Yes Man Page #3

- Maybe.

That sucks.

That happened to me last week.

When you were driving rediculously far

out of your way to drop off a homeless guy

who wore out your phone battery

so you couldn't call 'Triple A'

Uh, no. I take it that's what happened to you.

- No.

Why do you assume that?

He used up your phone?

- Yes

Apparently he was the most

popular homeless man on the planet.

He was staying connected.

It was good to see.

I'm just glad that I could be a part of it

- That must feel good.

Oh, truly. And I'm geting

some excersize, which is cool.

Well, do you need a ride?

- On that thing?

Am I going too fast for you?

- No, In fact I think you should go faster.

That way if we crash at least I'll die..

I don't want to be kept alive artificially.

What are you doing?

I'm taking a picture. Smile.

I can't see. I'm blind.

- Me too. Isn't it great?

Yes, that's getting it good.

Thanks again for the ride.

- No, problem.

Hopefully the color

will return to your face sometime soon.

I'm more of a four wheel kind of guy.

- Really?

I never would have guessed that.

You seem so at ease on two.

Can I have my helmet back now?

I'm still wearing it aren't I?

Thanks.

Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm good.

Unless you want to stick around and make out?

- What?

What did you say?

Hey, I ...

Have a good night.

Nice.

"Yes" always leads to something good.

Hello

Carl, it's your buddy, Norman .

And your boss,

but more your buddy than your boss right?

I guess.

So, we're kind of short on Sat staff.

Is there any way you could come in?

Sure. Nothing I like better than

the inside of a bank on a beautiful Saturday.

Yeah, there really is

something magical about this place.

Would I like to increase the size of my penis?

Right.

Like I need that.

Persian-wife finder

Hi. I am Faranoosh

Would you be the man for me?

I guess so.

Excuse me.

I'd like to apply for a small business loan.

- And what is your business?

I bake cakes in the shape of

different celebrities' faces.

Wow, Mickey Rourke.

- No, it's Bono.

Yeah, right.

Let's hope it doesn't taste like Mickey Rourke.

So what do you think?

I think yes

Accepted.

Interesting. Cakes, huh?

- Yes, I just kind of went with my gut on it, Norm.

You called me Norm.

Could that be like my nickname?

Yeah, I guess.

- Nice. I like your style, Car

That can be yours.

- Carl is pretty short already, but ...

You could say it's the kind of

detail we need around here.

You know what I did?

- What?

That whole Demco thing really chapped my ass.

I marched upstairs and told the big guns

Carl gets promoted in leiu of Demco

or along with Demco, whichever.

or I walk.

- Really? What did thay say?

Well, they were quite attracted to the me

walking option, you know, for a moment.

but then I threw that off the table.

- Good move.

And I said if you started to show

some initiative I could promote you.

And?

- Well you are doing it!

Yeah, the whole cake thing.

- Yeah

You're making up nicknames.

You know what? I called Demco this

morning to ask if he could work on Saturday.

You know what he said?

- No.

How did you know that?

- He's not here.

Oh yeah, but you are Car

And that's why I'm giving the job to you

Norm, that's amazing. My God. Thank you.

- I saw the raise in it for you too.

Bump up your salary to sixty-five.

- Thousand?

Of course, thousand.

Come one let's take this thing up a notch broseph.

See what I did there? I joined "bro" with

"Joseph":
"Broseph". Pretty cool, huh?

Very cool, Norm.

I have been such a dick and a douche.

More of a douche than a dick probably.

I'm sorry. I should have been there.

I mean really.

- You're preaching to the choir, Carl..

I'm telling you man. Things are different.

- So wait, you have to say yes to everything?

Yeah, exactly. It's like you said, I wasn't open

to stuff, and now that I am, things are changing for me.

It's like, the era of yes has begun.

Alright. Look, if it gets you

out of the house I'm all for it.

Excuse me. can we get another round of drinks.

Actually, we're going to start a tab, and our

good friend here, Carl Allen, will be taking care of it.

You're okay with that right buddy?

- Yes, yes I am.

Okay

I should be prepping my piece for Mon,

but I cannot miss this.

Hey, yo, another bump of hot sauce.

Oh boy, you guys are really into this sh*t.

Carl, that was so awesome.

Excuse me, can I ...

- Absolutely.

I do not think that's

what she was asking for, but ...

Alright.

Was I chewing gum before?

What do you think you're doing a**hole?

- Easy, hey. There's a little misunderstanding.

I was just saying yes to life.

You gotta say yes to life.

I made a sacred covenent.

That sounded naughty.

I think you and I need to step outside.

- No. God no, it's ...

Okay. It's okay.

I got this.

But if I win, I get to take that

pretty girl of yours to a ball.

Because she deserves that.

Every prety girl deserves

to go to a ball.

That is so nice.

You punched me right in the face, man.

Come on, I got your back.

- You don't have anybody's back.

I'm sorry man, it's all our fault.

- I haven't gotten in a fight since grade 7.

Hey, are we going to fight or what?

- Yeah, we're going to fight.

We're going to fight alright.

Okay, you want some eh?

Because I'm open for business, okay?

Where did I go?

How do you fight what you can't see?

Did you see 'The Legend of Billy Jack'?

Because i'm going to take this foot and

I'm going to whop you on that side of your face.

And there's not a goddamn

thing you can do about it.

Just don't break my teeth off on the curb okay?

Let's really sell this. Give'em a show.

What?

First we have to establish the ground rules.

And the ground rules are

there are no ground rules.

Idiot.

I am wrong guy.

- Maybe you need to start being the right guy.

That's why you got punched out. Because

you got the wrong attitude right out of the gate.

I'm over here, dickhole.

Oh my God, that's so funny.

- You're a complete...

Are you alright?

I almost blocked it.

I just didn't get there in time.

Look, we've been drinking.

He's really been drinking.

Seriously, I'm glad we had this experience.

I think we both grew from it.

Call me.

- A**hole!

Oh, she's never going to go to a ball.

No, she's not.

Okay, Tillie. There you are.

Hi Carl.

- What can I do for you?

I was wondering if you could

help me put up some shelves?

Oh really?

Okay, that should just about do it.

I'll see you later, Tillie.

- That was wonderful, Carl.

Not so fast.

Oh, what are you doing?

Damn, I forgot to go to the bank.

- Never mind.

I am getting so forgetful.

That happens with age.

- Don't worry about it.

I am going to have to repay you somehow.

Oh, just doing a favor for a neighbor's

good enough for me.

You are so handsome.

How come I never see you with a girl?

Well, I'm not in a

serious thing but I am dating.

Would you like a release?

- I'm sorry?

You know, sexual release?

What do we do here?

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