Young People Page #6

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in the whole world.

All right, kids. That's all.

Now let's go out there

and wow them.

Mary Ann, what does this mean?

Miss Appleby!

We wanted to surprise you.

You most certainly have.

What are you doing in this-

this getup?

- It's for the vaudeville show.

- Vaudeville show?

- It was all Wendy's idea, Miss Appleby.

- I'm sure it was.

And her mother's

and father's too, I presume.

You'll like it, Miss Appleby. Honestly,

you will-And so will the audience.

We're using all the surefire routines.

Mom and Dad thought of that.

Well, I think I must thank you for all

the trouble you've gone to with my pupils.

- Oh, it wasn't anything.

- After all, with our experience...

it was only natural

for us to lend a hand.

And wait till you see the show,

Miss Appleby. It's terrific.

Why, I'm positive

it'll tear the house down.

I suppose you're equally positive

that the people of this town...

were serious when they made you

chamber of commerce.

- What are you driving at?

- Just this, Mr. Ballantine.

Your whole existence in this town

has been one big joke.

Many people have found your efforts...

to run this town and everyone in it

exceedingly funny.

But there's a climax to every joke,

and you've reached it.

Well, of all the nerve.

Miss Appleby, I've been

in show business for over 20 years.

In that time I've bumped

into a lot of sour grapes...

but really you take the cake.

Sure. She's down on us because you

stole her thunder at the town meeting.

- Why, that's ridiculous.

- Oh, no, it isn't.

You're losing your grip on this town,

Hester, and you know it.

You don't want this show to go on because

you know that we're gonna get the credit.

I'm sorry for you, Hester, really sorry.

Mary Ann, you may start the performance

as soon as I finish my announcement.

And I'll see to it that you get

all the credit that you deserve.

Oh, shut your blubbering, you big crybaby.

Now let's go out there and show 'em.

- That's a girl.

- That's it, kids. You go out there.

I have a little surprise for you.

I have just discovered that this year,

rather than the children...

Mr. And Mrs. Ballantine

and their daughter, Wendy...

have assumed charge

of the second part of our recital...

and are entirely responsible

for what you are about to see.

I am sure you will fully appreciate

this small sample...

of what our new friends are capable

of doing for Stonefield.

Very good.

- #We're not little babies anymore #

- No!

- #We don't play with dollies on the floor #

- Nah!

#We know how to act our age #

#We have passed the infant stage #

#That's why we are in a rage #

- #We're not little babies anymore #

- More

- #We think children are an awful bore #

- Bore

#You don't realize the fact

that we are growing up #

#And we're not little babies anymore #

#We're young people #

#We are young people #

# Ready to have our dream #

#We're not old yet

We're just in between #

#We're nine and we're 10

Well, that's almost 16 #

- #We're young ladies #

- #And we're their boyfriends #

#And love is a wonderful thing #

# Please don't call me sonny

It makes me blush #

# Stop that baby talk

That "umsie-wumsie" mush #

#The days of bibs and teddy bears

and kiddie cars are gone #

# For time ta-ta, ta-ta marches on #

# Life's a stage

and we are in the show #

#We know everything

there is to know #

#When we're in the parlor

and the lights are low #

# Don't bribe us with a nickel

We refuse to go #

# Sisters, better tell

your romantic gents #

#We have a minimum number charge

of 50 cents #

#We hate to hear a fairy tale

before we go to bed #

#We'd rather have you telling us

what Walter Winchell said #

#We know our table manners

when to use a knife and fork #

#And we know that the Stork

is a nightclub in New York ##

-

- Did you know that my boy was going to do this?

Mr. And Mrs. Ballantine.

Tommy Stinchfield!

Stop that disgraceful exhibition at once

and come down here.

My new pants-

Wait till I get you home, young man.

- Oh, poor Wendy.

- What's the matter?

Oh, Wendy, that's all right, honey.

It was my fault. All my fault.

Wasn't your fault, honey.

It wasn't your fault.

It's their fault.

They're small- small people.

So. You were positive your show

would tear the house down.

Buck up, Joey boy.

You keep on pluggin' away,

and you'll be mayor of this town yet.

Why, with that wife and kid or yours

out stumpin' for you...

you'd be a lead-pipe cinch.

Joe!

All right, Joe.

He had it coming to him.

Come on, Kit and Wendy.

Let's go home.

You all right, Mr. Dakin?

Now that that's settled,

I think we can get back to normal.

Normal? Your idea of normal

is being mean and vindictive.

You've hurt the nicest family

that's ever come here...

and I wouldn't be like you

or the rest of your frozen-faced...

- narrow-minded old-

- Oh, Mike!

Listen, Judy, you wanted me to change,

but now it's your turn.

If you ever make up your mind,

let me know.

Einstein couldn't figure this thing out.

Oh, and I wanted to hear

The Friendly Hour.

It's a fine thing when you gotta

depend on a radio for friendship.

We could use a little friendship around here,

no matter where it comes from.

Aw, you're right, Kit.

But maybe it wasn't their fault.

I guess we just looked like

queer fish to 'em. That's all.

What a life. The most important

audience we ever played to...

and the only one we couldn't crack.

- What are you reading, honey?

- Variety.

I'd nearly forgotten the language.

"Broadway Does Flop-o as Biz Dives."

Hmm. Dave and Fanny Chambers were on

a television program in Los Angeles last week.

- So what?

- I can remember...

when they were billed

under Costello's Trained Seals.

She can remember.

"Bob wows them in Cleveland.

Flicks legit takes back seat."

Remember when we were held over

in Cleveland for three weeks?

I was in school there for so long...

they voted me most apt to succeed.

And that night Dad

got so mad at you, Mom...

he spoiled the finish just because

you bought that new dress.

Spoiled the finish? Me? Kit was just

in a hurry to get off to try it on.

Didn't have a chance.

You sent it back.

- Did I?

- Remember this one, Dad?

# Hop a bus, take a car

Hail a cab and there you are #

# On Fifth Avenue ##

What fun we used to have.

Trains, hotels, dressing rooms,

the old gang-

Mmm. Those were the days.

Those were the days you wanted

the cows and the chickens.

Well, that's the way it goes.

You always want something

you haven't got...

then after you get it,

you don't want it at all.

So you want to go back.

Sure, I want to go back.

And I bet we'll be better than ever.

Oh, you're still

a great little actress, honey.

Your last speech proves that.

- Well, let's start warming up right now.

- Yeah, come on, huh?

Mom, let's make a clean entrance.

- Okay, we'll pick it up where you come on.

- All right.

When you do your specialty, give it to 'em.

Remember? You never missed a tap.

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