Zee and Co. Page #3

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And there's me.

Why don't you take a lover?

Oh!

- Is that what you recommend?

- Yes, that's what I recommend.

I'll take care of the meals, the theatre

tickets, and any other expense he may incur.

But, darling, remember how jealous you get.

I mean, you go quite mad. You start ringing

people up and going through my things.

You check my panties.

And you come out in all

those little white spots.

It doesn't enhance you, you know.

Remember last month when I came

in that hire car to that bloody banquet?

And you were waiting for me on the steps.

All hot and bothered, weren't you?

Because I was sitting next to the driver

and it took me a moment to get out,

and you thought the worst.

You thought we were finishing something off,

didn't you?

And you had to have me

right then and there in the lane.

Didn't you?

- Didn't you?

- Get out of here, you slut!

(Key turns in lock)

And you love it! You love it, love it!

That's why you're still here!

You love the uncertainty!

You don't know what I did yesterday.

You don't know who I was with

or what I got up to.

You don't know what I'm gonna do today,

and nor do I.

Enjoy yourself!

Oh, I have, baby.

I had a thing with a doctor in Spain.

I love doctors.

He said to me,

"Shall I undress you like a doctor?"

He was very good-looking, very hard-working,

six children, busy.

His waiting room was full of patients.

E could hear them

on the other side of the wall.

We had to whisper.

But it didn't matter.

You couldn't hear his lips.

You couldn't hear him

touch me and caress me.

He was so gentle when he touched me.

He was panting.

He was panting,

panting.

Panting...

Panting...

And?

Oh, baby,

I don't wanna be the cause of all those

terrible white spotties, booboo-de-booboo.

You had it off with him on the floor,

didn't you?

Or maybe it was the couch,

the good, old utility couch,

with people on the other side!

Unfortunate people.

And you gave the doctor

one of your quick jabs.

You swept the unfortunate

man right off his feet.

It's a good job you can't conceive,

otherwise I would be

maintaining an orphanage!

But you always get them like that,

don't you, eh?

You always get them like that - a quick bang

before they know where they are.

A punch in the face, a whiff of ammonia.

But you don't keep them, do you?

You can't keep them.

You can't keep the love of a man, right?

- I'm keeping you, baby.

- Yes?

Well, oh, no, you're bloody well not!

You son of a b*tch!

(Rock music blares out)

And what the hell is going on now?

Well, I thought I'd go back to Spain

for a couple of days, get some sun,

maybe have a little physical checkup.

Oh, I suppose you think that's very funny?

I think we both need a vacation, chum.

- You just came back from Spain a week ago.

- That's right.

And you can tell that bag of bones of yours, she

can cancel that lousy dress I bought yesterday.

Where do you think I get the money for you

to go to Spain every time you feel like it?

(Southern accent)Quite frankly,

Scarlett, I don't give a sh*t!

If you ever get anything in your eye,

you put saltwater into it

and then you close your eye

and it makes it tear a lot.

Then the thing comes out.

- Couldn't you just cry?

- You mightn't be able to.

One of the boys in our dormitory

cries at night and eats nuts.

His parents are in Rio de Janeiro.

- I have to comfort him.

- How do you comfort him?

I say, "Pull yourself together, Chris!"

And things like that.

His name's really Crispin,

but he's called Chris.

Do you like school, Sean?

I like home better.

I hated school. All the boys at school

used to call me Muggins.

So I went out and I bought a hamster,

a vicious hamster with vicious teeth.

I took it into school

and I showed it to all the other boys.

And none of them

ever called me Muggins again.

Ell...

- I think you should go to bed. Come on.

- Oh, no!

- Come on! School tomorrow.

- Come off it!

Say good night to Mr. Blakeley.

- Good night, Sean.

- Sean!

- Good night.

- Good night, Oscar.

- Now, up. I won't be long.

- Come on, Oscar.

- Brush your teeth. Night.

- OK. Good night, Mummy.

- Night.

- Don't be long.

Will you sleep?

I hope so.

But I doubt it.

I hope you enjoyed my family.

- I'm sorry it wasn't much of an evening.

- Don't be sorry.

I think your boys are charming little men.

Where will you go now?

Home, I suppose.

When is she coming back?

I don't know.

She'll be away for a few days.

Tomorrow night,

my housekeeper will cook us dinner.

And we'll be alone,

the two of us, all right?

You must go.

Must I?

- Must I?

- Yes.

- Good night.

- Good night.

(Clears throat)

Say whatever it is you have come to say.

Mrs. Blakeley is downstairs.

- What?

- Your wife is downstairs.

My what is where?

Why the hell didn't you tell me before?

You said you didn't want to be disturbed.

- What time is it?

- 6:
30.

She got here before six.

She insisted I came to tell you.

Well, tell her I'm not here.

Tell her... Tell her I've gone away.

Tell her any damn thing!

I've already told her you were working

and didn't want to be disturbed.

You bungle everything, don't you?

Ell, would you like to tell her

that you were misinformed?

- No.

- No.

I thought you wouldn't. Damn it.

Well, would you do me one favor

and get your glasses repaired?

They're beginning to get on my nerves.

Both them and you!

Get a pair on the bloody National Health!

Do you think I've got money to burn

while you go flying off to Spain

for one night?

- Well, it was cold and it was wet.

- Well, if...

ZEE:
What the hell did you

expect me to do?

- Just sit there and...

- No.

...stare out of the window

and look at the rain?

No, I expected you to have some sense,

that's all.

Oh!

You must have had a rough day today.

No, I had a very good day.

Did you?

I tried to call you last night

to say I was sorry, but...

...there was no answer.

I was out.

Where do you want to eat?

Why, home, darling.

Home sweet home.

I don't think there's a lot to eat at home.

Oh, we'll find something.

We could go over to Gladys's.

She's having people to dinner.

I wouldn't dream of that, darling.

I just want to go home with you and relax.

Look...

- I think there's something I should tell you.

- Oh, later, darling, when we're home.

I'm too tired to listen even.

(Tires screech)

(Car horns)

(Rock music on stereo)

Oh, intimate.

Hors d'oeuvres.

How lovely!

What are we having?

Or should I say, who are we having?

And a note from our trusted housekeeper.

"Dear Sir Robert...

Sir?

You haven't been knighted yet, sweetie.

"The joint... is in the oven...

...and should be ready at 8:30.

Hope everything is to your satisfaction.

Yours truly, Bea Donovan".

Our ex-housekeeper hopes

everything is to your satisfaction.

Quite a wit, our Mrs. Thing,

when she puts pen to paper.

I always was warned off the Irish.

Really?

They speak very well of you.

(Doorbell)

Ha-ha! Ho-ho!

Our mystery caller.

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