Young People Page #5

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# I wouldn't take a million #

# For a girl like you #

# I wouldn't take a million #

# For the things you do #

# If they offered me a mansion #

# In the finest part of town #

# If you were not in that mansion #

#Then I would turn it down #

# I wouldn't take a million #

# For the twinkle in your eyes #

# I'd rather win a smile from you #

#Than win the Nobel Prize #

# If I were just a pauper #

#And I didn't have a sou #

# I still would have a million #

# If I just #

# Had #

#You ##

That's what you get for trying to sing a ballad.

Lucas. Hello, Daniel. Hi.

- Hello, folks.

- Oh, look. There's Mrs. Hubbard.

Whoo-hoo.

Looks like no one stays home

on Saturday afternoons.

- Mm-hmm.

- Hello, Mr. Stolbanger.

Not bad, eh? We've been in town

a month. We know everybody.

That's so, Dad. We're irresistible.

- Oh, Joe, do I look all right?

- Honey, you never looked better.

Listen. When that ladies' auxiliary

get a load of you...

they're gonna do nip-ups

all over that church.

Well, listen. You run along.

I'll see you later, honey.

- Hey.

- What?

Wish me luck.

- Here comes Ballantine now.

- Hello, fellas.

Well, now. Any news, neighbor?

How's the chamber of commerce doin'?

I can't wait to tell you about it.

I, uh-

I wouldn't pass it up

for a stack of greenbacks.

- Hello, Mike, my lad.

- Hello, Joe.

My, you're just the one I'm lookin' for.

Wanna tell you I got

the Ballantine Plan all set up...

and ready for the next edition

of your paper.

- It's gonna rock this town like T.N.T.

- That's swell, Mr. Ballantine.

Be the biggest news

the Democrat ever printed.

Yeah, did you tell Dakin that horse

he sold you had the heaves?

Oh, the horse didn't have the heaves.

That's just a bad cold. That's all.

She'll be all right.

We got more important things

to talk about than a horse.

Say, did you sell him

that broken-down nag?

I wouldn't talk if I were you...

not after the way you took him...

with that rock crusher

that wouldn't crack a peanut.

And then- Last year she had

the measles.

Now she's had everything

except the mumps.

- It's my opinion that-

- Wendy had the mumps in Denver two years ago.

We were playing a split week there.

Oh, but strictly the big time,

you understand.

Joe always saw to that.

He used to tell the agent, "Don't bother me

with none of your small-time bookings.

It's nothin' but the best for the Ballantines."

- And it always was.

- I'm sure it was.

Oh, maybe I talk too much

for a new member.

Oh, no.

Most interesting, I assure you.

As I was going to say...

it's my opinion that all epidemics

come from the city.

Nothing happens to Sarah except when

she's been to visit her cousin in the city.

Well, that's something else

forJoe to worry about.

- Joe?

- You see, the whole point of his plan-

He calls it "the Ballantine Plan"-

is to attract city people here,

you know, with fairs...

and ski carnivals and

an apple blossom festival in the spring.

Oh, how exciting.

Your husband's quite a man, Mrs. Ballantine.

How did you happen to marry him?

Well, I tell him that I must

have been under an anesthetic.

But between us girls,

oh, I fell for him like that.

- Uh-

- Oh, dear.

Thank you. He was hoofing then,

on the Gaiety Wheel.

And I was in the chorus-

You know, third from the end.

They picked me out to do

a specialty with him.

Well-

The routine called for a split.

I did a split, all right...

and so did my tights-

right up the back.

Oh, you should have been there.

- It was something, really.

- Why!

Oh, dear. Well, I got off the stage, all right.

I don't know how.

And somehow- I don't know.

The next week we were married- and broke.

But when you're crazy about a man,

money doesn't make any difference.

Nothing does, does it?

And do you feel, Mrs. Ballantine...

that your own experience qualifies you

as an expert on marriage?

I wouldn't go as far as to say that,

but one thing I know-

A girl shouldn't let

a good chance go by.

They only come once in a lifetime.

I always say that men are like ships

that pass in the night.

If a young girl isn't careful, she's liable

to miss the boat, and then where is she?

Where is she? Left on the docks

with the other old maids.

Oh, no offense, Miss Appleby.

Oh, uh, we were talking about germs,

weren't we?

Yes, if I may be permitted

to say, epidemics-

Well, Mom, did you have a good time?

Grand. Girls, it was simply delightful.

What will be the subject next week?

I'm sure you'll be able to decide that.

- Oh, do you mean it's Mom's turn?

- Yes, it is, Wendy.

Oh, thank you.

- Hello, Kit.

- Judy, you two know each other, don't you?

Oh, why don't you kids

kiss and make up, huh?

Remember what I told you, Judy,

about missing the boat.

Too bad Wendy isn't a few years older.

She'd grab Mike herself.

That would gum the plot all up,

wouldn't it, Dad?

Uh-oh. Uh, hello, Miss Appleby.

Well. Mr. Ballantine and little Wendy.

- We were just telling Mike and Judy-

- Yes, I heard.

- We better be gettin' along.

- Might I suggest that the way to get along in Stonefield...

is to keep one's nose

out of other people's affairs.

Come along, Judith.

Well, thanks for

the good intentions, anyway.

Yes, there's a well-known place

that's paved with them.

Well, let's get goin'.

- Your pop.

- Never misses a prop.

I walk into a tree.

How do you like that?

# Flow gently, sweet Afton #

#Among thy green braes #

# Flow gently, I'll sing thee #

#A song in thy praise #

# My Mary's asleep #

By the murmuring stream

Flow gently, sweet Afton

# Disturb not her dream #

T hou dove whose soft echo

- R esounds thro'the glen

- If they go for this corny routine...

wait'll they get a load of what

Wendy's dished up for 'em.

- It'll lay 'em in the aisle.

- Shh!

I hope.

#You wild whistling warblers #

#Your music forbear #

I've hated this song ever since Hester

drummed it into me 10 years ago.

# My slumbering fair ##

Right face. Forward march.

One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two-

-

- Thank you.

As you all know, I have always

been particularly insistent...

that those children so inclined...

be given free rein

to express their talents.

So in a few moments we shall present

this year's entertainment...

under the personal supervision

of Mary Ann Parker.

Oh, Wendy, you look scrumptious.

- I never saw you look so nice.

- Thank you.

- Do you think this safety pin will show, Evelyn?

- No, I don't think so.

Hope my pa don't get mad at me

'cause I took his pants-

- Especially his new ones.

- Don't worry, Jerry.

Just be sure you don't lose 'em.

Come here, kids.

You see, Joe?

We don't need to worry.

- The show is in good hands.

- Look-

There's no reason to be scared.

You'll love going out on the stage,

and there's nothing to worry about...

because they're all there to like you.

And when they do like you,

a tingle goes up and down your spine...

like you never felt before, and-

Oh, well, it's just the biggest thrill

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