Young Frankenstein Page #12

as A SPOTLIGHT hits the darkness next to him.

And there -- IN TOP HAT AND TAILS -- stands the Monster.

he is heavily made up.

FREDDY:

(playing the piano

and singing)

If you're blue and you

don't know where to

go to, why don't you...

The Monster accompanies the music with short, simple

"Soft Shoe" steps.

FREDDY:

...go where fashion

sits.........................

Cont.

79

109 Cont.

MONSTER:

Poo -- tmmm anngh ma Ritz!

FREDDY:

Diff'rent types who wear

a day coat, pants

with stripes and cutaway

coat, perfect

fits.........................

MONSTER:

Poo -- tmmm anngh ma Ritz!

FREDDY:

Dressed up like a

million dollar

trouper

Trying hard to

look like Gary

Cooper.

MONSTER:

Soo -- pah doo -- per.

The Audience's faces are absolutely blank. Inga and

Igor are thrilled.

FREDDY:

Come let's mix where Rock-

e -- fellers walk

with sticks or 'um-ber-

el-las' in their

mitts.........................

MONSTER:

Poo -- tmmm anngh ma Ritz!

The Monster gets a tomato right in the face. He stops cold.

FREDDY:

Dressed up like a

million dollar

trouper

Trying hard to

look like Gary

Coo -- per.

An EMBARRASSING PAUSE.

FREDDY:

(to the Monster)

That's your cue. Go on!

Cont.

80

109 Cont.1

MONSTER:

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm.

FREDDY:

(trying to cover)

...Su-per du-per.

Come let's mix where Rock-

e-fellers walk

with sticks or 'um-ber-

el-las' in their

mitts.........................

The Monster knows it's his cue: he just looks at Freddy.

MONSTER:

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm!

FREDDY:

For God's sake -- go on! Are you

trying to make me look like a fool.

Sing, you amateur! Sing!!

The Monster gets a raw egg in his face.

AUDIENCE:

Booooo!

Get him off!

Fake!

What else can your toy do?

FREDDY:

Fake?? You stupid idiots...you call

my creation a fake??? What do you

know about truth? You're the fakes!

All of you! I wouldn't come to you

with a hang-nail.

The monster gets another tomato in his face.

MONSTER:

MMMMMMMMMM!

MMMMMMMMMMMM!

FREDDY:

(running to him)

Wait! Stop! Don't give them the

satisfaction. I know it's tough,

but look at how far we've come!

Are you going to throw it all

away now??

The Monster thinks, as the tomato drips down his face.

He is touched by Freddy's reasoning, but still burning

with resentment.

Cont.

81

109 Cont.2

MONSTER:

MMMmmmmmm.

FREDDY:

Don't you think I know that? But

what are you judging by? Bucharest???

This was always a hick town. They

can't get a 'Bus and Truck' company

to come in here. Are you going to

let these idiots get the best of you?

...Or are you going to stand up like

a man and show them that you've got

more dignity in your little finger

than they've got in all their beer-

bloated bodies put together?

The Monster considers this plea for a moment. Then gives

Freddy a colossal W H A C K and jumps into the Audience.

110THE AUDIENCE110

screams and scatters for the exits.

PANDEMONIUM.

FREDDY:

(as he picks himself up

off the stage floor)

I chose the wrong song.

CUT TO:

111EXT. STREET - NIGHT111

PEOPLE run in all directions.

The monster comes bursting down the street, with his arms

flailing.

DISSOLVE TO:

112INT. CASTLE DINING ROOM - NIGHT112

Freddy sits dejectedly -- still dressed in his theatre

clothes.

Igor and Inga sit near him. Frau Blucher stands nearby.

FREDDY:

I'm a failure.

IGOR:

Come on, Froderick -- none of that.

Cont.

82

112 Cont.

INGA:

Look how far we've come.

IGOR:

You can't expect to iron out all

the kinks in one night.

INGA:

I think the doctor is a genius!

Don't you, Igor?

IGOR:

Why certainly. Don't you,

Frau Blucher?

FRAU BLUCHER:

He's a failure.

Freddy gives her a cold stare.

FREDDY:

What are you waiting around for,

pickle puss?

FRAU BLUCHER:

(handling him a cable)

This wire came while you were gone.

Your fiancee will be arriving any

moment.

FREDDY:

Elizabeth!?!

(he reads the cable)

'Can't waits any longer. Arrive

in your arms at ten tonight.'

Oh, God! Not tonight.

INGA:

Why, doctor...how wonderful for you.

FREDDY:

Wonderful? It's terrible!

Terrible, terrible, terrible,

terrible, terrible!

Freddy storms out of the room.

IGOR:

She sounds fascinating.

CUT TO:

83

113EXT. COBBLESTONED ALLEY - NIGHT113

A SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRL walks innocently along the narrow,

menacing alley, lit only by moonlight.

Behind her, there slowly appears a growing, TWENTY-FOUR

SHADOW.

When the shadow is almost upon her, the Girl turns around

and faces her pursuer.

It is her BABY BROTHER, holing a long balloon in each

hand.

SIX-YEAR-OLD-GIRL

(grabbing him)

Mit kommen, mit kommen. Du bist

immer eine schlafmutzigem Blind-

schleiche.

She gives him a slap on the behind and pulls him along.

CUT TO:

114A GRANDFATHER CLOCK114

It is ten o'clock. GONG.

115INT. RECEPTION HALL115

The front door opens and Elizabeth comes in. Frau Blucher

and a COACHMAN can be SEEN in the b.g.

Freddy stands in dressing gown and ascot. Inga and Igor

wait politely in the rear.

ELIZABETH:

Darling!

FREDDY:

Darling!

They embrace.

ELIZABETH:

Surprised?

FREDDY:

Surprised!

ELIZABETH:

Love me?

FREDDY:

Love you! ...Well, why don't

we turn in?

Cont.

84

115 Cont.

ELIZABETH:

Darling!?!

FREDDY:

I mean, it's been a long day.

I'm sure you must be as tired

as I am. Oh! These are my

assistants:
Inga and Ayegor.

Freddy turns to get some luggage from the Coachman.

ELIZABETH:

(stepping up

to Inga)

How do you do?

INGA:

Very well. So nice to meet you

at last.

Elizabeth steps up to Igor.

IGOR:

Darling!

ELIZABETH:

Hello...?

IGOR:

Surprised?

ELIZABETH:

Well... yes.

IGOR:

Miss me?

ELIZABETH:

I...

Freddy approaches them with Elizabeth's two suitcases:

One very large, and one very small.

FREDDY:

Ready, darling?

ELIZABETH:

Yes. I am a bit tired, after all.

FREDDY:

(to Igor)

Give me a hand with these, will

you, Ayegor?

Cont.

85

115 Cont.1

IGOR:

Certainly, master.

Igor takes the small suitcase, and, with Inga, leads

Elizabeth and Freddy up the stairs. Freddy struggles with

the large suitcase. Frau Blucher follows behind.

115AON THE STAIRWAY115A

ELIZABETH:

What a strange fellow.

FREDDY:

Yes, he's a little bit... tilted.

Harmless, though.

ELIZABETH:

Why does he call you 'master'?

Freddy stares at her.

FREDDY:

Are you suggesting I call him

master???

ELIZABETH:

No, of course not. I just meant...

FREDDY:

All right then!

DISSOLVE TO:

116INT. ELEGANT RESTAURANT - NIGHT116

The Monster walks in cautiously. No one seems to take

any particular notice of him.

He walks up to the MAITRE D' and taps his back.

MAITRE D'

Yes, sir, name, please?

MONSTER:

Food!

MAITRE D'

Do you have a reservation?

MONSTER:

Food!!

MAITRE D'

I'm sorry, sir. We only seat by

reservation.

Cont.

86

116 Cont.

MONSTER:

Drink!

MAITRE D'

Oh, no sir-ee. If yo don't have

a reservation you can skip to

ma-loo.

The Monster grabs the Maitre D' by the lapels

MONSTER:

Foooooood!

MAITRE D'

Now just one moment. There's no

need for roughhousing. Have you

ever tried a tip?

MONSTER:

GRRRHMMNNNJKJMMMNN!

MAITRE D'

Franz! Help! Lunatic!

117NEW ANGLE117

As the monster picks up the maitre D' and throws him into

a crowd.

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