Zero Charisma Page #3

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to suck his stubby dwarf dick...

And his backstory was hilarious!

When he said he was raised by wherepigs,

so he had to squeal like a pig

everytime he goes into battle...

Wayne, please!

RPG is about more then just

being funny you know..

I mean, if all i wanted to do was

crack you guys up for three hours,

i could do that you know, that's easy.

What's hard is to get people to think.

To get them emotionally

invested in the story.

That's hard, right?

Right?

Right, Wayne?

Wayne!

Uh? What?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Is that that girl?

What's her name?

Beth.

Is that her?

What do you think?

Seems nice.

I'm thinking i might ask her

out this weekend.

What?

You really think that's a good idea?

What do you mean?

Well, these online relationships

can be tricky.

She's probably built an image in her mind,

of some tall, handsome and charming guy

And when she meets you, well...

You know.

Oh my god, Wayne you have a

huge zit on your face.

I know.

Let me get it for you.

No!

Come on, it's ready.

No, it will scar!

No, i don't want you to.

Get down!

No Scott. Come on get off me!

Come on, i'm not going to let you

walk around with that on your face!

Come on Scott! Wait, wait...

my glasses.

Oh god.

Want to sleep over?

Hey, Wayne.

Wayne.

Hey.

Yeah?

Remember when the tender of Nerndor

put that curse of never ending

flatulence on Martin's cleric?

And his farting gave away your

position to the kobolds?

That was pretty funny, right?

Yeah, i guess.

I come up with funny stuff all the time.

What's the big deal?

-Scott!

Okay! Wayne, try and keep it down, alright?

-Scott!

Okay!

What was that?

Hello.

Hey Barbara, it's Scott.

Scottie, how are you?

I'm fine. Look, Nana

had a stroke.

Oh my god, is she dead?

No, she's alive.

No, no you don't need to come here.

I think she just wants you to call her.

No, that's not necessary.

Why not? It will just be

for a couple of weeks.

Because then i would have to clean

the sh*t out of the guest room.

- Scott! You can be so selfish!

- I'm not being selfish.

She's my mother, and i'm coming to

see here whether you like it or not.

Fine!

And it will be great to see you.

Whatever. I've got to go.

I see you didn't mow the lawn.

I was gonna.

Ah!

Ah! Sh*t.

Scott, for Christ's sake!

Are you trying to kill me?

Sorry, Nana. I'm trying.

I just got out of the hospital.

You wish.

We're here!

Sh*t!

Anyone home?

Scottie! There you are.

Hi.

Come here and give your mom a hug!

Come on.

Scottie, this is bob.

Hi buddy.

It's so good to meet you.

Your mom has told me a whole

lot about you.

Like what?

Well... uh...

Well, you're here son and uh...

Uh... you.

Scottie, Why don't you help bob

with the bags?

My god.

This house looks exactly the same.

Have you two been stuck

in a time warp?

Nana!

Barbara is home.

Hello mom, it's me! Barbara!

Jesus!

Why are you yelling at me?

I know who the hell you are.

It's good to see you.

You look fantastic.

Pillow.

Mom.

This is Bob.

Ma'am.

Here, let me do that right.

Bob and i met at a self-help seminar

in Dallas, last month, and

we hit it off immediately, and...

drum roll!

We are getting married.

Third time's the charm.

Harvey doesn't count mother.

It was annulled.

You know she was part of a

sex cult, right?

Mother!

First of all,

that was ages ago.

And secondly, it was an

agricultural commune.

Yeah, right.

You think i don't know what

goes on in those places.

Look mom, i know,

i was kind of wild as a kid

- maybe a little irresponsible...

- As a kid?

But things are different now.

I'm getting married, and by next fall

i'll be a registered nurse.

You? A nurse?

Remind me never to have a

stroke in Arizona.

I came here to help you.

You know, To take care of you while

you get back on your feet

and to get this house in order.

There is nothing wrong with this house.

Boy, If i knew all i had to do

to get a visit from my daughter was

pop a blood vessel in my brain,

i would have done it years ago.

You see what i've had to deal with.

Don't bother trying to do anything

nice in this family.

Oh, for Christ sake...

You wonder why i don't visit more often.

Maybe its because i'm made to feel

totally unwelcome everytime

i come here.

Calm down Barbara.

Nobody is out to get you.

I was going to cook a nice

dinner tonight, but...

Now i feel a migraine coming on.

That's just great! I'll probably be

late up all evening.

Bob, could you get me the

coco syrup and a hot towel?

Sure babe.

Well, it was a long flight.

I bet.

Ulrich Benevon, son of Valrich,

Keeper of the stones of light,

meets his mortal enemy

on the battlefield,

the goblin queen Morgan.

You will pay for your betrayal

Morgan, with blood!

Oh, Ulrich. Forever the hero.

But all your posturing will not

safe the life of your king!

Or bring your family

back from the grave.

I swear this...

My family's blood, shall be avenged.

The god's demand retribution!

Knock!

Sorry, i thought this

was a bathroom.

Goddamnit!

What?

Hey.

I just wanted to thank you for

getting the room ready for us.

Yeah, fine.

So, you into wizzards and sh*t?

I guess.

I saw those Lords of the ring movies.

They were pretty cool.

Not so sure about those hobbits though,

you know what i mean.

You a cowboys fan?

What do you mean, like westerns?

No, like Dallas.

Oh, football. No.

It's hard to believe they let two back's

run up over a hundered yards against them

when all last season it didnt happen 25%

all of the games played...

Yeah well, I'm going to bed now, so...

Right, sure.

Well, have a good evening.

Close the door.

What the f*** is this?

Sh*t!

Mom! Mom!

Barbara!

What the hell is going on in there?

Well goodmorning to you too.

What is Bob doing in the hallway?

I asked him to take a look at the wiring.

He's a contractor, he knows what he's doing.

The wiring is fine.

How would you know that?

Because the lights go on when

you flip the switches.

Old wiring can cause fires.

No one is keeping an eye on this place.

Look at all this clutter.

It isn't safe for Nana.

Hey, be careful with that, it's mine.

Well, get it out of the

living room, then!

Just so you know, tonight is game night,

so i'll need the house to myself.

God, are you still playing your

little dragons game?

Yes.

So you and Bob need to stay in your room

or go out for the night.

Really? Your mother comes all the way from

Arizona and you want her to go out?

Or stay in your room.

Don't you think you should postpone

your little game while we are in town?

No mom, this is important to me!

We never cancel game night!

Okay, Okay!

God, you sound just like

you did when you were ten.

It was that tone of voice that made it

easy for me to leave, you know?

Let's rock and roll!

Oh my god!

That was f***ing rad!

Nice work.

You like it?

It's fun, but uh

it captures a sense of

isolation and dread.

Exactly.

What the subtext clear?

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