Youth in Revolt Page #2

That's right.

Well, I trust, sir,

you are aware that in doing so...

...you have entered into

an oral contract...

...to perform in loco parentis...

...i. e., to provide for

the safety and welfare...

...of aforementioned minor female.

- Ready?

- Very ready.

Bye, Father.

Goodbye, Mr. Saunders.

Would you mind applying this

to my exposed areas?

Sure.

You get turned on easily.

Don't stop, Nick. It's only natural.

Girls are fortunate

in that it doesn't show.

For all the world knows...

...my vagina could be moist

with desire as we speak.

Is it?

Should we do my front now?

Okay.

I'm up for it.

Thank you.

What's your last name?

Dillinger.

Twisp.

Sheeni Saunders.

She's complicated, mischievous

and at this point...

...I'd be willing to give up

everything in my life to be with her.

Nick, you're very nice,

but I should tell you I have a boyfriend.

Oh, I see.

His name is Trent.

We've been together

for a while, actually.

What's he like?

He's 17...

...6'2", fluent in French...

...plays the piano,

is a champion swimmer...

...and writes futurist

percussive poetry.

Oh, I'm not familiar with

futurist percussive poems.

I could recite one of Trent's,

if you'd like.

Please do.

Ram dam 12

Sizzle mop

Crunch down

Safety net

Hot, hot, hot

Void

Well, that certainly sounds like

a poem.

Jeez, he sounds great.

Well, you know, I also have

a sweetheart for the moment, so...

Really? What's her name?

Her name is Martha Singwall.

She's 16.

She's got toasted almond hair, so...

She's only just recently returned

from Nice...

...where she's been conducting

sociological research...

...on the assimilation problems

of Italian immigrant workers...

...down there.

She's also a professional model

that specializes in lingerie.

She likes me quite a bit.

She tells me that she loves my hair.

- She sounds wonderful.

- Yes, I think you'd like her, Sheeni.

Trent sounds great, too,

aside from being freakishly tall.

He certainly does seem to have

a knack for...

...smashing ungraceful words

together...

...and deeming it a poem.

Well, thanks for a lovely day, Nick.

Don't mention it.

I think of this girl being swept away

by some pretentious poet...

...and it crushes me.

She could never like me.

Unless I decided to radically change

every detail of my personality...

...I'm going to die a virgin.

- Nick?

- Sheeni, nice to see you.

I was going for a walk

and thought I'd drop by.

I remembered that you lived here.

I'm sorry I got upset about Trent.

It was immature.

I'm not normally like that.

He sounds like a great guy.

I'd love to hear more of his poetry.

Do you wanna go to the beach?

Or get breakfast?

Actually, I'm going on a hike.

I'd ask you to come...

...but you haven't got boots,

provisions, maps or a compass.

I do all my hiking freeform. Like

John Muir, I enter the wilderness...

...with nothing more than my journal

and a child-like sense of wonder.

What the hell is going on?

This is a private journal.

Trent is not an affected twit.

Sheeni, how would you like it

if I read your journal?

Go ahead.

It's written in a shorthand

of my own devising.

A necessity for a girl

with Christian parents.

What does this say?

Wouldn't you like to know?

That last passage would be

of particular interest to you.

I doubt that.

I have very little interest in reading

about Trent's beautiful shoulders.

I haven't made love with Trent,

if that's what you wanna know.

I've only made love once

and it was less than erotic.

But I hear it gets better with practice.

You're a virgin. I can tell.

Kiss me, you weenie.

Sheeni, I think I love you.

Of course you do.

Well, your hormones certainly do.

Sheeni.

Yes, Mother. I'm just here with Nick.

Let's see this young heathen.

Hello, Mrs. Saunders.

It's nice to meet you.

I doubt that very much.

- See you tomorrow, Nick.

- Okay. Goodbye, Sheeni.

Goodbye, Mrs. Saunders.

Look into your soul, young man,

before it's too late.

I will.

Jerry sniffed out a trailer

he wants to buy...

...and insisted we go check it out.

I told Sheeni I was going to

write a book about her.

She said it was a terrible idea.

Jerry, all the closets

are full of mouse doodies.

- I might take 950.

- Nine hundred.

- Nine-ten.

- We're in business.

Oh, come here.

Come here, come here.

Hello. Hello.

Nicky, look, isn't he cute?

He's adorable.

How much?

Ten dollars.

All I have is a Subway card

with four stickers.

Sold.

Thank you, Nicky.

I think I'm going to name him Albert.

After Albert Camus.

That night was my first indisputable

make-out session with a girl.

After grappling in the warm darkness

with Sheeni...

...I found this note in my back pocket.

I thought she had been

caressing my ass.

Dear Nick.

Please excuse me

for reading your journal.

I have found that people

who can resist temptation...

...invariably lead

depressingly stunted lives.

Naturally I was charmed

by what you wrote about me.

Your contemplation of suicide

and your invention of Martha...

...cannot help but evoke a strong

emotional response in my breast.

We are both young.

Let's just live

and what happens will happen.

Yours affectionately, Sheeni.

I have to leave today.

Jerry threw his back out last night

in bed with my mother...

...so he has to be reunited with

his painkillers back in Oakland.

We're leaving in an hour.

So this will be goodbye.

Goodbye.

You don't have to act so brave,

Sheeni.

I wouldn't judge you

if you started to cry.

No, Nicky. It's Albert.

He snuck out of my room last night.

When I woke up,

he had shredded the family Bible.

My parents took it as a sign of evil.

Now I have to find someone

who will take him.

- Well, I'll take him.

- You will?

I'll have to hide him from my mother

because she can't stand dogs...

...but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

He's our lovechild.

Sheeni, I can't stand

the thought of you...

...falling in love with some

egotistical poet while I'm gone.

I've had a great time with you.

It was a really lovely summer fling.

But I can't put my whole life on hold.

You don't even live here.

But we could run away together.

We can escape our families...

...live like outlaws together.

No offense, Nicky,

but it's not exactly in your constitution.

What if my dad could get a job here

in Ukiah and I come live with him?

My mother depends on

the child-support money...

...but maybe I could get kicked out.

That's a lot of what-ifs.

Do you think you could help me find

some job opportunities for my dad?

It's possible.

We can do this, Sheeni.

This can happen.

Well, look at you

taking control of the situation.

I'll do whatever I have to do.

I've never had anything in my life

that I wanted to fight for so much.

Then we'll have to figure out a way

for you to be kicked out.

You have to be bad, Nicky.

Be very, very bad.

I have a tall mountain to climb...

...with many treacherous glaciers

to cross.

But finally I've obtained an entry visa

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