Yours, Mine and Ours

In a few short hours,

I was going into combat...

...against my own children.

Anyone who has a child

knows what I'm talking about.

That's the real war:

Our generation against theirs.

Standing on that deck,

surrounded by thousands of men...

...I suddenly felt smaller and lonelier

than I'd ever felt in my life.

I'd been through this same Golden Gate

when Frances had died...

...and I'd come home

on emergency leave.

Now I was back for good.

I'd left more than my heart

in San Francisco:

Ten children, to be exact.

As we sailed under that bridge, I didn't

know I was passing under my future...

...because while I was going home

to face my family...

...Helen was bringing hers

to a new life in a new city.

And don't think I wasn't frightened.

I had become a Navy widow.

I thought it was a good idea

to get a fresh start...

...where the surroundings

wouldn't remind me of Dick.

But four of my surroundings

looked exactly like him.

What troubled me more

than anything...

...was the kids seemed more upset

about leaving their friends in Seattle...

...than by the loss of their father.

It took me a long time to learn

how little I knew about children...

...especially my own.

As the ship sailed into the bay,

I took a good look around...

...because I knew I'd completed

my last tour aboard her.

My brother and his wife

had been taking care of my kids...

...but now it was Daddy's turn.

So I started down the gangplank...

...certain I was doing the right thing...

...nobly sacrificing myself

for my children...

...giving up my world for theirs.

Pulling away forever from ships

and oceans and homecomings...

...to take up shore duty.

Papa came marching home...

...secure in the knowledge

that they needed me...

...and would be overjoyed

I'd come back to take care of them.

But they controlled

their feelings beautifully.

It was the sort of welcome

that could make any father...

...review his position on

the entire question of birth control.

Incredible as it may sound,

they blame me...

...for neglecting their mother

all those years.

But it seemed to me

there was enough physical evidence...

...that I hadn't

neglected her completely.

What they really couldn't understand

was why I was allowing my brother...

...and his wife to take Germaine

and Joan away from the family.

Here you go, baby.

Come on, come with Uncle Howard.

Oh, you couldn't take care of

two little babies, Frank. Not yet.

They'll be happier with us for a while.

I hope you can learn

to manage the rest.

You've hardly been home long enough

to learn their names.

I'm home now. I'll manage.

Don't you worry.

Goodbye, pumpkin. Bye, baby.

Don't give them any trouble.

If you live through this...

...the Navy's going to have to get

a new kind of medal for you.

- Good luck, Frank.

- Good luck. You're gonna need it.

- Goodbye, Joan. Goodbye, Germaine.

- Goodbye.

Well, let's get something to eat.

They're not going to an orphanage,

you know.

They'll be half a mile away.

You can see them any time.

Susan, Louise, come on.

It's only until I get things

straightened out here.

And then what? You planning on

auctioning off the rest of us?

Where would I find a bidder? Come on,

in the kitchen. Let's get dinner.

Which one of us do you wanna cook?

The war was on.

I put an ad in the paper

for a housekeeper that brought results.

The first one lasted an entire day.

The second one lasted seven days.

We discovered she was hiding

from the police.

After a week with us,

she turned herself in.

No wonder men go down

to the sea in ships.

I'd have gone back in a life raft.

I had rented an ideal house

close to the Navy base...

...so I could work part-time

in the dispensary, close to the school...

...close to the playground and a little

too close to the boy next door.

I was broad-minded about it, though.

I was gonna give that boy

two more seconds...

...before I went out there

and broke it up.

I hate ants. I hate ants. I hate ants!

Come on, this is really stupid.

Listen, what are you doing? What

are you...? You hate ants. Never mind.

Now, that belongs to her.

What is the matter with you?

You've been acting like this all week.

Mother, how's a person

supposed to hear?

Colleen, I'd like to know what's going

on between you and that boy.

And I don't care if he does look like

Paul Newman.

- Is the spanking over?

- No, it is not over.

Listen, what's gotten into you lately?

Where is that good little boy

that used to live here?

I'll never be a good boy again.

I'm never gonna be good.

I don't wanna die.

What are you talking about?

Nicky told me that the good die young,

and that's why Daddy died.

You can hit me and you can hit me,

but I'll never be a good boy again.

Funny. Beginning

of the school year...

...had never been a problem

to Frances.

The girls passed their dresses down

from one to another...

...and it all sort of came out even.

Have you ever been 5 years old

and forced to appear in public...

...in a dress that had three former

owners, restyled by an old sail maker?

Five years old and no future at all.

And then one day, Frank and I just

happened to run into each other.

I'd been wrapped up in my children

for so long that getting this close...

...to an attractive woman set my

early warning radar pulsing frantically.

I was glad to have a reason

for a second look myself.

You requisition those Fresnel lenses?

I'll answer that tomorrow.

The working day has ceased.

Just starting for me.

Drop me at the house.

Frank, do you realise

that at this very hour...

...the Officers' Club is jam-packed

with two-legged goodies.

We owe it to our brethren at sea

to do unto others...

...as they would

if they had our chance.

Darrell, it may come as a shock...

...but there are other things

besides girls.

Yeah, women.

Now, don't tell me

it isn't on your mind.

Any fella who has 10 children

just doesn't quit cold turkey.

And if you'd only just...

Why don't you watch where you're...

Oh, hello.

Hi.

Well, old Sam the hermit gets out

of the cave once in a while, huh?

She had my Cream of Wheat

and I had her Post Toasties.

- What?

- Saw her at the commissary, that's all.

Frank, what's wrong with you?

You gonna be an old maid

the rest of your life?

You really think that's what Frances

would've wanted?

Probably not, but give me time.

Time?

You're a borderline case already.

You may only have a few more

cruises left in you.

- Come on in. I'll buy you a beer.

- I thought you'd never ask me.

You can stop worrying about me.

Things are looking up.

I finally found a housekeeper

who seems to have staying power.

Soon I'll ask you to loan me

your little black book, but right now...

Where you going, Mrs. Anderson?

Mrs. Anderson was last week.

I'm Mrs. Ferguson,

and you can mail me my check.

She left her broomstick.

All right, what happened this time?

Who did what to Mrs. Ferguson?

All right, one at a time.

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