You Were Never Lovelier Page #3

the great love letters of Napoleon.

Just put them down and get out.

Sorry!

Right on time, 5:00.

You know, Louise, I'm beginning

to wonder what he's like.

She's in love at last.

I'm going to wear Tony's ring

where everybody can see it.

Now we can be secretly engaged

and tell everybody.

- No orchids for almost a week.

- Sunk again.

I guess we'd better

put our rings back.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Papa.

When did you get back in town?

Just now. How's everything at home?

Oh, we're all right,

but Maria's in the dumps.

Maria, in the dumps? Why?

She hasn't received orchids all week.

No orchids all week?

How stupid of me!

I mean, tell her, of course, that

no one's been making a fool of her.

No, don't tell her anything.

Well, how does she know

the orchid sender didn't get sick?

Well, say hello to your mother.

See you soon. Goodbye.

Dearly beloved...

...although I have been

desperately ill...

...in my delirium, they...

In my delirium,

they told me I asked only for you.

Have you got my number? 3790.

This time, he's shaving.

No, don't bring

a lottery ticket in here.

I can escape to the lobby

for a moment.

- I'll see you there. Right now.

- Did you give him my message?

Yes, and he said to have you arrested

for trespassing if you came in again.

Mr. Davis, give up.

He'll never see you.

Fernando. Send a bellboy

in here immediately.

Mr. Acuna?

There's money

and a note on my desk.

Take them,

buy two magnificent orchids...

...attach the note, then take the

flowers to my home. Is that clear?

Yes, sir. But first, could I see...?

Hurry it up! This is an emergency.

And bring back the change.

Yes, sir.

I'll be back.

"Dearly beloved, dearly beloved...

...dearly beloved, dearly beloved."

- I wouldn't take it so hard.

- I'm not taking anything hard.

Beware of note writers who haven't

the courage to court you face to face.

Even my clock's slow.

No, it isn't. Look, dear. Look.

"For Miss Maria Acuna."

Thank you, sir.

Thank you with all my heart and soul.

You're an angel.

Hoist the anchor, Cecy,

we're in again.

You know, I think

I've seen him before.

Louise, would you be a darling and

pick up the pieces of notes I tore up?

Yes, yes.

"Dearly beloved..."

Jumping blue blazes!

Jumping blue blazes!

Can't you even order a teapot

for that hotel without calling me?

Why do I put up with it?

All right, all right.

Maybe I can fly up next week.

In the meanwhile, start looking

for another profession.

One that won't require the use of that

addled fraction of a brain of yours.

Mr. Acuna, here's your change.

Two pesos, 50 centavos.

- What are you doing here?

- I delivered the orchids for you...

...now you're going...

- You delivered the orchids?

I'm not gonna try to figure out how

you substituted yourself for a bellboy.

Mr. Acuna, I've been trying for days

to dance for you.

You're the only man who's ever

refused to see my work, and I resent it.

Get out of my office!

Now, look, this is a matter of pride

with me. I don't like to dance, see?

I came down here to get away from it.

Shall I have you thrown out?

You can't talk that way to me.

Honest, I'm an important guy.

Now, you're gonna see me dance

and like it.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Oh, yes, you are. Take it, boys.

One, two.

- Well?

- Excellent. Beautiful.

But I don't want it.

Mr. Davis...

...you do something to me that results

in the most fascinating dislike ever.

- May I make an observation?

- You may make your exit!

Mr. Acuna, your overwhelming

graciousness bewilders me.

However, I bear no grudges.

When you change your mind, call me.

Out of my sight!

Thank you again for your welcome.

You let that jumping jack in my office.

You'll pay for this with every drop

of your anaemic blood.

You nincompoop! You worm!

You're fired! Now get out and never

come back, you diddling dimwit.

"Diddling dimwit"?

Welcome home, Papa.

I could have sworn

I heard you swearing.

Why, I thought you were...

Aren't you looking extraordinarily

happy about something?

- I am happy.

- Couldn't be orchids, could it?

And I'll let you in on a secret.

I know who's been

sending me the flowers.

You do? Now, look, darling,

everything can be explained.

- What do you mean?

- Tell me what you're talking about.

The orchids, the notes.

- I know who sent them.

- You do?

- Well, you don't seem brokenhearted.

- Well, why should I be?

- I'm glad you're taking it this way...

- Tell me what you're talking about.

- Tell me who you're talking about.

- Oh, Mr. Acuna?

When you change your mind,

I'll be up in Room 920.

Oh, Papa, that's who

I'm talking about. He's the one.

- He's what?

- The one who's in love with me.

- He is not!

- Oh, yes, yes.

I saw him bring

the orchids this afternoon.

Oh, I remember.

He sang at the wedding.

I tell you, he's not the one

who's been sending you the flowers!

If he is, he's a pest!

He's not only a pest, he's a dancer!

- How wonderful. I love...

- He's not for you! He's out of work!

Then you give him work,

for me.

Don't tell me you could do anything so

ghastly as to get mixed up with him.

And to think I was cool to him

at the wedding.

I forbid you

to fall in love with this man!

And besides, it's too late.

He's going somewhere.

New York, I hope.

Well, maybe I can change his mind.

You should read what he wrote to me.

No. No, on second thought,

I don't think your heart could stand it.

- Anybody can write a love letter.

- I'd like to see you try it.

Anyway, he's not leaving

South America...

...if I can help it.

And I think I can.

- What was his room number?

- My mind's a blank. I've forgotten.

I haven't.

920, please.

You ask him to the house tonight.

What's gotten into you, Maria?

Nice girls don't act this way.

- Nice girls don't feel the way I do.

- Why, you're brazen.

How could I be...

...with a heart like an ice cube?

- I didn't say that.

That gleam in your eye has nothing

to do with ice cubes. It's predatory.

Maybe you're right.

- 920, please.

- All right.

When I've signed those papers,

I'll ask him.

You're a very sweet papa.

Oh, and I'll have to hurry.

I've only got three hours to dress.

Bye, sweets.

- Why did you have to tell him off?

- Don't worry, he'll come around.

Oh, you don't know him.

You know, Acuna is the most

opinionated man in South America.

I'll show you.

See that nose?

That nose shows opinionation.

His ears indicate mulishness.

His forehead slopes like a tin roof.

- No intellect whatsoever.

- What about his chin?

Oh, his chin clearly indicates

weakness of character.

Handlebar moustache,

no sense of humour.

His droopy eyelids

indicate he's a dope.

Very flattering, Cugat.

- Oh, Mr. Acuna.

- The Sky Room is going to miss you.

In the meanwhile,

I will speak to Mr. Davis alone.

Sure, sure.

Will you excuse me, please?

Mr. Davis, I find myself

in an embarrassing position.

Think nothing of it, sir.

We all make mistakes.

- When do I start dancing?

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