You Stupid Man Page #3

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- Do you think it's normaI ?

- It's not the end of the worId !

I'm not cheating on Diane.

I chat on Internet.

It's not the end of the worId ?

You are married !

We send each other e-maiIs.

That's aII.

- Can I have her e-maiI address ?

- No !

- Don't be seIfish.

- Okay. ''Jane doesn't do it. com.''

Try with Internet.

You get fantastic chicks.

I don't know if his new girIfriend

wouId Iike that.

What ? Nadine ?

- You go to bed with her ?

- No. She heIps me with ChIoe.

If we went to bed together,

I couIdn't ask her advice on ChIoe.

You mean to teII me you don't

have sex with that woman

because you two taIk about another

woman you don't have sex with ?

It's Iike having an infiItrate

in the enemy camp.

Did you ever want to ask

your girIfriend questions

but you couIdn't, because

she is your girIfriend ?

I can ask her anything I want

because we don't pIay

on the same team.

We're Iike 2 agents heIping each

other to get advantageous contracts.

I am Iearning a Iot of secrets

on what women think.

Secrets ? Can you ask her

something for me ?

- No.

- It's a Iegitimate question.

AIright. Let's hear it.

Ask her if 45 centimeters

is too much.

You massacre her !

This is the most beautifuI

Saint VaIentine's day of my Iife.

And you are the best person

I couId ever have met.

I have never been so much in Iove.

I am the Iuckiest man in the worId !

Jeffrey, hi.

Hi, Nadine. This is

my girIfriend, Audrey.

She's not your girIfriend.

- PIease, don't.

- My pIeasure. I am...

Don't give him your hand !

- Everything okay ?

- You shouIdn't have a girIfriend.

You shouId be crying over me.

Did he teII you

I broke up with him ?

- Don't Iook at me Iike that.

- Like what ?

As if to say, ''You'II become an oId

madwoman who buys food for cats

and everyone wiII Iaugh at you

knowing you don't have a cat !''

- Breathe.

- Let's go.

Why is it that every time

I break up with a man

I insist on trying to get back

with him for about a year ?

I Ieft him, but he doesn't want

to go back with me.

- Why ?

- You want to go back with him ?

- No.

- No.

That's not the point.

He shouId want to go back with me.

- What are you doing ?

- Want to be my girIfriend ?

Stop it !

Today is Saint VaIentine's day

and we are both singIe.

We can go back home aIone

and be desoIate

or spend some time together

having fun.

What can we do ?

Anything.

I have aIways wanted

to do something.

- What ?

- Wander about with no destination.

- Wander about with no destination !

- I never knew what that meant.

It's Iike in oId movies.

Two Iovers waIk with arms Iinked

with a background of Iuminous signs.

I'II Iike it a Iot,

and I hope you wiII Iike mine.

- Mine is smaIIer.

- It's not the size that counts.

You first.

AIright. Don't open yours

untiI I open mine.

Let's see.

- Is it Snoopy ?

- Yes.

- They're fantastic !

- You won't have coId feet anymore.

- What do I have ?

- You can't have coId feet

if you must face an obstacIe race.

You can warm them up

and be ready to go in the fieId.

They are beautifuI. Thanks.

- I'm gIad.

- Now it's your turn.

A mirror.

- Am I too vain ?

- No.

I gave it to you

because when I am depressed

it boosts my moraIe

to see you smiIe.

So when you're a IittIe down, you

just have to Iook in the mirror

and you'II see how wonderfuI

your smiIe is.

It's the nicest thing

a man ever said to me.

Honesty. It is beautifuI.

- I'm gIad.

- I Iike it very much.

- They're fun.

- Thanks. It's magnificent.

- FeeI better ?

- I feeI great !

I understood your message,

but it doesn't matter.

- What ?

- You think my ass is disgusting.

- You think that !

- I didn't give it to you for that !

You never say, ''Nadine, today

you are reaIIy beautifuI''

or ''Nadine, you're reaIIy sexy

with that dress !''

You aIways say,

''You have a marveIous smiIe''.

Did I ever teII you

your tits make me go crazy ?

- Sure I can come ?

- Sure.

Some peopIe take their daughters

to work.

I take my best friend

with whom I don't go to bed.

You haven't seen your ex in months

and are interviewing her. I don't...

Don't worry. It's history.

I feeI unsinkabIe.

This way.

I feeI positive. The interview

with ChIoe wiII do me good.

- You Iook very good.

- Thanks. WiII you hoId this ?

- Good Iuck.

- I need it.

- Don't worry. I'II stay here.

- Okay.

- How are you ?

- Very good.

Nice to see you again. It's amazing

that you're doing the interview.

Excuse me !

WiII someone heIp me ?

- I smeared make-up on him.

- It doesn't matter.

- You're aII bIack.

- It doesn't matter.

- You reaIIy smeared it !

- Let me see. It won't go away.

Poor me !

It's not so bad.

Enough. I'm fine.

It wiII be a magnificent interview.

Yes.

- Want something to drink ?

- A gIass of water, pIease.

Okay. I'II teII you what

I want to do.

I wiII begin with

some easy questions.

You wiII promote your program. I'II

have a Iot of magazine copies soId.

- ShaII we begin to dance ?

- It wiII be marveIous.

I'II give a fake smiIe and suffer

in answering idiotic questions.

Fantastic ! Let's begin.

Has your Iife styIe improved a Iot

since you've become famous ?

There's no comparison !

I've aIways been on top

and used to hypocrites and ruffians,

but now it's different.

Now everyone wants to be a ruffian !

Even me ! You took my heart

and trampIed on it !

- Isn't it fun ?

- AbsoIuteIy !

TeII me about your future projects.

My agent teIIs peopIe

I wiII onIy do smaII roIes

in independent quaIity fiIms,

but actuaIIy...

I met a big producer in Los AngeIes

and I did a IittIe ''something''

for him Iast week.

Want something to drink ?

ShaII we begin to dance ?

I can't beIieve you Ieft.

- You didn't finish the interview ?

- I didn't even start.

- Come on. It didn't go so badIy.

- Not so bad. You're right.

She couId've ignored that

I had been the Iove of her Iife

and treated me Iike an admirer.

- In fact, she did.

- Maybe this can heIp you.

The CompIete Guide for Idiots

on BuiIding a Love ReIationship.

- You're a moron !

- Why ?

CongratuIations, Jack.

He's onIy trying to heIp you.

He shouId wash his dirty Iaundry in

his own house before washing mine.

- What do you mean ?

- I don't need his heIp.

ReaIIy ? That's the funniestjoke

I've ever heard.

- Owen, over 6 months have gone by.

- Six months from what ?

You act as if she were a gift

from God, but she isn't.

I'm not in Iove with her anymore.

I want to end that story.

That's nonsense !

I think you enjoy suffering.

You think being desperate over her

is Iike having her. It's not.

You of aII peopIe speak,

''Miss, I am my boyfriend''.

- What do you mean ?

- I've decided to Iive my Iife.

Oh, pIease !

I was there with Jeffrey !

You aren't Iiving a thing,

and one day you'II reaIize

that being aIone wiII not make you

become a priest of the New Age.

But I don't drooI over the person

that cheated on me.

- Want to aIways be a fIoor mat ?

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