Your Friends & Neighbors

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You want me to yell sh*t out?

Or turn you over and act like

a couple of guys are pinning you down?

Just tell me.

Is it me?

I mean,

cos I think you're a great lay.

And I mean that.

I feel... special coming inside you.

I'm serious.

I'm always going to think of you

as a very special f***.

I only hope that I can...

Should I be more tender now?

Add some sweetness?

I'd believe that.

I mean,

if I was a chick I'd believe that.

All right.

One more time before she gets here.

Come on. Let's pick up the pace.

Gad, though you laugh now,

'twill be my turn ere long.

Oh, women.

More impertinent, more cunning,

and more mischievous

than their monkeys.

And to me, almost as ugly.

She's been throwing me about

and rifling all I have,

but I'll get into her the back way.

And so rifle her for it.

Oh.

Scene.

OK.

All right.

Your classmate and I have turned this

into a provocative scene. I know that.

But that's always the challenge.

Even with a period piece.

I mean,

what are we looking at here, huh?

Lace and language aside, in the end

it's just men and women. Right?

Just like any other story.

Like every story.

Ultimately,

what do these characters want, hm?

Hm?

I know. It's embarrassing

for you to say, but let's be honest.

They wanna...

f***.

Correct?

It's always about f***ing.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's it.

That's the one. Oh, yeah.

I'm with you, baby.

That's right. Absolutely.

Can you feel it?

You and I are in...

complete harmony.

Yeah.

Is there any chance

you're gonna shut the f*** up?

- What?

- You're talking in my ear.

I'm losing any sense of concentration.

I'm just...

It's kinda hard to stop in...

Well, keep it to yourself.

I mean, "Can you feel it?"

Your thing is nearly in the back of my

throat. You think I'm gonna miss that?

Let's just do it, OK?

I don't need the narration.

Jeez, what is this?

I'm sorry,

but this is not a travelogue, you know?

Jesus Christ.

This is so f***ing...

God.

It's how I feel.

Great. That's great.

Why do we always have to go through

this sh*t? I've always been that way.

And it's so f***ing enjoyable for me,

you know?

I so much as start to breathe, you stop.

What is that?

- It's me.

- Yeah, well, it's f***ed.

- You wanna watch TV?

- No, I don't wanna watch...

Why is it that your c*nt is like,

and I don't like to use that word but...

Goddamnit. It's like your vagina is tied

directly to my mouth. Why is that, huh?

I crack open my lips for breath

and you're squeezing me off.

It's like our two organs

are on a pull cord here.

And I'm...

You know what? I'm sick of it.

I'll talk as much as I like.

Good. I hope she enjoys it

cos you won't be f***ing me.

Fine. That's beautiful.

Can I have my keys, please?

Hey!

- Where are you going?

- Out. I feel like talking, OK?

Come on. Give me the...

We can talk. I just don't want something

up my ass while we're doing it.

- Go f*** yourself.

- Don't give me any ideas.

- Hey.

- What?

Bring me some ice cream

if you go by a store.

So, you wanna know what?

The best lay that I've ever had?

Right?

That's easy. It's me.

Nobody gives me more pleasure

than I give myself. I mean that.

Not that my wife's terrible

or anything.

She's not, she's wonderful. But...

She's just not me.

You know?

I like doing it with her

but the real fireworks take place

when she heads off to the shower.

You know what I mean?

You probably think I'm kidding, but...

I've lived with this hell all my life.

I'm telling you,

nobody makes me come the way I do.

Get on a little bit more.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Come on.

Come on.

Oh...

I'm sorry.

I mean, I...

Oh, God...

Is it me? I need to...

I just got a bad go of it from here.

That's all. Your legs

don't open as cleanly from here.

Is this something you really like,

this side-saddle thing?

Huh?

You feel it's me, don't you?

Hey, honey, I bet Adam and Eve

never did it on their side.

I mean until after

they were thrown out of the Garden.

Or bored, or something.

It's just not a natural...

It's me, isn't it?

Of course it is

or you'd be talking.

We could just start again.

Honey?

Because I'm still quite hard.

Really.

It's completely firmed up down there.

Seriously.

- We could just...

- Please, please be quiet.

- I mean, could you guys be any happier?

- No.

- I mean, it. Look at this.

- No, no. Are you kidding?

No, this is... This place is...

This is heaven. Really, it is.

It's a dream house.

- This is the one, huh?

- Absolutely. No question.

I could see us here 20 years, easy.

Wow. I would love a spot like this.

- Really?

- Hm.

Hm. Interesting.

For the lady of the house.

- I thought we decided...

- It's nothing.

- Is it your birthday?

- No. He just likes to spoil me.

Well, good man.

Oh, honey, a watch.

No, you're not supposed to do that.

It's an antique. It's beautiful.

Hm.

- It's broken.

- That's OK. It's still very...

It's a bracelet, you see?

I mean, yes, it's stopped.

It's meant to.

It's for show.

You wear it as jewellery.

- Haven't you ever seen that?

- Erm... That's so sweet.

Yeah, I've seen that.

You just wear it.

You have?

- How would you know?

- What do you mean?

- Nothing.

- It's just a token.

- No. What?

- Maybe the person's watch had stopped.

Huh?

So, er, what's your point?

I'm not trying to be...

Just cos it's not working...

Their motive behind having it on...

that day...

How could you possibly know that?

That's all I'm saying.

Forget it.

- They're quite big in Europe.

- You'd know.

- It's beautiful.

- You'd know.

- Sorry I didn't get you anything.

- No problem.

Look, I'm just... I was just...

Forget it.

Why would you wear a watch

that doesn't work? Unless you meant to.

Why would you do that?

Let's just forget...

I was just trying to...

I do not get you at all.

Always with the semiotics.

I mean, it's a gift.

It's not f***ing Medea.

Can it just be what it is?

It's a bracelet.

Sh*t.

Sorry.

- Is that gold?

- Yeah.

Plate, I think.

Oh.

- We don't do this enough.

- No, we don't.

- Do you want more wine to go with...

- Yeah.

I opened that other bottle

in the kitchen.

- OK.

- I'll get it.

Watch it. This is doe skin, remember?

Yeah. I bought it for you, remember?

- What?

- Nothing.

This stuff stains really...

Don't rub it in like that.

You kind of blot it.

- That's a little better.

- Thanks.

This place really is great.

Thanks.

- I can't believe it was May that we...

- Yeah, yeah.

We loved seeing you in that play.

- Oh...

- That was...

Thank you. Right.

I don't know how you guys do that.

Getting up in front of all those people.

Shakespeare...

is a gift really.

It's...

- So, how are things?

- Good.

- You?

- Oh, you know, we're fine.

Hm-mm. Great. Us too.

Listen, I need to ask you something.

Can I call you?

Could we get together some time?

You want...

Whenever. You tell me.

Should I get these? The big ones?

- Yeah, get the big ones.

- For the mousse.

So, what should I do with these?

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