You Instead Page #3

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Yeah, all right, all right. Very funny.

We got hitched together

by some crazy dude backstage.

I'd love to return his beautiful cuffs.

If anyone has any bolt cutters.

MORELLO:

Bolt cutters!

Get off me!

ADAM:
All right, all right.

MORELLO:
Please.

BRUCE:
Easy, guys.

They were just leaving.

Show's over.

MORELLO:

Good luck, boys. Good luck.

J.J.:
Oh, my God.

MORELLO:
How long have we got?

J.J.:
Fifteen minutes.

ADAM:
What stage you say you're on?

That way. That way.

KIRSTY:
Run.

TYKO:
This is fun.

J.J.:
Keep him under control.

Keep him under a blanket.

Who's gonna do my solos?

I'll cover you.

ADAM:
Welcome to my side project.

TYKO:
You're in The Vaginae.

Where I've always wanted to be.

Shut up. Hurry up.

So are all their songs

about vagina?

ALL:

And I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more

Just to be the man

Who walks a thousand miles

To fall down at your door

Da, da, da Da, da, da

Da, da, da Da, da, da

LAKE Oh, my God.

Have you seen Twitter? It's crazy.

MARK:

You see?

You were right. You were right, okay?

ADAM:
Whoa. Sony, man.

LAKE:
Look.

Oh, yeah? All right.

Excuse me.

Can I get a photo with you?

Yeah.

ADAM:
You want me to take it?

Guys.

Wait up, wait up.

MORELLO:
Hurry up, hurry up.

KIRSTY:
Come on.

MORELLO:
Can you hurry up?

ADAM:
All right.

KIRSTY:
Guys, can we just go, please?

MORELLO:
Hello!

ADAM:
Nice, Tyko.

Got a cheap one in the background.

Guys, come on. I'm on, like, now.

Hey, Morello. Jay played me one

of your songs. They're really good.

I saw one of your poses.

It was transcendent.

LAKE:

Thanks.

MARK:
Do you have to be that rude?

ADAM:
She's saying you're beautiful.

MORELLO:

Lake, I'm sorry.

[UPBEAT MUSIC

PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

You know what?

I need to go back for five minutes.

Why?

Because I need a restroom.

What? Go on the way.

I said a restroom, not a portaloo.

Don't be such a baby, man.

KIRSTY:
Listen, Tintin, focus, okay?

We don't even want you

on our stage.

But we have to play well

or we're not getting invited back.

So if you could lower yourself

to the level of the public,

that would be great.

All right. I can do that.

Let's go. Come on.

LAKE:
Really?

MARK:
Sophie, it's me. How you doing?

TYKO:
I cannot control him.

KIRSTY:
Watch and learn, Tyko.

MARK:

Yeah, don't worry about the price.

ADAM:
God. Here we go.

MORELLO:
They're really not that bad.

MARK:
Okay, keep me posted.

ADAM:
Oh, I think they are.

All right.

Oh, this is nice.

LAKE:

Ugh. Get off.

ADAM:

Sure you don't wanna come in?

SINGER:

Look after each other, you hear me?

Have you started yet?

I'm going as fast as I can.

Keep your f***ing panties on.

Ow! Ow!

You... F***.

Aw, did you piss on yourself?

What the f*** are you doing, man?

Ready? Yeah? Wicked.

Can we go to this gig now, please?

[THE DIRTY PINKS PERFORMING

"GIVE IT A GO"]

After trial and error

From the first half fever

Till the cold goodbye

I've broken a few hearts

They ripped mine

Then I say never, never, never again

Only one night stands for me

Then another one comes along

I give in so easily

And I say no, no, no

Gonna give it a go, go, go

I want to know, know, know

How good it feels

To lie in someone's arms

And hear them say baby

[CROWD CHEERING]

Thank you!

Thank you very much.

So you might have noticed

a little change to our usual lineup.

Morello's developed a nasty growth

on her right hand.

FAN:
Adam and Morello, you sexy beast!

KIRSTY:
Yeah.

Ready, ladies?

J.J.:

One, two, three, four!

Come on!

Ahh

Hello? Bobby, yeah.

Have you got the key?

TYKO:
Okay, Bobby, see you later.

BOBBY:
Okay, let's get it over here.

Shame on you for trying

To take me down a peg or two

Ohh

Taken the blame for a fairytale

Of forbidden fruit

Ooh

Describe me a position

But I don't wanna play

Realize I should be pretty

And have nothing to say

I will not stay put and obey

He?!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Get off!

Dirty Pink covers all manner of sins

The jilted brides that blush on cue

That's just something

A girl like me wouldn't do

I will not wait for you

ADAM:

Sometimes I feel I've got to

Run away

I've got to get away

From the pain you drive

Into the heart of me

The love we share

Seems to go nowhere

And I've lost my light For I toss

and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you Come on

Now I run from you

BOTH:
This tainted love you've given you

I give you all a boy could give you

Take my tears

And that's not nearly all

Tainted love Ohh

Tainted love

Sometimes I feel I've got to

Dirty Pink covers all manner of sins

Get away I've got to

Hey

Sugar and filth

Isn't all that I have been

The pain you drive

Into the heart of me

The jilted brides that blush on cue

Seems to go nowhere

And I've lost my light

I will not wait for you

Can't sleep at night

BOTH:

Once I ran to you

Now I run from you Ahh

This tainted love you've given

I give you all a boy could give you

Take my tears

And that's not nearly all

[ALL CHEERING]

KIRSTY:

I can't believe you did that.

Hey, baby. You all right?

Sweetheart, that was incredible.

It was great.

TYKO:

Hey, Adam.

MARK:
Guys, I've just had good news.

TYKO:
Delivery from Bobby.

I have got what are now the world's

most expensive bolt cutters

being taxied in from Edinburgh.

They'll be here in a couple of hours.

Oh, thank the Lord.

MORELLO:
Oh, baby!

And that's why he's my man.

Yes, it is.

[ALL TOASTING IN IRISH]

All right.

[GROANS THEN COUGHS]

ADAM:
What the f*** was that?

Beer and gin.

Why?

I like it.

That's disgusting.

There's the crazy guy.

The guy.

TYKO:
What guy?

KIRSTY:
The handcuff guy.

MORELLO:
Where, where, where?

KIRSTY:

He's there by that food stall.

Hey! Ha-ha-ha.

MAN:

Do that sh*t!

Let's go, let's go!

LAKE:
Where?

I don't know. Wait.

MORELLO:
Why are you being so slow?

ADAM:
Okay, okay.

MARK:
Guys.

Where?

He's gone off somewhere. Sh*t.

MORELLO:

You religious pervert!

You class nutter!

Where'd he go?

MORELLO:
Where's he gone?

ADAM:
I don't know. I can't see him.

MORELLO:
Cross man!

MARK:
We'll never find him.

There's 100,000 people here.

Listen, it's okay. The taxi's coming

in a couple of hours. Let's chill.

There could be a worse way

to spend a night, right?

Exactly. Let's have a good time.

Let's just go and get a drink.

Let's have some fun, right?

MARK:

See, it's not bad, is it?

It's all right.

MARK:
Who wants another one?

I start to come undone

Come on.

Ow!

Sometimes I feel that

It's all too much to take

I look in the mirror

But don't recognize...

Hey.

I know you.

No.

You're Adam.

Sony.

WOMAN:
I know you.

It cuts like a knife

What should we do now?

Things will turn out right

So show me the light

And tell me that

Things will turn out right

Remember the night

How we would hold

each other tight

So show me the light

Shall we go on that?

Soon it will be snowing

The sky at night is dark

The stars they all start glowing

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