Young People Page #4

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- A cousin we have in Topeka.

He had some trouble

with his mother-in-law.

She must've been weaned on a pickle.

- Come on, Dad. It's town hall tonight!

- Come on. Let's go in.

There seems to be

so much gloom around here.

You don't know enough

to pound sand down a rat hole!

Maybe so. But I know enough

to stop talking once in a while!

Stop your squabbling, Sam.

A man's a right to speak his mind here whether

you agree with him or not. Go ahead, Pete.

This bridge has gotta be repaired

before she collapses.

- How much will it cost?

- Mr. Baldwin calculates it'll cost about $50.

Then I say wait till she collapses!

That fellow's wrong. It'll cost less to repair

the bridge than it would to build a new one.

Sure, Dad. You've got opinions.

Why don't you say something?

Anybody got any more

to say about the proposition?

- Go on, Joe.

- Go on, Dad.

All right then. Matter's deferred till next year.

Well, I guess that finishes the agenda.

Yes, that finishes the agenda.

Now if someone will move

to adjourn the town hall-

- Mr. Moderator?

- Yeah, Mr. Shea?

Folks, you know I couldn't let a meeting

go by without reminding you...

that there are still a few young people

living in Stonefield.

Or should I say vegetating?

Yeah, and most of'em

ain't dry behind the ears yet.

Maybe so. But we don't claim

to be suffering from dry rot.

But we figure that's what ails Stonefield.

Fellow citizens, we've got a real

progressive program for our town...

and it won't cost a great deal of money

to put it into effect.

Seems that bein' progressive and spendin'

other people's money amounts to the same thing.

Now I'll tell you what's keeping us broke.

Tradition. You're all afraid to do anything

any differently than your grandfathers did it.

What's wrong with the way they did it?

Nothing. Only they did it

in another century.

Now I respect tradition

as much as the next man...

but I don't respect it

when it stands in the way of progress.

Now let's get wise to ourselves.

Let's realize that we're not living

on a desert island...

but right spang within the borders

of a big, lively, up-and-coming nation...

the United States.

We've heard all this before, Mr. Shea.

Well, anyway, for the record,

I want to propose our usual resolution-

that a board be appointed, no member

of which may be over 30 years of age...

to promote Stonefield as a tourist center,

to attract new industries here...

and to make our town a more prosperous

and progressive place in which to live.

- Terrific idea there, kid.

- Thanks, but we haven't got a chance.

- Mr. Moderator?

- Miss Appleby?

- Who is she?

- A schoolteacher.

Taught everybody here,

and she's still teaching 'em.

I think it's about time

to put a stop to all this nonsense.

Ever since my forefather, Caleb Appleby,

founded Stonefield...

in the dear, dead, sacrificial days

before the Revolutionary War...

and down through the decades

of American progression...

we've managed to get along very nicely

without factories or tourists...

even without Michael Shea.

However, since Michael

and his supporters were once my pupils...

I still cannot help but feel a certain

responsibility for them.

So, before their harebrained schemes to

get rich quick lead them into serious trouble...

I should like to remind them of the

fundamentals they were taught at school.

There's only one road to prosperity,

and that's the rocky one.

Hard work, diligence and thrift.

Thank you, Miss Appleby.

And now to dispense with the matter.

Mr. Moderator?

Yeah? Mr., uh-

Ballantine. Joe Ballantine. You know.

Dad, give 'em the old cannibal act.

Oh, yes. Gettin' up here tonight-

it's my first night in town-

it kinda makes me feel

like the vegetarian...

that was addressing a bunch of cannibals

that was having him for dinner.

But don't get me wrong, folks.

I'm- I like this town very much...

and I'm really proud and happy

to be a member of your little community.

But the trouble with all you people is-

well, you're still living

in the horse and carriage age.

You go back so far that you think the young

people should be seen and not heard.

That's where you're wrong.

The young people have the bright ideas.

Uh, when young Shea here said that this town

needed waking up, he punched it right on the nose.

Yes, sir. We oughta give

this town a shot in the arm...

put a new coat of paint on it.

- Uh-

- Shoulder to the wheel.

Oh, if we plunge in

and put our shoulders to the wheel...

we'll have people flocking in here

from every state in the Union.

- Standing room only.

- Yes, there'll be standing room only.

By that I mean

that the hotels'll be crowded...

the stores'll be doing

a land office business...

the real estate'll be booming, and, well,

the young folks'll have a chance.

I want you all to know

that we're here to do that very thing.

Yes, sir, you can always call on

The Three Ballantines. We're at your service.

Folks, let us help you use showmanship.

Let us help you bring happiness to the old town.

- Hit it, Dad.

- And I want to tell you that before we're through...

why, we'll turn Stonefield

into a hustling metropolis.

And what I wanna know, folks-

Are you with me?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

- Gee, Dad, that was just like a fireside chat.

- You weren't so bad yourself.

- Mr. Moderator?

- Mr. Dakin?

I reckon Stonefield is lucky...

mighty lucky to have a man

like Mr. Ballantine for a citizen.

It isn't often a stranger can come along

and show folks in a couple of minutes...

how they've been wrong for 150 years.

I think we ought to thank

Mr. Ballantine...

for giving us a shot in the arm,

if you know what I mean.

So I think it's only fittin'

that we appoint Mr. Ballantine...

a one-man chamber of commerce...

to investigate conditions

and report to us.

- Folks, I never dreamed-

- Hey, they don't know they're being ribbed.

I want to assure you that-

well, this is a great thrill for me.

This is a greater thrill to me

than when I played the Palace...

for the first time

in New York City, New York.

Oh, yes. I want you all to know

that I'm your friend.

When you bump into me on the street, I want

you to say, "Hello, Joe. What do you know?"

Ah, Kit, honey, this is it.

Everything we ever dreamed of.

Just think, Joe- a kid of ours growing up like

this, not having to go through what we did.

She'll know everybody, marry

a nice young fellow in town-

maybe the banker's son-

and when she has kids,

they'll grow up here...

get married... maybe.

What do you mean, "maybe"?

I don't know. I guess

I'm just an old sourpuss. That's all.

Don't you think I'm a little young

to be considering getting married?

Here. You're supposed to be asleep.

I know.

You just want to get rid of me.

Selling me off to the first bidder.

Honey, there ain't enough money

in the whole world to buy you.

- Sounds like a song cue.

- Well, not to disappoint you, I think I'll sing.

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