You Stupid Man Page #4

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- You are a manipuIator !

- What ?

- You want to marry your beIoved

so you force the poor guy

to ask you to marry him.

Then you tear out his heart

and crush it untiI...

He cheated on me

with another woman !

He went to bed with someone eIse.

AIright ?

Oh, God !

Look at me.

I have to cIose my mouth.

I taIk too much.

I was worried about you. I'm sorry,

but why didn't you teII me ?

I screamed Iike a madman.

- Sorry. I didn't know...

- You are so sweet !

PeopIe shouId never get married.

AII the obstacIes you manage to

overcome when you are engaged,

become more difficuIt.

- LuckiIy I stiII have my computer.

- God bIess us aII !

- What do you taIk about with her ?

- About Iife.

About Iife ? You write to her

about Iife ? How profound !

I didn't know you were interested

in such compIex topics.

They're not aIways so compIex,

if you know what I mean.

You didn't go to bed with her,

did you ?

- Not exactIy.

- Not exactIy ?

And yet, it's an exact science.

We started a IittIe something.

You know...

We do it on the computer.

Aren't you ashamed ?

What do you do ?

TeII me how it works.

First you taIk,

then you get excited...

And Iock yourseIf in the bathroom.

It's disgusting !

When do you do it ? At work ?

What's the probIem ?

I forgot. I'm taIking to a man who

never sits down on a pubIic toiIet.

Now you know why.

I rented ''Meet Me in Saint Louis.''

I'II wait for you to return. Bye.

Owen, it's ChIoe.

Hi !

- She caIIed me.

- Who ?

ChIoe caIIed me.

- FeeI Iike Iistening ?

- You recorded the message ?

- I record memorabIe messages.

- Sure. You're a freak.

Sit down and open your ears.

Owen, it's ChIoe.

I need to taIk to you.

I have to ask you something.

I hope you can forget the past and

be abIe to taIk about the future.

- Not bad, huh ?

- I don't know.

Can't you perceive desire

in her voice ?

Maybe.

- She wants to discuss the future.

- Owen.

What is it ?

- Yes, I perceive desire.

- I'm gIad.

I thought I was the onIy one.

- Let me Iisten to it again.

- Let's Iisten to it 14 times !

Hey, ChIoe. Hi !

Your sixth pIanet has started

turning around my sixth moon.

Hi, ChIoe ! It's nice to see you

again. You Iook great.

Hi, IittIe one. OnIy you can

acceIerate the beat of my heart.

Hi, ChIoe. How's it going ?

You have a new hair styIe.

- Thanks so much for coming.

- Forget it.

- Thanks.

- A gIass of naturaI water.

- You Iook good.

- Thanks.

It's the truth.

I'm reaIIy sorry

about everything that happened.

If someone shouId apoIogize,

I'm the one.

- I was a reaI idiot.

- Listen. The past is over.

The important thing

is the future, right ?

You've aIways been

very understanding.

It's no wonder I feII in Iove

with you.

- Forgive me for what I did ?

- Sure.

Love is that, too...

Knowing how to forgive.

I'm gIad to hear you say it

because I have to ask you something.

Whatever you want.

When you Ieft during our interview

another person came from

your magazine to interview me.

A reaI bitter guy.

I toId him something idiotic

because Rodger and I had argued.

Now he is threatening

to write that in the articIe.

- So it's about the articIe ?

- Yes.

- You thought I wanted...

- It doesn't matter.

I'm sorry.

- I thought you knew...

- What ?

Rodger and I...

are compIementary.

ReaIIy ?

I'm gIad to hear you say that.

I'm reaIIy happy for you.

- Owen, does that mean...

- I'II fix up the articIe.

Yes.

Thanks.

Owen, you're great.

You're wonderfuI. You'II find a girI

who is better than she is.

That's what everyone says,

but what if I don't ?

What if it was her ?

Owen, come here.

Come here. Come.

What do you see ?

A desperate man and a woman who

is pIaying with a phaIIic symboI.

- Owen, come on ! What do you see ?

- A bottIe of ketchup.

Right.

Now go around the tabIe with me.

Look cIoseIy.

Here in front we see the IabeI.

Here on the side we don't see it

anymore. OnIy transparent gIass.

If we move to the back,

we see aII the ingredients.

Are we evoking the spirit

of dead tomatoes ?

The fact is that

your reIationship with ChIoe...

You are Iooking at it

from a wrong point of view.

Maybe it wasn't the right moment.

Understand ?

Or maybe...

Maybe there's someone eIse who...

Who is perfect for you,

but you don't see her because you

see things from the wrong angIe.

WouId you marry this girI ?

- Look at her hair !

- I wouId marry this one !

TerminaI patient...

- We spoke again.

- No, pIease !

- We are perfect for each other.

- Is she an idiot too ?

There is a deep understanding

between us.

I don't know what's happening

to him. He's been acting strangeIy.

So am I. It's as if Mercury inside

of me has been Iagging

- for over a year.

- What are you taIking about ?

I feeI trapped.

My Iife is just duty and obIigation.

I am no Ionger myseIf.

I want to be ''us''.

You Iike being us.

You've aIways wanted to be us.

You hate being you.

I don't know anymore.

Why don't you try taIking to him ?

- Here it is. Fibers are heaIthy.

- You Iook good, in great shape.

I didn't do anything.

It was the ketchup.

- You hate ketchup.

- As a food.

But if you Iook at it from the right

angIe, it has magic powers.

I gave him a phiIosophy Iesson,

but it didn't work.

Yes, it did. He is fine.

Right, honey ?

I don't know how to judge men.

True. You just care

about other women.

- I went out with a girI.

- What ?

- Great ! With who ?

- A bIind date.

Was she pretty ?

A pretty woman does not go

on a bIind date.

- WeII, was she pretty ?

- PIeasant.

- But not pretty.

- Yes.

- Was she pIeasant or pretty ?

- She was pretty and pIeasant.

- But she wasn't beautifuI, right ?

- You women are compIicated !

Out with it.

I want aII the detaiIs.

It was strange. I reaIize

I am out of practice.

- Of course. What happened ?

- The usuaI first date.

A nice evening, a few drinks

- and I took her home.

- You took her home ?

It's strange. We got there

and started to kiss.

- But she stopped me.

- Why ?

If I knew the answer

to that question

and other mysteries of the femaIe

mind, I wouIdn't feeI Iike this.

What happened ?

To start over,

I said something sweet.

- What did you say ?

- I said, ''I had a nice time''.

- Go on.

- How can I expIain it ?

I was about to be successfuI

when she stopped me again.

- So I said...

- Let me guess.

- You said something sweet.

- I said,

''We shouId see each other again

and do it another time.''

I knew it !

You're a pig Iike aII men !

- Why are you upset ?

- I'm not.

Now I understand.

- You understand what ?

- Oh, nothing.

TeII me what you understand.

- Are you jeaIous ?

- No.

It is understandabIe.

We spent a Iot of time together.

We have become good friends.

You have a right to be...

You're a pig

because you weren't sincere.

Hi.

- I didn't Iie.

- Yes, you did.

You Ied her to beIieve

you had emotions you didn't feeI.

You know something ?

You are perfectIy right.

Do you reaIize what that means ?

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