Zapped! Page #3

What's all the racket up here?

Who were you talking to?

Nobody. I was just talking to myself.

My God. What...

Who's that in your bed?

Mom?

Oh, listen, I'm going for a burger.

I won't be long.

- Wake up. Wake up.

- What?

Barney's dummy.

- The dummy, it attacked.

- Calm down.

Now, calm down.

Now, did you have your 8:00 Valium?

Well, there you go.

Oh, prune juice.

Edgar. You got it, too.

Edgar. Edgar, don't try to push me around.

Now you better mind your manners,

you little sh*t.

- Hi, Barney.

- Hi.

What are you doing? What is that for?

I thought we'd start by testing

your power for controlled distance

on substances

with different physical properties.

Bernadette, you don't know a thing

about science. I mean...

You can't be the subject

of your own experiment.

Now, just see if you can empty

the air out of that can.

Very good. Now, see if you can empty

the water out of the tank.

Come here.

Very imaginative.

Now, we know from last night that

you can move solids, so we conclude

that your telekinetic power works

on all three states of matter.

Hi, Peyton.

Hey, what's going on?

Barney, we got a game to go to.

- Oh, right.

- Oh, well, we've been conducting

a little research, but I was just leaving.

Bye, Barney.

Look, next time, ask me first

before you barge in here, okay?

Okay. Sorry.

Gotta keep her under wraps.

It's the power. It's...

Yeah, I know, it's scary.

You know, I had an idea.

If you don't wanna do it, I understand.

Just because we're best friends for life.

- What is it?

- I knew you'd drag it out of me.

Play ball.

The Emerson Penguins take the field.

On the mound for Emerson,

Peyton Nichols.

Hey, looks like we're a little short

on the bench today, Dex.

Alan, take your finger out of your nose.

What'd I tell you about that sh*t?

Now suck it.

Suck it.

First up for the Tigers,

playing shortstop,

number four, Deke Davis.

What an amazing hop.

Now batting for the Tigers, their pitcher

and the league's leading hitter,

Nathan "Too Mean" Levine.

There's a shot.

It's a home run.

Top of the first, the Tigers lead, 1-nothing.

- Sorry about that.

- That's okay, pal.

Let's just keep it cool

until the ninth inning like we said.

You're out!

You're out. Strike three.

Hold on there, Ump.

I got a pinch hitter coming in.

No. No, Dex. He was your pinch hitter.

You used him in the seventh inning,

and now you have

nobody else left except me.

Besides, nobody else even touched

"Too Mean" anyway.

Oh, come on, Dex, you promised me.

Please? You promised.

- Go right on now.

- Thanks.

Now batting for Emerson,

Barney Springboro.

What an amazing game.

It had it all,

incredible fielding, pitching, clutch hitting.

And the final score, 3-1,

Emerson Penguins.

Thanks, Dex.

If I only knew. You know something?

We could have been contenders.

We did it. Can you believe it?

- You were great.

- I couldn't have done it without you.

Oh, that was nothing.

What do you say

we celebrate at my house?

Forget it.

Oh, Robert. Good game, huh?

Typical high school stuff, though.

You would have been eaten alive

in college ball.

Oh. Yeah, I'm sure you'd know about that,

wouldn't you?

Are you going to the Senior Day?

To Magic Land?

That kid stuff is a little gooish for me.

Oh, yeah, well, they do have

the scariest roller coaster in the world.

- Of course I rode it standing up last time.

- You would.

- See you around.

- Jerk.

Did you smell that guy?

Let's get out of here.

- Hey. That's the jerk that made us lose.

- Yeah, you little weasel.

Okay, pal. Kiss this.

- Sh*t.

- Sh*t.

Who is this guy?

- Hey!

- Hey!

Oh, Dexter, do you have

your pass key on you?

- Sure do, Mr. C. What do you need?

- My key doesn't seem to work in this lock.

We all seem to have that same problem

some time or another, don't we?

Hello, sir. Hello, Mr. Jones.

How are we today?

Just fine, Miss Burnhart.

You see, now this door has a special lock,

and Barney's got the key.

Maximum security for them flowers.

Thank you, Dexter.

I'll speak to Barney about this.

How is Barney's experiment

coming along?

That's what I can't seem to find out.

Everything is so secretive.

I want to see what's in there.

Barney? Barney, look.

I'm sorry I barged in the other day.

Maybe I've been too pushy,

but you just can't shut me out.

I can help. Can't we just talk?

- Okay.

- Great.

Now, I promise I won't do this if you

don't want to, so don't get mad, okay?

But please don't say no.

It'll be great for both of us, I swear.

All right, all right. What is it?

Okay, my sister knows someone

at a research journal,

and if we can continue our experiments,

she can publish our findings.

Hey, you know, that's a very good idea.

Oh, I knew you'd feel this way, Barney.

Isn't it exciting?

- Yeah. I'll talk to Peyton about it.

- Peyton? What for?

Well, he's sort of got all these plans for us.

You know, like selling the Ultra Grow,

that sort of stuff.

Figures. Another scientist sells out.

No, listen, someday,

I mean, I can get my own...

Oh, my.

Well, how rich does Peyton think

you'll get in jail?

I'm ruined.

- I can't believe this.

- Come on.

Yes, Miss Updike?

Look, today's Bachelor Bait. I'm sorry, sir,

but there is no response to your ad today.

I can't stand this waiting.

I knew that I shouldn't have admitted

that I was a high school principal.

They all probably assume I'm a dud.

Oh, I think it's best

to be honest from the start.

Excuse me, sir,

but I just learned something so shocking.

Oh, I can't stand to see them

make a fool of you, sir.

What is it, Miss Burnhart?

Barney's lab.

- It's...

- It's what?

It's... Come with me, sir.

I hope this is important, Miss Burnhart.

Well, here they are.

What's the problem, Miss Burnhart?

Yes, what is it?

But there was marijuana there. I saw it.

I think you smoked it, Miss Burnhart.

I appreciate you showing me the orchid,

Miss Burnhart,

but sneaking through windows

does not exemplify the sort of behavior

we try to impart to our students.

Good grief.

Oh, Dexter, I was...

Security check.

Got lucky, hey, Walt?

No, no, Dexter.

It's not what you think at all.

I sure hope not,

but I'll be saying my prayers for you,

just in case.

God knows I tried.

Oh, Dexter.

- Walter.

- Keep this to yourself, okay?

Always do.

I got a file in my head two feet thick

about a whole lot of things you do

that I keep to myself.

I'll be a son-of-a-gun.

Hurry up.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

It's too big. It doesn't fit.

We don't have all day,

Barney. Faster.

- Here, that's the last of it.

- Thank goodness.

- Barney.

- Dex.

What are you doing here?

- Oh, nothing. I just thought I would...

- You got yourself a good catch here.

Barney's gonna be

a famous scientist some day.

Oh, well, thanks, Dex.

- We'll see you later.

- Bye.

Next time, take her someplace decent.

That was close.

Wow.

Yeah.

Where am I? Barney? Is that you?

Barney is working with me now, Dex.

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