Zee and Co. Page #4

---

It's no mystery to me, baby.

Bob, seriously,

would you...

would you like me to make myself scarce?

(Doorbell)

(Gasps) Why, if it isn't darling Stella!

Hat a lovely surprise.

Come in, come in, come in.

Let me take your cloak.

And what is that?

- Our first course.

- Ah!

Pt!

Did you make it yourself?

I bet you did, didn't you?

- Yes.

- Ah, you see.

I told you she would know how to cook.

I just knew it.

Did you take quantities of

belly of pork and veal

and oddments from wild duck and pheasant,

and dry white wine and

juniper berries and...

...mmm, carcasses and all that?

Zee.

Will you shut up?

Well, I wasn't being vicious, was I?

I don't know. Were you?

Me?

Would you like a Martini?

Make the lady some Martini, booby.

Your hands are cold.

Hard to get a taxi.

They'd gone home to their tea.

- Pigs.

- He tried to charge me double.

- He thought I was a Norwegian.

- Are you, Stella?

Of course not!

She's a Celt, from the

top of the morning country.

Actually, I have Spanish blood.

A- ha! Toro!

Ta.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Oh...

Er... Robert collects fish.

He has a whole collection.

There are...

puffers and walking fish

and flying fish and kissing fish

and err... scavengers

and barracuda and...

...piranha.

You know, they eat other fish

and... cows and things like that.

They're Robert's favorite fish.

He never said they were his favorite.

(Laughs)

Robert loves the sea.

He never said he loved the sea either.

So he doesn't love the sea.

And what did you do today?

Did you have some lovely fittings?

I had a lovely day.

I didn't go near the shop.

My boys were going back to school.

- How old are they?

- Nine. They're twins.

Twins!

Oh, you didn't tell me!

Did you breast-feed them?

I sat next to a man at dinner one night

whose wife had just given birth to twins.

And he said, "You haven't lived

until you have seen a woman

breast-feed twins".

Evidently,

his wife would lie sprawled on the bed,

a tit in either direction,

and it was just evidently fantastic.

I didn't have enough milk.

Oh.

You know, I read in the papers once

about a sheepdog,

I think it was a Pyrenees sheepdog,

that had 14 puppies

and only 12 tits.

Isn't nature cruel?

12 out of 14's not so cruel.

- The twins have survived, anyway.

- Oh, that's nice.

I wish I'd met them.

I love little boys and little girls.

Wouldn't you like to chew on a bone

or a piece of gristle?

What a good idea!

Why don't you take us

to our favorite restaurant, huh?

With people around,

it might help fill in some of the gaps.

I'll go get my clobber, OK?

Gaps?

I didn't notice any gaps.

Did you?

Chasms.

Well, I'm ready.

Oh, err... Bobby, darling,

would you douse the fire?

We do have our little economies.

ZEE:
It wasn't as in as it is now.

You know, we used to have

our correspondence addressed here.

One day at lunchtime,

I found a pearl in my oyster.

It was just a grimy little pearl,

but still a pearl.

(Clears throat)

- Ah, Signore, come sta?

- Benissimo, Signora.

He comes from Parma.

You know, where the violets grow.

And the ham.

(Laughs)

Did the boys go back today?

Reluctantly.

I wish I'd been with you to see them off.

I bet neither one of you

know about Parma violets.

Even if we did, we wouldn't deprive you

of the pleasure of telling us.

Well, they're very delicate,

and they're what people give when they

want to give something really special.

When they're in love...

- or someone dies...

(Waiter clears throat)

Ah, yes, now let me see. What shall we have?

I think we should have some pasta to start.

How about cannelloni? I adore cannelloni.

Then we should have - let me see...

Chicken cacciatore, how's that?

Sounds fine.

And for the signore?

Melon and Dover sole.

Melon and Dover sole!

I think he's frightened of getting an ulcer.

- Everyone seems to have them today.

- It wouldn't surprise me, the way he eats.

He has nothing but fry-ups -

bacon, fried sausages, fried bread,

fried tomatoes, fried eggs...

Don't you try and dissuade him?

- I mean, with your own cooking?

- ell, sure!

Sure. But, you know, what can I do?

It's his background, really.

How can you fight it?

I mean, from what he tells me,

that's what they lived on.

Hen it wasn't bread and dripping,

it was those eternal fry-ups.

I've tried to put him on a diet

so many times, I've lost count.

I'm sure,

when I feed him a proper meal at home,

he just goes straight out

and has one of those huge lunches

with sausages and chips

and all the rest of it.

- Excuse me. - If he wants to get fat

and ruin his constitution

and get a pot belly, well, let him.

I mean, there's nothing I can do about it,

is there?

If somebody has decided to do something,

they can't be stopped.

Can they?

(Phone rings)

Gino, would you give this to my wife

and tell her, "Buonanotte"?

Yes, signore.

Oh, allow me, sir.

ZEE:
It's the most marvelous material,

divine color...

- Scusa, Signora.

- Thank you.

Why, that bastard!

He's run out on us.

That dirty coward!

If that isn't just like a man, to run out.

Are you terribly upset?

(Giggles)

Not particularly.

Do you want to have a good cry?

I want to eat.

Well, tomorrow,

I'll get him to send you some Parma violets.

(Laughs)

My husband isn't in the country.

He's dead.

I know.

Why didn't you say so?

Oh, I didn't want to put you on the spot.

Anyway, you...

you ran out of the room

to cry or throw up or something.

So you're on the loose, huh?

Not completely.

I bet if we'd gone to school together,

we would have been good friends.

You'd have been perfect!

I might not.

I got expelled from school.

You did? So did I. What did you do wrong?

- No, what did you?

- No, you. You first.

- No, you.

- No, you!

- You.

- No, you!

- You.

- No, you...

- 35, please.

- That's all right, keep it.

- Oh, thank you. Bye-bye.

- Thank you. Bye.

ROBERT:
Hello.

- I'm sorry I left. I couldn't carry on.

- You don't have to explain.

Yes, I do. I've told you that I

didn't know she was coming back.

She just appeared at the office.

You're both so great

at appearing and disappearing.

But it's your little inferno.

And it's all very brittle

and boring and trite.

Boy, you're a pain in the arse,

you know that?

No, just superior.

- Can't I come in?

- It's late. I'm tired.

- Let me put you to bed.

- Now you're being silly.

Let me undress you,

I'll make love to you while you're asleep.

Robert, no!

I want to feel you next to me very close.

I'm very stubborn.

- (Mumbles)

- You are awful.

(Loud rock music)

? Life is passing me by

? Give me wings and I'll fly

? Take the world in my hand

- Zee!

? Prove for once I'm a man

? I'll tell you what it's all about...

(Turns volume down)

I have here a bill from Harrods.

"To dyeing and dry-cleaning...

...46."

I'll pay for that. Just leave it

here somewhere.

You know damn well you can't!

I always know

when the housekeeping is overdrawn!

You start buying champagne and caviar

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes