, yes.

No disrespect intended, Your Lordship.

Straight back, head up and thrust.

Well done, Son.

- Straight back, head up and thrust.

- Captain.

Get out, you coward.

- Ebenezer.

- Yes, Percy?

- I've been thinking.

- Oh, yes?

Can brandy make you see things?

- If you drink enough of it.

- Oh, that explains it.

- That island I thought I saw.

- Island?

- It is an island.

- Of course.

It's beautiful.

- Prepare the longboat, Mr. Tarbuck.

- Aye, aye, sir.

Now, men, a group of us are going

to put ashore here for provisions.

Provisions. Oh, yes. Of course, sir.

Could be a mirage.

Looks rather like a mirage I once saw.

If I saw it.

Is it anything like the map on my head?

This is the island.

I gladly moisten your foot with my nostrils,

Your Barbarity.

I have something very nice to show you.

Excellent.

So, explain to me, Seor Verdugo...

the intricacies of this

most holy instrument of confession.

Triola, I don't think you should see this,

my daughter.

- It's only another torture machine.

- I want it to be a surprise for you.

- Later, my sweet.

- All right, Daddy.

- So, my new confessional.

- Yes, of course.

But first, Your Severity,

you will notice that the instrument...

is completely surrounded

by this pool of acid...

which will destroy anything thrown into it...

except gold and precious stones.

But flesh and bone and iron...

Observe.

Voil!

And it doesn't dissolve gold, you say?

No. Not, of course.

Of course not, Your Vapidity.

Even if they have swallowed their valuables,

Your Severity...

there would be no need for

those messy searches that we used to have.

Unless we want one.

Of course, Your Outrageousness.

So this is my new confessional?

Yes, it is. It works this way, Your Ferocity.

If you will, please.

The prisoner...

is totally restrained...

by means of this iron banding.

Excellent. Excellent.

But there is more to it than that,

Your Blizzard of the Wrong.

By means of these ratchets

and these screws...

you can place his body

in any position that you want...

for as long as you want

and do anything to it that you want.

You can break every bone in his hand...

one at a time.

- And feet?

- And the feet.

I love it.

- And the back?

- And the back.

- And slowly crush them and break them?

- Oh, yes.

It is very effective,

Your Acute Horrendousness.

People will be even more frightened of me

when they hear I have this.

Oh, yes, definitely, Your Blind Stupidity.

Even you, Seor Verdugo?

Well, of course not me.

I mean, after all, I made it. I designed it.

It's my baby.

Well, let's see if it works.

If it does not work,

I shall dispatch you with heavenly force.

Well, we could all do

with some good food and clean water.

- Mr. Moon, prepare a hunting party.

- Aye, aye, sir.

Why don't you go ahead and forage...

and me and a few of the lads'll stay behind

and guard the boat?

Very good, Mr. Moon.

There's a beach like this, which ought to be

on the other side of the island.

We'll cover more ground if we separate.

We'll have every gun on that ship ready

for them when they return.

Bosun Gilbert.

Aye, aye, Captain Moon.

Bloody murderers.

Unhand me, you heathens.

Percy...

I think I found the tree that

that paralyzing liquid comes from.

Just stab some under the skin and...

You do what?

Stab some...

Oh, that.

They've captured Dan.

Ebenezer, look.

Who?

Shall we send for reinforcements...

or capture them now?

Wait a minute.

What's that?

Good Lord.

How did he get here?

There's our reinforcement.

Seems to have taken a mild dislike

to the priests.

Come on, men. Let's rescue Captain Dan.

Not likely, mate.

And the treasure.

- Right you are, mate.

- Be right with you.

- No, no, I can't. Leave me alone.

- Come on, come on, please.

He'll come back. He'll kill you. You see?

Your Assholiness.

Greetings, Your Vehemence.

Mission accomplished.

By the grace of God and heavenly force...

five heathen souls

have attained eternal serenity.

Only five?

Was there any money?

On the paltry side, Your Barbarity.

So your mission was as so much fart gas.

Oh, no, Your Offensiveness.

The ship that they came on

was after Yellowbeard's treasure.

Yellowbeard?

Oh, no, no. He is not here.

Just the men

who came looking for his treasure.

This is one of their officers,

Your Molestation.

The treasure of Yellowbeard.

Now I am the richest...

You must find out everything he knows.

I have just the thing.

Oh, my head.

And my foot and my back.

Mon Dieu, it works.

You may torture me,

but it will avail you nothing.

We'll see about that, sailor.

Captain Moon, sir, they've captured Dan,

and they're setting a trap for the others.

Excellent.

They're making it easy for us.

Well done, Gilbert.

Is it too cold for you?

No, I'm all right.

You must tell my father

where the treasure is, or you will surely die.

I'll tell him nothing.

But he only wants it

for the grace and glory of God.

What kind of God is it

that kills and tortures men?

My father's only purpose

is to enable heathen souls...

to enter heaven more rapidly

than they would of their own accord.

Please tell him.

It hurts me to see you hurt.

It hurts me to see you be hurt

by me being hurt.

I think I love you.

You're right, you do.

And I love you.

And when I am rescued,

I want you to come with me.

But to come with you

would mean leaving here.

- Are you taking the treasure?

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