Zapped! Page #4

Mr. Einstein.

I'm feeling strange.

Someone's putting some sh*t on my mind.

Sounds like too many chilidogs, Dex.

You have to learn to relax.

Chilidogs are what I need to relax.

Salami, too,

but my old lady won't let me have them.

I ride a bike to relax, Dex.

Can you ride?

- You see, Dex, it is not so hard, is it?

- No, it ain't so bad after all.

Dex.

Dexter Jones. Bow-legged sap sucker.

Here comes the devil and

the four black stallions after my ass.

That's it. I found you. You can't hide

nothing from me, Dexter Jones.

You ugly spasm.

- Who is that, Dex?

- That's my wife.

Found out where I hid

the salami in the garage.

- You'd better be making tracks, Dex.

- You ain't shitting, Mr. Einstein.

This'll teach you.

Help me, Mr. Einstein! Barney!

Help me!

Back on Earth.

What a drag.

Nobody even got to enjoy the stuff.

All that research down the drain.

- Better than his life down the drain.

- Well, we had to do it, Peyton.

Oh, it's no big deal.

I mean, this is small-time

compared to what you can do

with your you-know-what.

Well, I've gotta go. See you around, guys.

Bernadette...

- See you.

- Sure.

Jane, you're slouching.

Beautiful!

Great.

I want that one right there.

- You're full of it, man.

- Maybe.

- Did you see Robert's face, poor guy?

- He deserved it.

I suppose.

Getting a little tired of this kid stuff.

What kind of man are

you anyways, Peyton?

Why, I'm a man's man, Robert.

What'd you have in mind?

Okay, that's a 12-pack each.

Can we go now, you guys?

Sure thing. Let's go.

- You ready, buddy?

- Ready, Freddie.

Don't you call me that.

You call me that again and I'll kill you.

Freddie is

Robert's disowned older brother.

He went away on big-game safari

to Africa and married a little Pygmy girl.

You guys are disgusting.

- First one to puke is a loser.

- Right. 100 bucks.

100 bucks.

- Hey, Peyton. Peyton.

- Barn!

What are you guys doing?

Can't you tell? They're stinking drunk.

Barn?

Is there something that you can do

to make him spin a little faster?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks, buddy, I appreciate it.

I wouldn't get involved in this

if I were you.

What are friends for?

Hey, Robert.

Hey, what's the matter, ace,

you got a problem?

Oh, my lunch.

Listen. Listen.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

Tell Peyton I'll pay him tomorrow.

- How are you feeling?

- I'm fine.

How's Robert?

Robert says you'll get

your money tomorrow.

I guess college didn't teach him

how to be such a good sport, huh?

Shouldn't we go get something to eat?

- Burgers?

- Yeah.

Well, do you think you could win me

one of those big pink panthers

to match the curtains in my bathroom?

Sure thing, come on.

Hey, Barn? What's the story

with you and Bernadette?

I don't know. We seem to be

getting along pretty well.

Boy, I'll tell you, that Jane's one nut

I'd really like to crack.

- Hi, Jane.

- Hi.

Where's Rob?

He wasn't feeling too well,

so he had to go home.

You seem a lot more mature

than that punk kid you're with.

Buzz off, pal, okay?

Hey, these guys giving you some trouble?

Everything's under control, thank you.

Hey, how old are you, buddy? Thirteen?

- You talking to me?

- Yeah, pal, he's talking to you.

- Are you talking to me?

- He already said he was, Barney.

Well, you must be talking to me.

- I'm the only one here.

- Where am I, Barn?

Enough of this sh*t.

Whoa!

Let's get out of here.

- Now that was exciting.

- Oh, it was nothing.

You were fantastic in there.

They were just messing

with the wrong guys.

You know, I hate to say it,

but I think the park is closing soon.

The only problem is we never got to eat.

Dinner? I accept.

You know, I'd just like to say that,

well, this is really nice.

Do you feel the same way?

So, this is your studio, huh?

Yeah, what do you think?

It's very interesting.

- Here we are.

- Maybe later, okay?

What's wrong?

Well, you know, Robert.

- He's taking me to Hawaii for graduation.

- I understand.

I don't want you to do anything

you don't want to.

You don't?

No. I have way too much respect

for you, Jane.

You do?

I didn't know you liked this kind of music.

I don't know.

Today's music just seems so juvenile.

I find that classical music helps me relax

when I really get uptight about things.

Really? What have you

got to be uptight about?

Yesterday I got my acceptance to Harvard.

So it's between there and Yale.

Only I can't decide

whether to go to pre-med or pre-law.

My dad, he wants me to go to business

college so that I can run his corporation.

You see, if I did that, then he said

he'd start paying me my salary,

after the classes start.

A salary?

Well, it's more like an allowance.

Just 100 grand a year.

Really? Go on.

I shouldn't be bothering you

with these things.

My own private hell.

Oh, no, that's okay. Really.

I feel like I've been going through

some changes lately,

like I'm becoming more mature.

You do seem more mature.

I'm sorry.

- What's wrong?

- I don't know what came over me.

It's okay.

Really.

JANE:
What was that?

PEYTON:
What was what?

That flash. Something flashed.

It must have been in your mind.

I guess that means something.

Do you remember that time

that Peyton scared Mrs. Smith

with that frog from biology class?

Yeah, yeah. I loaned him that frog.

I never got it back.

You know,

I'll kill you if you tell anybody this,

but I had a crush on Peyton in fifth grade.

Really?

- Did he know?

- Oh, no, no way.

I had three crushes a year till eighth grade,

and I never told any of them.

- How about you, Barney?

- What?

Who did you have a crush on?

Oh, nobody.

You're turning red, Barney.

Come on, you can tell me.

Well, I did have a crush on

Pamela Browning in the sixth grade.

Well, did you tell her? What happened?

She got pregnant, and they sent her away.

No, no.

Well, you just have to be careful, that's all.

Yeah.

So...

What do you wanna do tonight?

I don't know.

Watch TV, mess around,

whatever you wanna do.

Mess around sounds good.

That's my mom.

I'll walk you out.

Stop, stop. No. Please.

- Robert, feeling better?

- Yeah. There you go, it's all there.

Thanks. No hard feelings, right?

No, no hard feelings.

In fact, if you wanna try

some real gambling,

we got a roulette wheel at the frat house.

Roulette, huh? I'm sorry, Robert,

I think that's way out of my league.

I think you owe me a shot

at getting my money back.

Tomorrow night. How about it?

Well,

I got a feeling I'm gonna be real sorry.

- Okay, I'll be there.

- Good deal. I'll see you there.

- Okay.

- Sorry I'm late, Robert.

Yeah, come on, let's go.

- Jane, should we tell him about us?

- And ruin my trip to Hawaii? No way.

Look, whatever happened last night,

I faked every bit of it.

Jane.

That's why it was so good.

- Come on, what's the holdup?

- Oh, I'm coming, Robert.

It's here, boss. It's here.

Your response to your ad

in this morning's personals.

- Go on.

- She agrees to your plan.

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