You Instead Page #4

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So show me the light

Tell me that

Things will turn out right

It cuts like a knife

When you say things...

MORELLO:

Can I have your biggest sausage?

Oh, my God. That's disgusting.

LAKE:
You gonna eat that now?

ADAM:

Let's go watch some bands play.

TYKO:
Come on!

KIRSTY:
Yeah!

[CALVIN HARRIS

SINGING "COLOURS"]

MARK:

Animal!

Animal beginning with E.

Beginning with E.

Emu.

All right.

Drink while you think.

Body pan.

Stan with a U.

Umbilical cord.

Umbilical cord.

MARK:

Animal beginning with E.

Edward.

That's the name of the animal.

[ALL LAUGH]

He happens to be a lemur,

but his name is Edward.

Edward.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

MORELLO:
I love this game.

You win for that.

Right, that's the taxi arriving

with the bolt cutters.

KIRSTY:
Body pan beginning with R.

MARK:
Okay, see you all in a minute.

Hi there.

Have you got a package there?

There you are.

This is yours.

What?

Are you kidding me?

Just delivering a package. Sony.

I've gotta cut my girlfriend off

a rock star, not prune the bloody roses!

F***.

People, get ready

People, unite

Hey, we'll have to try again

in the morning, all right?

ADAM:
What'd you say?

They sent the wrong thing.

DJ:
One thing's for sure, let's have

a f***ing great time right here.

T in the Park! Come on!

People, get ready

People, unite

Yes

People People

People

ADAM:

Yeah!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Guys, I'm so knackered.

That's it. I'm done.

I've been up since 3 this morning.

This is going to be weird.

What, four in a bed?

No, that's fine. I just.

I never had a guy there before.

[CHUCKLES]

[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

TYKO:
I'm serious, they're

classic movies, right?

I got the whole back catalog

remastered on Blu-ray.

No way. Really?

Have you ever seen Dumbo

on mushrooms?

I have not done that.

We should do that.

We should, right? We got a plasma

screen on the tour bus, so...

Nice. How big is that?

How many inches are we talking here?

Does that matter to you?

No.

A little, maybe.

I am not sleeping in a tent.

It's a yurt.

Well, I am,

and I'm sleeping with your boyfriend.

I'm not sleeping with yours.

Adam, it's been five days.

ADAM:

What, you just wanna go for it?

LAKE:
I got some strong sleeping

pills if you guys want any.

MORELLO:

There will be no sex, ever.

ADAM:
Mark, must be a real blow, man.

No monkey sex.

[MORELLO CHUCKLES]

MARK:

What is monkey sex?

We'll call ourselves

The Sidekicks, right?

Let's be The Sidekicks.

TYKO:
It's a beautiful

thing we're gonna do.

KIRSTY:
It's a very beautiful thing.

Yeah.

KIRSTY:
Hey... Yes.

I mean, you're...

You get it, right?

Yeah. I'm gonna come back

in one minute.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

LAKE:
I thought you said we

were staying on a yacht.

I said yurt

ADAM:
Yurt. Yurt. Yurt.

You're gonna love this.

MORELLO:

Oh, yes.

MARK:
Ready?

MORELLO:
Okay.

MARK:
Ta-da!

MORELLO:
A bed!

See? It's not like a tent

It is like a yurt.

I'm getting out of these Wellies

immediately.

It's not as bad as I thought.

MARK:

Oh, no, don't put those there.

Watch the...

MORELLO:
Yes.

Ah!

ADAM:
Whoa.

Hello.

This is... Oh, all right.

MARK:
Let me take your jacket.

God, how do I get this off? Here.

Ow, ow, ow.

ADAM:

Oh, wait. We need to get.

MORELLO:
Okay.

ADAM:
this f***ing...

Move over, sweetie.

Come here, baby.

This is not really

what I had in mind for the evening.

Never mind.

MARK:
I'm falling out of the bed.

MORELLO:
Please move up a bit.

ADAM:
We can't move up.

LAKE:
Adam, move over a bit.

MORELLO:
That better be your hand.

MARK:
It is my hand.

LAKE:

Do you get animals in here?

[FOUND'S "FREAKY FREAKY RAVING"

PLAYING]

Side by side

I'll just imagine

The times we'd be having

There's no room For napping

Or anything

Freaky freaky raving

So you know what monkey-facing is

but you don't know what pirating is?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Whoa.

[CHUCKLES]

Tyko, hey, wait up.

Where are you going, man?

Exploring.

Do not make it a big night.

We have a gig tomorrow, right?

Remember Coachella?

Relax. They liked it.

Tyko, if you did that in Texas,

it would have been illegal, okay?

Okay, whatever.

Tyko, this is Scotland.

Look at what you're wearing.

They will f***ing deep-fly you

out there.

Now, why don't we just

have a couple of drinks,

and go for quick

look around, huh?

TYKO:
Okay, we'll make it a quiet one.

That's my boy.

Who's gonna give me a ride

To the after show

Ah! Number two!

Okay.

Three, two, one.

Three, two, one.

[JENNY SQUEALS]

Hello.

Hi. Yeah, it's me.

Sign me, sign me, sign me!

All right.

You're enthusiastic, aren't you?

What's your name?

Jenny.

Jenny with a Y?

Yes. Oh, my God!

All right. I'm gonna sign

the last pan backwards,

so you can read it in the mirror.

All right!

All right.

There we go.

Thank you.

Hey, I'm the manager.

You want me to sign the other one?

GIRL:

No, no, no. Ugh.

I've got warm hands.

You can't do that.

People don't like it.

Oh, come on.

Let's get another drink, huh?

Yeah. You get them.

I'll stay and suck up the fans.

Who wants their titty signed?

Come on.

I'm ready.

Let's get out of here.

[ADAM MOANS]

[WHISPERING] Adam.

Adam.

[WHISPERING] What?

I need the loo.

You could pee in a bottle

or something.

I could pee on your face.

Okay. Yeah.

Let's not do that.

Okay.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Go on. After you.

Shh. Shh.

[BOTH LAUGH]

ADAM:

Shut up.

MORELLO:
Right. I've gotta just

do myself up at the bottom.

I've got, like, this

really annoying body. It's like.

That I've got to do up underneath

like a baby grow.

Why would I wanna know that?

Pretty weird.

Like a toddler.

All right.

Okay. First of all.

I always forget to wash my hands,

actually.

I don't need that much. Go away.

Get your hands under there now.

Yes.

Put them on there.

Put them on?

Put your hands on there.

No, it's that way. It's that way.

We just came from that way,

definitely.

I'm kind of really awake now.

You snore, by the way.

I what?

Snore.

I snore?

You snore.

You sound like a kind of...

Like a chainsaw on speed.

I do not snore.

Yeah, you do.

[SNORTS]

Like little, like, baby snores.

Almost like you've got something stuck.

You know who snores really bad?

You know who snores really bad?

Who?

I to the A to the K to the E.

What?

Lake.

Really? I snore pretty bad as well.

Go on. Here you are.

[CHUCKLES]

Mark speaks in his "sleep".

He speaks in his "sleep"?

He sleep...

Speaks in his sleep?

Speaks in his sleep.

He kind of:

[MUMBLES GIBBERISH]

He wants to give orders

in the morning. Coffee.

MORELLO:

I've still got that song in my head.

I've got to run away

I've got to

You weren't as sh*t

as I thought you'd be.

ADAM:

Shut up.

BOBBY:
Come on. It was a joke.

You've seen me in the flesh.

BOBBY:
At least finish your drink.

You haven't seen me play.

You've gotta come

tomorrow night for that.

Hey, Bobby.

I'm cool.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

[MODEST MOUSE'S "THE GOOD TIMES

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