Yours, Mine And Ours Page #2

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Okay,

but hold off on that eight-kid thing.

Why?

Because that's a minimum third-date,

second-bottle-of-wine announcement.

Hey, you know, believe it or not,

i have been on a few dates before...

a couple of decades ago.

- Admiral?

- Yeah.

Ethan, do you know

that you can call me dad?

Oh. Admiral, is this lady gonna be

our new mom?

- I don't think so. It's just a blind date.

- She can't see?

Can she navigate using sonar,

like a bat?

Hey, why don't you guys go swimming

in the bathtub?

- Aye, aye, sir.

- Go ahead.

- I get the boat.

- Uh-uh, you get the duck.

- You get the duck.

- No.

Let's just give her a little hint

of what's underneath.

You know, christina, sometimes

i wonder where you came from.

Mom's side.

- Don't wait up.

- I won't.

And so otter, he says, "is she blind?"

And ely wants to know if you're a bat.

Because...

would you like red or white?

- Red.

- Red it is.

Darrell would drink beer with everything.

I mean, if he could have

a keg with dinner, he would.

- Would you like to order? Waiter?

- Sure.

- I'll be right back.

- Sure.

See? Now that is the kind of thing

that would drive darrell crazy.

"You're here now," he'd say,

"so take our order!"

You talk about darrell a lot.

Well, yeah.

We were married for seven years.

He didn't tell you that?

Must have slipped his mind.

Yeah, well, that's just like him.

I'm gonna go hit the head.

Thank you so much.

- Helen?

- Frank.

- Helen?

- Frank.

- Helen?

- Frank beardsley.

- Well, what are you...

- what are you...

- no, you first.

- No, you go first.

- Well, i'm having dinner with my...

- hi, frank. Max algrant.

Pleased to meet you.

So, what are you doing back here?

- Sit down, sit down.

- Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Well, i've been back here forever.

I didn't want my kids growing up

in the whole...

you know,

new york money-status thing.

- Yeah, that thing. That's right.

- Yeah.

- So, are you in town for the reunion?

- No. I'm...

i moved my family back here.

I'm running the coast guard academy.

- I'm an admiral.

- Yeah.

- That's why i'm wearing the uniform.

- Yeah.

- An admiral. Whoa.

- Yeah.

With a family.

- Well, you, too. It's great. I mean...

- yeah.

- We're ready.

- Okay. Well...

- it's great to see you again.

- Good to see you.

Okay, bye.

Were you distracted

by his good-conduct medal?

Shut up, max.

Helen white.

"16,137 results."

This internet is so darn easy.

Oh, god. He's married.

So how'd it go with claudia?

She's quite a catch, huh?

Yeah. It's amazing you ever let her go.

She mentioned she's my ex-wife,

did she?

Yeah, it came up.

What, did you ask for references?

You know, just 'cause she hates me

is no reason you two couldn't work out.

You know who i ran into

at the restaurant?

- Uh-uh.

- Helen white.

Ring a bell? Ding-ding?

Helen white? Wait a minute.

The helen white?

The one you were gonna marry?

Well, it's either fate or trouble.

She looked great,

but i think she's married.

She was with some guy,

and she had a ring.

Okay, that's trouble.

Come on, frank, what are you thinking?

I don't know.

I was up all night. I was googling her.

Jeez, frank,

you googled another man's wife?

Yeah. What do you think that means?

I don't know. Something dirty.

Well, it's not.

I just wish there was a place

i could run into her again.

Remember the senior-class picnic

down by the river?

- The thunderstorm?

- Yeah.

Everybody screaming.

Then we crawled under the rowboat.

Oh, yeah.

And then, even when it stopped raining,

we didn't come out.

Yeah.

Anyway, that max...

he's a lucky guy.

Max? You think i'm with max? No.

But you're wearing a wedding ring.

Yeah, no, i am. I just never took it off.

My husband passed away

about four years ago.

Car accident.

Oh, i'm sorry. I understand. I...

i lost my wife a few years ago.

Oh, frank, i'm sorry.

Flashback!

Frank and helen holding hands.

- So cute.

- You wanna dance?

So, how many kids do you have?

How many kids do you have?

You first.

Okay, look,

you're gonna find out eventually...

because there's too many

to hide in the closet.

I have eight kids.

I have 10.

- You have 10?

- I have 10.

- You don't.

- I do. I have 10.

- Did you say 10?

- Yeah.

I had four and we adopted six.

I mean, that wasn't the plan.

We were foster parents,

and we just fell in love with all of them...

so we adopted.

- Probably seems crazy.

- You don't have to explain to me.

I mean, i never thought

that i'd love being a dad this much.

My wife, she was the one

who wanted the big family.

But now it just seems

like the most natural thing in the world.

Is this really happening?

I hope so.

So then i asked her to marry me.

- And i said yes.

- What?

It was spontaneous and so romantic.

- How could you do this?

- We don't even know this guy!

You got married?

- Without telling us?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Sir, at least when you were reassigned

to guam, there was an e-mail.

Does he know you have 10 kids?

- Who wants the talking stick first?

- May i have it, please?

Yes, jimi.

- Are you crazy?

- Yeah, mom.

We don't even know him, mom!

Okay. Quiet. I have the talking stick.

He's a lovely, lovely man.

And i'm sorry that we didn't include you.

And he has...

ten kids?

Hey, guys.

No. There's no way. Let's make this...

guys!

Lt'll be fun...

having 10 new brothers and sisters.

Okay, come on, guys. Come on,

come on, group hug. Come on.

- Come on.

- Okay.

It's gonna be fun.

But where will we live?

Hey, mick, come down here.

Come on, fiona.

Okay. Head count. We've got...

plus the pig.

All present and accounted for.

Before you make your break

for the bedroom...

could you point me to my billet?

Behind the kitchen, mrs. Munion.

How do you like the place?

- It has a certain...

- charm.

...smell.

Like paprika with a hint of wet dog.

We're really glad you like the place.

Okay. Okay.

- Crew!

- Kids!

All right, then. All right, kids.

Fall in for billeting!

- For what?

- Room assignments.

All eyes on the chart.

Your rooms are numbered.

Your bathroom schedules

are color-coded.

- You've gotta be kidding.

- Yeah, right.

That's a good thing. It's great...

because we all need

a little bit of organization.

We do, honey. You did a beautiful job.

Great.

Mom gets married, we get drafted.

Get back, fiona. Get back here. Fiona.

Hey, what's that badge for?

It's pretty cool.

- Animal skinning.

- Mom!

- Done!

- You have an illness.

- Hey! What are you doing?

- It's called decorating.

- No, that's called vandalism.

- Whatever.

Okay.

- No way.

- No way.

Come back, fiona! Come back!

Spit it. Spit it out!

- Come on, spit it out.

- What is going on?

Come on, give it to me.

Where's my cell phone?

You are so dead.

She's just a pig.

Not the pig. You.

Mom, the cheerleader's after me!

Run, fiona!

Kids!

Admiral!

Sounds like they're bonding.

That doesn't sound like bonding to me,

frank.

- They just need a little jump-start.

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