Zaman: The Man from the Reeds Page #2

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I say we follow them to the pub.

If it all goes tits-up, we'll blame him.

- Push left.

- I am pushing left.

Go the other side, mate.

Food for the workers.

Here we go, this should help

keep the flies off.

- Couple of shots.

- Now that's what I'm talking about.

- Has someone farted?

- It stinks.

It's methane, from under the mud.

- Methane?

- Yeah.

Yeah, this whole area used to be

a peat bog, and then in the Middle Ages,

they dug it up for fuel,

and then I think it was the 16th...

- No, it was the 17th century.

- Yeah.

It all flooded 'cause the sea level was rising.

Right, but this is the most diverse

wildlife area

- in the whole of Britain.

- All right, bore off.

Stick that brochure up your ass. Mel!

Stop filing your nails

and get your fanny up here.

Did somebody mention cocktails?

That is class.

- You're not going to eat all of this.

- What do you think?

- Grab your glass. Here, grab your glass.

- Okay. Thank you.

Okay, could you all

raise your glasses, please?

To Joe and Hels, the nicest people I know.

- The only people you know.

- Thanks, love.

Just congratulations.

They do love you, too. Thank you.

We're sharing the love.

- You're joking.

- Yeah.

Guys, there's people over there.

Maybe they can help us.

Hello? Excuse me?

- Excuse me?

- Hello!

We're trying to get through

to the main waterway.

No, no. No, guys, it's those kids again.

Speak up, you f***ing glue-heads.

What's the matter with you?

- Chris!

- No, but look at them.

- Sorry, just ignore him.

- No, don't bother.

- I'm going to have a word with these kids.

- Chris!

- Babe, get back on.

- Chris! Chris!

- Chris!

- Chris!

If you want to get laid again this year,

you're gonna get your arse

back on this boat.

- F***.

- Sh*t.

- Sorry.

- Bloody Chris.

He goes so over the top sometimes.

- Babe, listen.

- Chris!

Right. You take care of him.

I'll check her out.

God.

Where'd they go?

Must have legged it.

Yeah, but where to?

F***ing reeds.

F***ing...

What sort of f***ing barbecue is that?

Chris!

Chris, can you hear me?

He better not be pissing around.

Chris!

- What?

- Did you see the kids?

Just a dead dog.

- Nice.

- Yeah.

Little bastards tried to burn it.

There must have been a bunker somewhere,

they heard me coming.

I did... I did see to see through a bit,

and it seems to widen out, so...

- Well, that's a relief.

- Yeah.

Jesus, mate, your finger's all cut.

Yeah, it's them reeds.

Sharper than you think.

Yeah, well, why don't you let Laura

take a look at it? She's a first-aider.

All right.

Yeah, I mean, it looks pretty deep.

Go downstairs, wash it with some alcohol,

and I'll come down in a minute

and bandage it up.

That it?

Well, you know,

if you really want to make it better,

you can try and apologize to Helen.

She is pretty upset.

Whatever you say, Doc.

Thanks, Laura.

Listen, why don't you guys go down?

Looks like it's gonna rain anyway.

What a bloody disaster.

Thank you.

Joe! Joe, why don't you come down here

and have a glass of wine?

It's freezing up there.

It's okay. I think it might be easing slightly.

I'll just see what's out the other side

of this lagoon.

Another f***ing lagoon, if I'm any judge.

Come on, you.

What happened to the fun-loving guy

we started out with?

He's just lost 20 quid to the lowest straight

a man's ever seen, that's what.

Do you want to call it a day, champ?

What do you think?

- How about a change of game, guys?

- Yes.

I think that's such a good idea.

I have Scrabble.

- Great.

- Scrabble?

- Yes.

- Brilliant.

- I love Scrabble.

- Yes.

Mel, you can't even spell Scrabble,

let alone play it. Shut up.

Come on. Let's have this.

All right, well, I roll 20.

God, if my cards were any better,

I tell you, I'd cry.

- Just stop with the crap.

- Here's 20,

and here's another 20.

And why don't you match it?

Let's see how big your balls are.

I know you got naught.

Come on, guys.

Just make this the last hand, yeah?

Shut up. You're not his mother.

All right, don't f***ing talk to her like that.

I'll talk to her... Who the f***

are you talking to, by the way?

I've had enough! That's it.

Helen!

- What was that?

- What is wrong with you?

You really are a f***ing prick.

Love you, too.

Let's call it a day, mate.

I think this game's over.

You having a laugh?

Okay, listen. Listen. Hey.

Listen, you want to call it a day,

you fold, right?

Otherwise, you pay me. Come on, big man.

Did you hear that?

What, are you f***ing arse twitching?

You're the dealer. Come on.

Shut up a minute. I heard something.

Hey, guys!

Can someone bring me up a flashlight?

Yeah, sure. I'll get it.

Does anyone know where it is?

What are you up to, you little pot-head?

Sit down and...

Shut up, seriously.

Jesus! Sh*t!

- I think I saw something.

- Yeah, I think you did. My cards.

You know what? I told you.

I told you today,

- don't try and take the piss...

- Chris, don't.

He's joking,

will you calm down?

- Don't touch me.

- Don't!

F***'s sake! What's going on down there?

Jesus!

Is everyone all right?

Are you all right?

We must...

Must have hit a rock or something.

- Guess again.

- You okay?

- Oh, my God.

- What's wrong?

- Mel, stay where you are.

- What's wrong?

- What's up?

- Don't...

- No, no. No, Mel! Mel!

- Stay.

No, Mel. Stay!

God! God!

We're not moving.

Stop moving. You're making it worse.

- All right! All right!

- Calm down!

Mel, edge back towards me.

- Edge back towards me!

- All right. All right!

- Keep going.

- You're gonna be fine, Chris.

Laura, slide in there. See what you can do.

I'll balance you out. Go on.

Hels, you need to find a phone.

- Okay.

- We need to get some help out here.

- I've got one.

- What?

Thanks. Just chuck it over.

Stay where you are, yeah.

Stay where you are.

Sh*t. Babe, I don't know what to do.

I can't get any reception on this phone.

- No. No. Don't.

- It's all right.

Has anyone got a handset?

Another handset?

In my cabin, Helen. There's one.

There's a phone in my cabin.

Stop f***ing moving!

Don't f***ing move!

I've got a signal! I've got a signal.

Well?

F***! It's gone.

- Is that you again, Doc?

- Yeah.

How are you feeling?

I feel like a f***ing kebab.

- Can you get it out of him?

- No. I don't think we should try.

We don't know what this thing hit

on the way through,

and right now, it could be the only thing

restricting the bleeding.

Besides, whatever it is,

it's still attached underneath the boat.

Sh*t. I'm gonna have to go over the side.

Do you still need that flashlight?

No, it's fine. Mel, we need some towels.

- Towels.

- Helen, towels! Towels!

Listen, Chris,

I promise you,

I'm gonna get you out of here.

Laura! Laura, take these.

It'll be okay, won't it?

- It'll be okay?

- Of course.

- God, no.

- Keep going.

Go on, go up.

Just keep calm.

I feel I might be... I'll be okay.

Just inch back.

- You stay here and point at the water.

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