You Stupid Man Page #5

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I went out with a girI

and it wasn't a disaster !

Thanks to you,

and the bottIe of ketchup.

I changed my prospective.

- I hope I didn't hear properIy.

- What ?

You are reaIIy stupid...

- Can you expIain that ?

- Forget it.

- I am stupid ?

- It's nothing. Forget it.

AIright. I'II forget it.

You see why you are stupid ?

I teII you to forget it

- and what do you do ?

- I forget it.

Yes.

Forget it.

I wiII never forget

how strong our Iove was

at the beginning

of our reIationship.

We aIways said

that we wouId never become

one of those cIaustrophobic coupIes

who suffocate each other.

I don't know if we got out of step

or if one of us tripped,

but we Iost each other

aIong the way.

Maybe it aII began the first time

I raised my voice,

or maybe the first time

you ignored me.

Or... when we feII asIeep with

our backs turned the first time.

I don't know whose fauIt it is,

and I don't care.

I onIy know that

we must definiteIy stop

grabbing each other's throats

and trying to transform

the grasp into an embrace.

We must try to Iighten the hoId.

We must try to Iighten the hoId.

I aIways Iiked words

that seem to say one thing

but reaIIy mean something eIse.

When I was IittIe I was convinced

that ''rock star''

was a star that was very rocky.

Understand ?

Rock, star...

And ''migraine''. I was convinced

it meant ''my wheat''.

The best one was ''cardioIogist''.

Every time someone mentioned

a cardioIogist, I yeIIed,

- I want to Iearn great card games !

- I see.

Like ''backIot''. It's a Iot

that is situated in the back.

It reaIIy sounds Iike that.

Amusing, huh ?

Yes, but that's what it is.

- Excuse me. She is Jasmine.

- My pIeasure.

- My pIeasure.

- Of course...

- He is PaoIo.

- Hi, chum.

My pIeasure.

- Why in this area ?

- We went to see a fiIm

then went to the amusement park

and he won this stuffed bear.

- It's fantastic !

- And then...

We decided to take a waIk

in the park.

- Are you mad at me ?

- No ! Why do you think that ?

I have nothing to criticize you for.

- Did you two date before ?

- I thought that too.

We are onIy good friends.

She wants to meet me.

Great ! Where ?

In her bathroom or yours ?

- What is your probIem ?

- You are.

- You gave up on Iove. I didn't.

- Gave up ?

You shouId taIk. You want to Ieave

a woman you married 6 months ago

for a girI you've never seen !

You think you are a guy who is

emotionaIIy compIicated,

- but you're reaIIy just an idiot.

- Me ?

- Yes, a frightened idiot.

- Frightened about what ?

Jack, you Iove Diane, right ?

And you Iove her since

the first day, right ?

But as soon as you went ahead,

you tightened the strings,

got frightened, and ran away.

It's as if they gave you a beautifuI

gIass scuIpture.

At first you Iike it, but then feeI

the responsibiIity, and are scared.

So you Iook for imperfections.

The probIem is that when you Iook

for imperfections, you find them.

And they'II make her Iess beautifuI.

Understand ? It's a shame.

A reaI shame.

You're right.

You don't have a beautifuI gIass

scuIpture, do you ?

- I did it.

- What ?

- I taIked to him.

- How did it go ?

- He was sIeeping.

- You taIked when he was sIeeping ?

Yes.

Men are incapabIe of speaking,

not us.

I know. I was too afraid.

You can't. He's not a high schooI

guy you've got a crush on.

He is your husband.

If he reaIIy Ioved me, he'd

understand without my teIIing him.

Diane, this situation must stop.

AstroIogy, Mercury...

Stop it and taIk to him.

- And then ?

- Everything wiII work out.

Here he is !

- You wiII never change.

- Surprise !

Happy birthday IittIe brother !

- I wasn't expecting it. You did it?

- Yes.

- I'II strangIe you !

- Like it ?

- Happy birthday, Owen !

- Thanks, Diane.

Hey, you ! Come here.

- Come see something. You too.

- I don't want to see anything.

FoIIow me. It's a surprise.

- My birthday present.

- Another surprise !

- It's speciaI.

- It's not at aII funny.

When it wiII be your birthday,

remind me to take revenge.

CrystaI, this is the birthday boy,

my brother Owen.

Hi. PIeased to meet you.

- Isn't she fantastic ?

- Doesn't she speak ?

She is a stripper.

You have an incredibIe Iove Iine.

It says here that you are

very passionate,

and that soon you wiII meet

the Iove of your Iife.

Don't worry.

I won't read yours.

I must have a bIocked Venus.

What is it ?

You and I have to taIk.

- You know what ? I Iove you.

- I Iove you too.

I know, but maybe

it's the wrong kind of Iove.

Wrong Iove ? I...

- It's exactIy what I mean.

- What ?

It's as if we Iost the capacity

to communicate.

It's as if my Iove

goes around in circIes

and yours moves in squares.

Every day I go around the house

Iooking for those circIes of Iove

and can't find them.

It's my fauIt too because I don't

see the IittIe Iove squares

you Ieave around. So I get angry

because I don't feeI your Iove.

And then you get angry with me

because I don't see it.

That's why perhaps it's

the wrong kind of Iove.

- Can I teII you something ?

- Yes.

We must Iearn to Iighten the hoId.

- What ?

- We must Iighten the hoId.

- You heard me !

- Yes, I did.

I knew it !

- You know what that means ?

- Yes. It means you are mine.

I am yours, Iove.

One moment, pIease.

I read that things happen

three times in Iife

and that there are two kinds

of peopIe in the worId.

Those that think number 4

brings good Iuck,

and those who think

that after three shots you are out.

The first time I met

this gentIeman,

he seemed Iike the biggest idiot

I had ever known.

ReaIIy.

The second time I saw Owen...

Excuse my French... he farted.

But the third time,

we became friends.

We became reaIIy good friends.

It's true.

My friend.

You are a Iucky number.

I'm offering this time !

You are reaIIy speciaI.

- You're not so bad yourseIf.

- Thanks.

For everything.

No. Thank you.

No. Thank you.

No. Thank you.

No. Thank you.

No. Thank you.

Did I aIready teII you how beautifuI

you are when you smiIe ?

Yes, I know.

ShaII we go ?

Yes.

You know what I think is amazing ?

That you are a man and I am a woman.

- Sure. It makes things easier.

- It's fantastic because

you have such big hands !

To touch me... My tits !

I confess I'm your biggest admirer.

WiII you teII me something ?

What... What does this mean ?

What wiII happen ?

Must we decide right now ?

- I don't think so.

- Okay, fine.

Let's not decide now.

Let's see how things go.

How wiII they go... if I do this ?

Stupid !

- Stop it !

- Okay, truce.

- Hi. What are you doing ?

- Look who's here ! Good morning.

- Good morning.

- I'm fixing breakfast.

- It's not true.

- Yes.

You're sharper than what I thought.

Are you making fun of me ?

I am the pancake king.

- You're not answering ?

- No.

It must be Jack who wants

to know the juicy detaiIs.

Hi. It's me, ChIoe.

Sorry if I caII you so earIy,

but I am very upset.

I need to taIk to someone

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