Young Guns II Page #5

TOBACCO POUCH.

IT'S HIS.

I GAVE IT TO HIM.

IT'S BUFFALO SCROTUM

FROM MY FIRST KILL,

BIG OLD BULL:

NEAR FORT GRIFFIN.

THAT'S A PRETTY STORY,

SHERIFF.

WHY'D HE LEAVE I HANGING THERE LIKE THAT?

JUST TO SAY HELLO.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S SAYING

MORE THAN HELLO.

WHAT'S ''SCUM''?

WELL, TOM,

THAT'S BAD TYPES--

POLITICIANS, BANKERS,

CATTLE KINGS--

SCUM.

COME ON.

COME ALONG, MOTHER.

WELL, I'LL BE HOG-TIED

AND SENT TO HADES!

BILLY!

AHH!

WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

HOW ARE YOU, JANE?

WICKED BOYS!

WICKED AND WANTED

OR JUST PLAIN WICKED?

$1,OOO ON ME.

YEAH?

I HEARD $5OO.

WELL, YOU HEARD

WRONG, JANE.

I ALSO HEARD YOU AIN'T LONG

FOR THE TERRITORY, BILLY.

WE'RE NOT. WE'RE GOING TO

OLD MEXICO, RIGHT, BILLY?

WELL, GOOD LUCK.

HOW OLD'S THIS FELLA?

OH, WELL,

DON'T FORGET THAT HALF.

THERE'S A LOT OF EXPERIENCE

PACKED INTO THAT HALF.

IT'S DIFFERENT.

WHAT? MY HAIR?

IT'S THE NEW FASHION.

YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH, YOUR HAIR,

BUT EVERYTHING.

THIS WHOLE TOWN,

OUTSIDE, TOO.

THEY GOT A CHURCH.

THIS AIN' WHITE OAKS.

YEAH, WELL, THERE'S 2,011

SOULS IN THIS TOWN, KID,

A LOT OF BACK EAST MONEY.

THE TOWN'S DIFFERENT.

IT'S RESPECTABLE.

YOU'RE NOT TELLING US

YOU'VE GONE RESPECTABLE

NOW, JANE, HAVE YOU?

NO. WELL, TO THE EYE

THAT DON'T KNOW NO BETTER,

YEAH, I HAVE.

WELL,

I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.

MY BOYS HERE WOULD LIKE

SOME BOONDA UPSTAIRS

RIGHT QUICK, DARLING.

DID I HEAR YOU SAY

YOU'D LIKE

AN EXCELLENT MAL

SIX-TIMES SERVED IN A ROOM

WITH A SOUTHERN VIEW?

YOU'RE A LADY

TO THE MANOR BORN, JANE.

TO THE MANOR BORN.

HE'S HURT PRETTY GOOD.

LOOKS LIKE THE MUSKRATS

ARE IN A TRAP.

THEY'RE CHEWING

THEIR OWN LEGS OFF.

ALL RIGHT,

WE'RE GOING NORTH.

SOUTH, YOU MEAN.

NO, I MEAN NORTH.

BUT, SHERIFF,

LAST TIME I HEARD,

OLD MEXICO'S

STILL SOUTH.

YOU EVER HEAR OF

A COYDOG, POE?

HALF COMMON DOG,

HALF COYOTE.

FEED ONE, HE KEEPS

COMING AROUND.

NO FEAR OF MAN.

KID'S A COYDOG.

HE'S COME 15O MILES

WITHOUT A TOWN.

RIGHT ABOUT NOW,

HE'S LOOKING FOR

SOME ATTENTION.

ASH!

HE AIN'T MY CONCERN.

[SPEAKING APACHE LANGUAGE]

OH!

[SPEAKING APACHE LANGUAGE]

SHERIFF, I THINK

I NEED TO HAVE A MOVEMENT.

ME, TOO.

UHH! UHH!

''OVER THE MOUNTAINS

OF THE MOON,

''DOWN THE VALLEY

OF THE SHADOW,

''RIDE, BOLDLY, RIDE,

THE SHADE REPLIED--

IF YOU SEEK:

FOR ELDORADO!''

MY, THAT WAS HEAVENLY.

WHO WROTE IT?

JOSIAH ''DOC'' SCURLOCK.

WHO THE HELL'S THAT?

NOW, YOU COME BACK NOW.

WHOO!

[BED SHAKING

AND LAUGHTER]

[HOOFBEATS]

OH, NO.

BILLY!

LOOK OUT THE WINDOW,

BILLY!

BILLY!

THEY DON'T TOLERATE SCUM.

HELP ME GATHER:

THE BOYS.

GO ON. GET ROLLING

DOWNSTAIRS.

BILLY THE KID!

ALIAS WILLIAM H. BONNEY!

IT'S DEPUTY CARLYLE.

I BEST GO SPEAK TO HIM.

...AND DAVE RUDABAUGH

OF LAS VEGAS!

HE SAID DAVE RUDABAUGH

OF LAS VEGAS!

I'M REAL HAPPY FOR YOU,

DAVE.

...BLACK KNIGHTS

ON THE PREMISES,

TURN YOUR BODIES

OVER TO THE LAW...

OR PERISH IN FLAME.

DEPUTY CARLYLE, WHAT THE HELL'S

GOING ON DOWN HERE?

BILLY THE KID,

WE HAVE JANE GREATHOUSE

HELD OUT HERE.

I'M COMING IN

TO TALK TO YOU.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME,

THE CITIZENS HERE

SAY THEY WILL STRING HER UP

AND BURN HER.

DO YOU AGREE TO THOSE TERMS?

DO I AGREE:

TO THOSE TERMS?

HA HA HA!

WHO IS THIS GUY?

YES, SIR, WE AGREE

TO THOSE TERMS.

I'M GOING IN.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,

PUT YOUR GUNS AWAY

AND LOOK RESPECTABLE.

LADIES, UPSTAIRS.

O'FOLLIARD, DISAPPEAR.

GENTLEMEN.

AHEM! AHEM!

GENTLEMEN, WHICH OF YOU

IS THE LEADER OF YOUR GANG?

THAT WOULD BE ME.

ARKANSAS DAVE.

YOU ARE NOT, DAVE.

I AM SO.

YOU ARE NOT.

I AM SO!

ARE NOT!

AHEM! GENTLEMEN,

I'M A DEPUTIZED MAN,

AND I DO THINGS:

THE LAW WAY.

WHICH WAY?

LAW WAY.

LAW WAY. I SEE.

OK, GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD.

NOW, THE PEOPLE OUT THERE,

THEY DO THINGS:

THEIR OWN WAY.

THEY GOT THEIR MINDS

SET ON A HANGING.

NOW,

IT'S GOING TO BE HELL

IF I CAN'T CONTROL

THIS SITUATION.

SO, WHAT I PROPOSE

IS THIS:

I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE

AN INDIAN IN YOUR GROUP.

YES, SIR.

JOSE CHAVEZ Y CHAVEZ.

HE'S A MEXICAN-INDIAN.

HOW'D THAT BE?

WELL, THAT'LL BE

JUST FINE.

IF I CAN GIVE THIS INDIAN

TO THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE,

THEY'LL BE

WELL SATISFIED.

THE REST OF YOU:

CAN JUST RIDE OUT.

HA HA! YOU HEAR THAT,

CHAVEZ?

SIR, I AGREE

TO THOSE TERMS.

THEY'RE AN ANGRY MOB,

INDEED,

AND WE DO HAPPEN TO HAVE

AN INDIAN:

ON THE PREMISES.

GIVE ME YOUR HAT.

NOW, MR. LAW WAY,

MAY I SEE YOUR HAT?

I REALLY DON'T SEE

HOW HATS ARE RELEVAN IN THIS SITUATION.

I DO.

DAVE.

THE GENTLEMAN'S

JACKET.

THERE.

MR. CARLYLE!

NOW I CAN:

TALK TO YOU.

NOW YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE

SUCH A POLITICIAN.

CAN I TAKE THE INDIAN

WITH ME OR NOT?

THE INDIAN'S GOING OU TO SATISFY THE CROWD,

BUT YOU OBVIOUSLY

DON'T UNDERSTAND

THE MEANING:

OF THE WORD ''PALS.''

THINK I'D HAND

MY FRIEND OVER TO

A BUCKET OF MULE DUNG

LIKE YOU?

THAT'S AN INSULT.

TURN AROUND, CHIEF.

[GUNS COCK]

COME ON, CARLYLE!

YOU BRINGING HIM OUT OR NOT?

ALL RIGHT,

YOU WHITE CAPS!

WE'RE COMING OUT,

BUT WE'RE COMING OU SHOOTING!

GET READY FOR WAR!

[INDIAN WAR WHOOPING CALL]

UH-OH.

OH, MY GOD!

THAT'S DEPUTY CARLYLE.

THAT'S JAMES CARLYLE.

COME ON.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

THEY'RE LEAVING.

THEY'RE ALL SKINNING OUT.

PALS.

OF COURSE,

THEY WERE SKINNING OUT.

THEY HAD JUST MURDERED

THEIR OWN DEPUTY.

THEY PINNED THAT ONE

ON ME, TOO,

BUT I NEVER FIRED

ONE SHOT.

JUST SAYING ''HELLO,'' PAT?

DID YOU ENTERTAIN HIM?

MAYBE.

DID YOU LIKE IT?

MAYBE.

REMEMBER THE TIME YOU, ME,

AND HIM LOCKED ALL THE DOORS,

STAYED UP TILL THE SUN,

BREAKING THE PLACE UP

WITH SIX-SHOOTERS?

EVERY BOTTLE IN THE BAR...

NAKED AS JAYBIRDS...

AND THERE WAS NO LAW.

NO LAW...

AND NO BARBED WIRE.

PATRICK,

I'M GOING TO PAR WITH A NASTY SECRET.

YOU USED TO MAKE ME

HOTTER THAN A JUNE BRIDE

SITTING BAREBACK

ON A DEPOT STOVE,

BUT I DON'T SHARE MY BED

WITH THE LAW.

AND I DON'T KEEP

WITH WHORES NO MORE.

SO AIN'T WE BOTH CONTENT?

JANE GREATHOUSE,

THE CITIZENS OF WHITE OAKS

HAVE PROCLAIMED THIS PLACE

THE DEVIL'S DEN.

AS SHERIFF:

OF LINCOLN COUNTY,

I HAVE TO HONOR AND PROTEC THEIR CIVIC VIRTUES.

I'LL SHOW THEM

WHAT MY CIVIC VIRTUES

LOOK LIKE,

ALL THOSE:

STALL-FED TENDERFEE

WITH THEIR EASTERN

SHINPLASTER:

AND THEIR SUNDAY WIVES

AND THEIR SUNDAY DRESSES

WITH THE PREACHER

AT THE BACK DOOR

BY MORNING:

TO SEE IF THEY'VE GO THE CONNECTICUT BLUE LAWS

TATTOOED ON THEIR

LILY-WHITE BUTTOCKS!

LET IT BURN!

LET IT BURN!

THE TOWN WILL BE

BETTER OFF--

OH, LORD.

AAAH!

I DON'T BELIEVE

I'M SEEING THIS.

WHOA!

THIS TOWN WILL:

NEVER BE THE SAME.

WHITE OAKS,

YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!

SURE.

ANYTIME, HONEY.

HEY, IS THIS ONE

READY TO GO?

IT CAN GO,

DOWN IN THA NUMBER TWO LANE.

LET IT GO!

LET IT GO!

HEY!

YOU GOT ANY WATER?

OLD-TIMER,

WHEN DID THIS PLACE BOOM UP?

LAST WEEK.

COPPER?

NAH! GUANO.

BAT DROPPINGS.

BAT DROPPINGS?

I'VE BEEN

TO GOLD TOWNS,

SILVER TOWNS,

I'VE EVEN BEEN

TO TURQUOISE TOWNS,

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN

TO A BAT SH*T TOWN.

CAN'T WAI TO SEE THE WOMEN.

YAH!

YAH!

UGH!

YAH! YAH!

GO! GO! HEYAH!

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