Zero Charisma Page #2

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man's oldest traditions.

Games.

No.

Communal storytelling

Just as thousands of years ago...

Early man gathered around the fire.

Developing the myth's that

define their culture...

So we sit at the table,

Building worlds,

Building characters,

Building hero's.

Seeing through them as

through a prism,

Our own fears,

Our own goals,

Ourselves.

Think your Xbox can do that?

I don't have an Xbox.

Good for you.

I play world of warcraft though.

Let me tell you something.

MMORPG's are f***ing garbage!

They turn fibrant, creative people,

into drooling zombies

who sit in front of their monitors

jabbing F1 until their

f***ing hearts explode.

Take your character sheet and

go back to farmville!

Alright, who else do we

have for today?

Uhh... that was it.

Are you kidding?

One goddamn applicant?

Scott, your break's over.

Alright.

Get more flyers printed,

we'll put them up tomorrow.

Okay.

Now, Scott!

You got a delivery!

Bye Scott.

You know, Mrs. Yi,

when you screech like that,

it only reinforces negative

stereotypes about chinese women.

And when you sit on your fat ass,

not walking,

you reinforce stereotypes

about american men.

Sh*t!

Psst! Pete!

Scott!

They sent you again man?

I'm the only one that makes deliveries,

i told you that last time.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

You're the operational manager

Of all external food

distribution, right?

It's just temporary.

Until i find a publisher.

Nathan.

Scott.

So you have the dragonheart sets

here at the front counter now.

Not what i would have done.

Really?

Well, It's not an impulse buy.

And you have the tactics sets

on the top shelves,

When everyone knows that

historical wargamers

tend to be shorter than average.

It's a wonder this place is

still in business...

Oh, we are doing really well actually.

Business has improved, what?

200% since last november?

Say, wasn't that right around

the time that Huey fired you,

and made me assistant manager?

That's weird right, Nathan?

Scott leaves, business improves.

Yeah, and Pokemon cards.

And we're hosting games four

nights a week now.

All CRPG certified,

and they are always packed.

I prefer home games.

And guess who is coming to do

a Q&A for us next month?

Pikachu?

Greg Goran is coming here?

Just got this in today.

I thought you might want to

be the first to know.

How the f*** did you get Greg Goran?

He's like... the godfather

of tabletop gaming.

That's really good.

Yeah, yeah we've got to put that

on the flyer.

How much do i owe you?

$12,52.

Well worth the price.

Excuse me.

What kind of games do you guys host here?

What are you looking for?

Oh, i don't know, i used to play

D&D back in high school.

Thought it would be fun to

get back into it.

Okay.

If you're looking for a game to play,

i wouldn't play here if i where you.

It's all pre-packaged by the

numbers bullshit.

Alright, I always prefer the homemade

games to the published ones.

Exactly! Now, the campaign i'm

running is one epic story

i've been writing for three years.

And it's uh... Inspired.

Right on, so it's D&D?

No, it's not D&D.

It's a fantasy rule system of my own design.

I don't have a publisher yet

but it's in the works.

Oh.

Can i have my change,

Please?

Matter of fact, we have an opening

for a new player.

If you are interested...

This is a very rare opportunity.

Sure, what the hell... i'm Miles.

Scott, Scott Wiedemeyer.

game master.

Oh my gosh, Martin you're

not listening to me.

The Millennium Falcon is a

broken down smuggler ship.

Yeah, but...

No, no, no, no.

The Enterprise is a federation starship.

Now, which do you think would be faster?

That's exactly what i'm saying.

The falcon

isn't a warship like the Enterprise,

and so it's only defense is speed.

Guys, you are never going

to resolve this.

No, no, no. Voyager, episode 31,

aka. "Threshold".

Oh, here we go with

"Threshold" again.

Everybody knows that episode is in canon.

Oh, for god's sake you guys!

How many times do i have to tell you?

There is no answer to this question.

Let it go.

I'm just saying...

No, look,

Everyone, let's try to keep the geekiness

to a minimum tonight.

Okay?

Just be cool.

Hey Miles.

Scott.

No i... f*** it.

How about a hug?

Falcon has what,

one wookie and a...

Hey guy, this is Miles.

That's Martin, Leonard and Wayne.

Hi.

What's up?

I brought a six-pack,

if anyone wants one.

Is that cool?

Uh, yeah, yeah, that' cool. Beer...

Beer is cool.

Did you want one?

No, actually...

I'm allergic to alcohol. It has

an increased effect on me.

One is like ten.

Lucky you.

Well, If anyone else wants one,

help yourself.

Should we ask him?

You ask him!

Okay fine, i will ask him.

Hey, Miles,

which do you think is faster...

The Enterprise

or the Millennium Falcon?

Guys, we just went over this.

There is no answer to this question.

Actually,

I'd have to say the Falcon.

- Common!

- I knew it!

No, listen, we are talking about two

totally different technologies

from different universes.

Now, check this out, the fastest

Enterprise the Enterprise-D.

Has a max warp factor of what?

9,2.

Which is 1,649 times the speed of light,

we've been over this.

But there is no adequate conversion table

between warp factor and hyper drive.

But in Episode IV: A New Hope,

the Millennium Falcon

travels from Tatooine,

an outer rim system

to Alderaan, a core system

in just a couple of days.

Now, thats about half a diameter

of a galaxy.

Even in a small galaxy,

that's at least 5000 light years.

5.000 lightyears in just 2 days?

That's almost a million times

the speed of light!

So, i'm going to say the

Millennium Falcon is faster.

F*** me!

We've been arguing about this forever.

Even Scott couldn't figure this out!

It's not that i couldn't figure it out.

I dont like wasting my time

on hypotheticals.

I deal in reality, okay?

Now can we roleplay please?

The four of you have just reached the

entrance of the cave of Durakonor.

Your dwarf guide tells you,

he cannot let you proceed.

This place is sacred.

I'll handle this.

My good friend,

I have lived in these mountains

all my life.

I have as much of a right to enter the

cave of Durakonor as any man.

"You cannot fool me"!

"You are a tourist here".

"You think you can come and

go as you please".

"But the natives of the Ungar mountains

do not take kindly to interlopers".

Perhaps you are right.

But i am also powerfull.

You would be wise to not challenge me.

Sh*t! Sorry.

Uh, we usually turn off our cellphones

before we start the game.

Text from my girlfriend.

She wants me to come home.

I know what she wants.

Oh lord, that's nasty!

Not to be too crude but I've never been

with a chick who needed it so much.

I mean don't get me wrong,

she's absolutly beautiful.

But i'm always exhausted.

You know what i mean?

Oh, yeah.

Miles was pretty funny tonight,

huh Scott?

Yeah, i guess.

The way he told that captain of the guard

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