Zero Charisma Page #5

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but a figure stands in your way.

I am Ulrich Benevon, son of Valrich,

keeper of the stones of light.

Before i grant you these stones however,

you must prove yourselves worthy.

How?

Far to the north, there is a mountain

in which dwells a powerful wizzard.

In the wizzard's study is a chest...

where he keeps a single feather,

from an ancient Phoenix

Which is the source of...

F*** this.

Let's kill the guy

and take the stones.

You can't do that,

he's a good guy.

He's a dick. I'm gonna throw

my sword at his head.

But that's not what you're

supposed to do.

What do you mean "supposed to do"?

Thought we could do whatever

we wanted right.

Well, yeah, but...

Or are you the only one that gets

to make any real decisions?

Fine!

But you'll need a 20 to hit.

I'm feeling lucky.

20! Oh sh*t!

Give me a break.

And 20 is a mortal blow,

right?

He has to do a stamina check,

or he's dead, right?

Are you f***ing serious?

I didn't make the rules man.

You did, remember?

This is so stupid.

Sh*t!

Now it's my turn and you're

about to get f***ed.

That's a 4.

What?

That wasn't a 14.

That was a 4.

No, it was a 14.

Oh my god. You are lying.

Why are you lying?

I'm not lying.

You don't even know how to play.

I know cheating when i see it.

I can't cheat.

I'm the game master.

Yeah, that's what Nixon said.

Maybe we should reroll.

Scott, what was it?

Was it a 4?

So what if it was?

I'm the game master,

and it's my job to make sure

the game runs smoothly,

even when people intentionally

try to mess it up.

I'm not trying to mess anything up.

I'm just trying to have a good time.

Don't give me that innocent sh*t!

You may have these guys fooled,

but i can see right through you.

What's that supposed to mean?

You like to be the big fish,

don't you?

Come hang out with all the losers,

so you are the coolest guy in

the room, right?

Look, if you think you

and your friends

are losers that's your

problem, not mine.

He's putting words in my mouth.

You can't trust him guys,

he's not your friend.

He's more of a friend then you are, Scott.

Miles put Blood Brigade

on his website, and we got

almost 400.000 hits from that.

Yeah, we asked you like

a hundered times

to put it on your blog

and you never did.

Not that anyone reads it anyway.

Wake up guys, he only did that

so people could laught at it.

That's not true.

What? Why would anybody laugh at it?

Because it's aweful.

Scott.

And i'm only saying this

because im your friend.

And i don't like to see you made fun of.

I think it's good.

Please, you really think Blood Brigade

is a good piece of entertainment?

I do.

Really?

I do. I genuinely like it.

He's full of sh*t.

Okay, i think you need to leave Scott.

Damn right i am.

We all are, come on guys.

I'm staying here.

Me too.

Guys!

I'm the game master.

I'm the game.

Well, we don't want to

play your game anymore.

What?

After all we've been through,

you're gonna abandon my game.

Our game.

For him?

You can't do this to me.

I've put too much work into this...

It's not supposed to be work Scott.

It's supposed to be fun.

Yeah, Scott. The game has gotten too serious.

It's not fun anymore.

I can't believe this.

Well you cant keep your

character sheets, they're mine.

Give it to me!

F*** it. I don't want it anyways.

Come on Wayne.

Let's go.

Wait Scott, can't we work this out?

Wayne, come!

Do whatever you want man.

I'm sorry Scott.

Okay, fine.

Just know,

when this guy gets done with

this little expirement,

and cuts you loose,

don't bother trying to come back.

So, come with me now,

and all is forgotten.

And everyone gets

500 experience points.

F*** you then.

Ulrich Benovon,

Son of Valrich,

keeper of the stones of light,

encounters his new enemy.

Miles Butler.

Hey, i'm Miles. I'm the coolest.

My website gets a 100.000 views...

Enough of your prattle, jackanapes!

Your angers the heavens.

I once went snowboarding

with Joss Whedon so.

The gods demand retribution!

Bob, did you put the particle

board by the curb?

Jup.

Arn't you supposed to be at work?

I got the day off.

Well, you just can't sit around

eating cereal all day.

Watch me.

I'll get it.

Barbara? Mel Vernon.

Actually, today might not be the best day

let me give you a call this evening i think that..

What's going on? Who's this?

I'm Mel Vernon, the appraiser.

- Scott, why don't you go back in the house...

- The what?

and finish your breakfast?

The appraiser.

Services not needed!

Scott.

Goddamnit!

The moment you said you were coming

here, i knew something was up.

Scott, calm down...

I'm sorry to throw a wrench

in your evil schemes,

but this house is mine!

Nana said so!

Can't you two wait until i'm dead

to fight over my sh*t?

Nana.

Mom, you should be resting.

Well, if somebody would check

up on me every now and then,

i wouldn't have to come out here.

My body could have

been decomposing

for the last four hours,

for all you knew.

I was just going...

Nana.

Nana, i don't like to say "i told you so",

but, i f***ing told you so.

She's trying to sell the house.

Oh Scott, don't be paranoid.

Oh, yeah? Why was there

an appraiser just here?

And why did she try to

hide it from me?

An appraiser?

You had an appraiser come

to my house?

What's the big deal? Everyone should

know what their house is worth.

Cut the sh*t, Barbara.

Bob is a great guy.

He's kind, he's stable,

he's not terribly interesting,

but he loves me and he

wants to marry me.

But...

But i have alot of debt.

And Bob doesn't know.

Not the extent of it.

And i don't know what he'll do

if he finds out...

I swear i wasn't going to do anything

without your permission.

I was just waiting for the right time.

So what do you want?

I sell the house to pay your debt,

and Scott and i live on the street?

No.

An old folks home.

Sandy Point

retirement community.

It's very exclusive.

But Bob's cousin is the manager,

and he said he could get you in immediately.

And best of all,

It's just two blocks from

our place in Flagstaff.

So i could visit you every day.

You are not buying this crap,

are you Nana?

Once she gets the money,

we're not gonna see her again.

Scott, you don't know me

as well as you think you do.

Yeah, who's fault is that?

Oh, shut up, both of you.

Scott, sit down... sit down!

I know you don't have a very

high opinion of your mother,

but she's my daughter

and she's asking for my help.

But you said i could have the house.

You promised.

Well, unfortunately for you,

it's still my house

And i still get to decide

what to do with it.

But that's not fair.

I've been taking care of you all these years,

putting up with your sh*t.

Excuse me!

Who's taking care of who?

How much rent do you pay, huh?

Who buys all the groceries,

look at me.

And cooks the food

and does the laundry.

I do the laundry sometimes.

Jesus Christ!

When your grandfather was your age

he had a family, a business

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